Why Am I Not Sad After Breakup? Read This and Feel Better

Want to know why am I not sad after breakup? Before you feel that there’s something wrong with you, let me tell you this: You are super normal!

Breaking up usually comes with a lot of expectations — sadness, tears, tubs of ice cream — but what if that’s not what happens?

You might wonder, is it normal not to feel anything after a breakup? Why is he not sad after a breakup? Why do I feel relieved after a breakup? How do I know if I’m healing from a breakup?

You’ll find all the answers to those questions right here in this post.

Plus, I’ve got some tips to help you move on with a little more confidence and give yourself the proper self-care you deserve.

After reading this post, the question, “Why Am I Not Sad After Breakup?” won’t bother you anymore. Let’s dive in!

Is it Normal Not to Feel Anything After a Breakup?

Yes, it’s actually totally normal not to feel anything after a breakup.

It might sound strange at first; breakups are supposed to be emotional.

But the truth is, emotions don’t always hit us the way we expect them to. 

Sometimes, you might feel numb or just… blank.

And that’s okay!

It takes time until you really feel the pain.

I learned this when my granny passed away.

At first, I didn’t cry while handling all the funeral arrangements and responsibilities. I was focused on taking care of everything that needed to be done.

But when everyone had gone, and I was alone in my room, it hit me.

I would never see my granny again until the afterlife (if that really exists).

And then I cried.

Your body and mind need the space to process what happened.

Embrace it.

Allow your emotions to flow naturally.

Why Am I Not Sad After Breakup?

Maybe, deep down, you already know this relationship isn’t the right thing for you.

Don’t feel bad about it.

Here are a few reasons why you might not feel sad after a breakup:

You and your ex were emotionally detached for a long time already.

Just because you’re “in a relationship” doesn’t mean you connect emotionally. If that’s the case, the breakup is just the final step to end this chapter of your life and start the new one.

They know it’s for the best.

Even if there’s love, they might realize they aren’t truly compatible in the long term.

For example, you want to move to a city for a better job opportunity, but your partner can’t go with you.

Or you want to one day start a family and have children, and that’s not the future your ex sees for himself.

If this is what happens, staying in a relationship that brings you nowhere is just a waste of time.

You and your ex have grown apart.

Many of us start a relationship in our early 20s or teenage years. Unfortunately, not all of them have happy endings.

It’s normal if in 5 or 10 years you grow into a different person.

Someone who used to fit into your life, now not anymore, or even hold you back from living your best life.

It feels natural to move on and let both of you choose a different path

You value yourself enough to walk away.

It’s okay to choose for yourself. After all, a relationship must be a value added to your life.

It doesn’t define who you are.

There’s no point staying in a relationship that drags you down.

You are excited about the future.

To have a better future, you require a better support system, including better relationships.

If you see new opportunities, new love, and a fresh start outweigh your current relationship, you have all the right to walk away.

Why Is He Not Sad After a Breakup?

Honestly, this isn’t the best question to ask. Why do you pour your energy into thinking about someone who chooses to leave you?

But fair enough, I’ve been in your shoes, so I know how it feels.

Here are some possibilities for that question:

Your ex has already decided to leave the relationship.

Maybe he’s not happy all along.

Maybe he just waited for the right time to end the relationship.

Maybe he also doesn’t see you as fitting into his future.

And many other reasons you don’t know.

However, whatever the reason is, it doesn’t make you less valuable as a human being.

Your ex has the right to choose what he wants, and so do you.

He hides his emotions.

Men usually are taught to suppress sadness and pain. One man once said to me, “Man don’t cry,” which is a ridiculous belief in my opinion. 

Just because you don’t see him upset doesn’t mean he’s okay. We never know what happens behind closed doors.

He has a different way of coping.

Not everyone expresses grief the same way. Some might look calm on the outside but deal with their pain privately, or it hits them much later.

Some people use unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with sadness, such as using substances, overworking, drinking too much, etc.

Now, you might have a different insight if you find your ex busy partying after the breakup.

Warning: It’s not your job to help your ex process his emotions. You’re not his mom. Don’t play a ‘nice ex’ because it will mess with your head. Focus your energy on healing yourself instead.

7 Tips to Move On After a Breakup

Before we jump in, remember this: healing takes time.

All tips shared in this section will help you recover. Pick one that sounds the easiest for you as your first step.

When you feel stronger, add another one.

Healing takes time. The deeper your relationship was, the longer time you need to recover.

The journey will be messy, but millions of people have gotten through it. If they can make it, so can you!

1. Let Yourself Feel Whatever You Feel

This is one of the paradoxes of life.

The fastest way to move on from a broken heart is by allowing yourself to feel all your emotions.

