A broken heart sucks, but it’s not the end of the world.
Millions of people go through this process as part of their journey. So, you’ll be fine.
However, it’s nice to have guidance on how to reduce your sadness. In this article, I’ve put together a list of 30 simple things you can do to help heal your broken heart.
You can choose one thing from this list to do each day. Focus on one day at a time. After 30 days, you should gradually heal and move on.
Lastly, whatever you choose to do, do everything responsibly: make sure you’re safe, don’t get into debt, or do something you’ll regret in the future.
Ok, let’s get started!
1. Have your ugly cry moment.
To heal your broken heart, you must feel it. That’s why having an ugly cry moment is mandatory for your healing journey.
If you pretend that you’re ok with a snap of a finger, you’ll only bottle up your emotions. Sooner or later your emotions will erupt like a volcano.
You may even end up with unhealthy coping mechanisms, like drugs, overworking, getting into rebound relationships, or other risky behavior.
To minimize the impact of this low moment, you should be better prepared. Block your weekend for this ugly moment. Choose a safe place, prepare some comforting food, and ask friends or family to stay alert in case you need some backup.
Having an ugly cry moment doesn’t mean you’re weak. It shows that you respect yourself enough to listen and give yourself what you need.
You might need more than one session of this ugly cry. Be gracious and give yourself what you need.
Once you let off steam, you’ll be stronger than ever.
2. Eat chocolate ice cream.
Chocolate is the best pick-me-up snack if you’re feeling low. Thanks to its endorphins, nobody can be in a bad mood when eating it.
You can have a scoop of ice cream at a coffee shop while you sit alone with your thoughts.
Or if