It means you’ll cry yourself to sleep.

Have an emotional breakdown on random days.

Listen to the Broken Heart playlist on repeat forever.

Romanticizing the past without seeing the big picture.

Wondering why your life goes this way. That everything is so unfair. You wish everything to be different.

Yup, I’ve been through all of it. I hope that makes you feel better. Hehehe…

You will look pathetic for some time, but there will be a time when you say,” Enough is enough.”

You have no more tears to shade, and have been thinking ‘all the possibility’ and end up with the conclusion that your ex doesn’t want to do what’s necessary to make you happy.

At this point, you’re done!

However, when you’re processing your emotions, here is a friendly reminder for you:

• Don’t make big life decisions like getting married, quitting your job, or moving cities impulsively.
• Avoid large, impulsive purchases such as expensive cars, luxury bags, or anything you might regret later.
• Don’t jump into a rebound relationship just to make your ex jealous or have someone to cuddle with at night. Give yourself the time you need to heal.
• Avoid comparing your healing journey to others. Everyone’s timeline is different.

2. Talk to Yourself the Way You’d Comfort a Friend

Most of the time, we are our own worst enemies.

Don’t believe me? Let me ask you this: Would you say something like, ‘Just suck it up and move on,’ to someone who is going through a breakup?”

Of course not.

Even if that’s a total stranger, at least you’ll say,” I’m sorry for what happened.”

But have you ever noticed yourself saying mean things, like…

I’m not good enough; he was smart to leave.

If I had loved him harder, maybe he would have stayed.

Even your own mom chose to leave you; why would you expect anyone else to stay for a lifetime?

The last one is my favorite negative self-talk that has been haunting me for decades.

Your negative self-talk usually comes from things that happened when you were a child. Everybody has their pain and must deal with it.

That’s why I believe that everybody is struggling secretly. 

If you want to move on from your broken heart, pay attention to your words.

The rule of thumb is: Don’t say things you won’t say to others in that specific situation.

3. Get Moving (Even If It’s Just a Walk)

When you’re feeling heartbroken, sometimes the best thing you can do is just move a little.

Your motion really does affect your emotion; even a small movement can help you feel a little lighter.

Movement is also a powerful way for the body to release stress. That’s why nobody ever says they regret getting exercise.

You don’t have to do anything intense. 

You can start by going for a walk, doing a light jog, or even just dancing around your living room to your favorite song.

Need song recommendations? Try Roar by Katty Perry. The lyrics will make you feel on top of the world!

Anything that gets your body moving is a good start.

If you feel ready, you can set aside a little time for a workout you enjoy.

Personally, I love low-impact exercises such as Pilates and yoga. They make me feel strong physically and calm my nerves.

If you like something a little more high-energy, you might want to try a HIIT workout.

The good news?

You can find all kinds of free workout videos on YouTube, so you can try different things until you find what you love.

If you want a little challenge, try moving your body for 20 minutes a day for 30 days and see how you feel.

4. Unfollow, Mute or Block Your Ex If You Need To

After a breakup, it’s normal to miss your ex, especially if you still love him.

The urge to ‘check on him’ can be unbearable.

This is where ‘out of sight, out of mind’ can help you get through this downtime.

You are allowed to mute, unfollow, or even block your ex.

People pleasers out there will automatically scream,” But that makes me feel so bad!”

I understand.

But at this very moment, you must learn about self-respect. You must respect yourself enough to make you a priority.

Focus your energy on healing yourself, whatever it takes.

Ehm, it’s gonna be a tough love, but hear me out.

I don’t think your ex will care that much whether you unfollow, mute, or even block him. Think about this: If he loves you that much, there will be no breakup in the first place.

Sure, every relationship has challenges. But he will work on it with you to make it work.

However, not all exes are jerks. Sometimes, relationships just don’t work out because both of you grew into different people.

If that’s the case, you don’t need to block your ex for eternity. Just avoid him for some time until you feel like yourself again.

When you’re ready, you can always reconnect and treat him as an acquaintance.

5. Try New Experiences

The hardest part about moving on isn’t just losing the person, it’s losing the memories.

It’s the place you guys used to hang out.

It’s his favorite food; you can’t even look at it without feeling some type of way.

It’s the inside jokes that used to make you laugh until 2 AM.

It’s everything that made the relationship feel like home.

That’s why if you wanna heal faster, you gotta push yourself to experience new things.

Try a new restaurant.

Pick up a hobby you’ve never done before.

Create new stories and new energy.

I know that sometimes it’s hard to even know where to start. The reason you keep doing the same things is that you like it. 

But if you wanna break free and reset your vibe, try this:

• Do something that low-key scares you. 

No, I don’t suggest you jump off the cliff. You just need to try a random art class, go to an open mic night even if you’re shy, or travel solo for a weekend.

• Ask yourself: What’s something you’ve always wanted to do since you were a kid but never got around to?

Make your inner child happy. Maybe she still wants to learn how to skateboard, paint, or write a short story.

You’ll be surprised how fast it heals your soul.

• Challenge yourself to say 30 “yes” and reward yourself if you follow through.

Expose yourself to something random, don’t play safe, but I don’t mean you deliberately try something stupid or dangerous.

When you intentionally bring newness into your life, you create fresh vibes, fresh memories, and honestly, fresh reasons to smile again.

Slowly, you’ll find yourself getting curious about life again instead of stuck replaying what’s already over.

Trust the process. Your heart’s got so much more life ahead.

6. Expand Your Social Circle

Alright, so we already talked about trying new experiences.

Now, let’s get into hanging out with new people.

Who you hang out with seriously affects how you think, how you feel, and even the decisions you make.

If you’re trying to eat healthier, but all your friends are out here eating pizza every night, and nobody’s hitting the gym, it’s gonna be way harder for you to stay on track.

Your environment matters.

But hold up, I’m not telling you to go party with a bunch of random strangers just to “meet new people.”

The most powerful way to grow your circle is knowing what you want in life first.

Let’s say you wanna get a raise.

You ask your boss, and they’re like, “nah.”

Cool. Take it as a sign to level up your skills and find a better job.

Now, in the process of taking courses, networking, and applying for better gigs: Boom. Your circle naturally expands. And now you’re around people who are also trying to level up.

And don’t worry, you don’t have to cut off all your old friends (unless you really want to, and that’s your choice).

You can just start spending a little less time with people who aren’t aligned with where you’re headed and more time with the ones who inspire you and push you closer to the life you want.

7. Write a Letter You’ll Never Send

One of the reasons it’s so damn hard to move on after a breakup is because you still have open loops in your head.

You know, those lingering thoughts like,

“What if we never broke up?”

“What if things had been just a little different?”

“Maybe if I had done this or that, we’d still be together…”

And because of that, your ex still lives rent-free in your brain.

Sometimes, you even catch yourself making choices based on what they would like, even though they’re not even around anymore!

Don’t let old memories control your life.

One of the most powerful ways to close those loops is by giving yourself real closure.

And that’s where writing a letter you’ll never send comes in.

You’re not writing this letter to get your ex back.

You’re writing it to finally answer all the “what ifs” in your head.

Now, if you’re not big into journaling, this might feel a little weird at first. But trust me, it’s worth it. Here’s how to start:

• Make a list of all the unfinished business, unanswered questions, and random “what could’ve been” scenarios you still think about.
• Write a response to each one.

You can apologize, get angry, pour your heart out about what you wish had happened, and scribble all over the paper to let out your frustration.

You can write this letter in your journal or on a random piece of paper you later rip up or burn (super symbolic and kinda satisfying, honestly).

The point is: you’re letting all of it out, for your eyes only. It’s like releasing your emotions and screaming, “I’m done carrying this weight. It’s time to move on.”

Why Do I Feel Relieved After a Breakup?

My short answer is that it’s a sign you’re not happy in your relationship.

Maybe all this time, you have been suppressing yourself too much to make the relationship work.

How do I know that?

Because I’ve been there.

Don’t feel bad if this is what you feel. It’s normal, and it doesn’t make you ‘a bad guy.’

After you’re done with your pity party, sit with yourself and think what you did do that made you feel this way.

Most of the time, the answer comes down to this: you deliberately choose not to go after what you truly want in life.

Now that you’re single, it’s time to take a different approach.

Ask yourself, “What does your dream life look like?”

Be as detailed as you can.

Where do you work?

How much money do you have in your bank account?

Where do you buy groceries?

Do you drive a car? What car do you want to drive?

What’s your dream house like?

Answer all these questions and find the pictures that represent your answer.

Voila!

You have a vision board that will guide you to make better decisions in your life.

The next partner you have must fit into the future you want to have.

So you see my point here: you don’t create your future based on who your partner is.

You decide the life you want to have, work toward it, and let someone who fits into the big picture add to your happiness.

How Do I Know If I’m Healing from a Breakup?

One of the biggest signs you’re healing is when you can talk about what happened and even describe how you felt during the breakup without getting teary-eyed every time.

At this point, your failed relationship is only part of your life stories.

Even better, you can even make a joke around it.

Personally, I know I’m totally healed if I catch myself saying, “Geez, what was I thinking back then!”

Last but not least, just because you’ve healed doesn’t mean you have to hang out with your ex again.

Personally, I don’t think that’s a good idea.

You better focus on starting over and never look back.

Good luck!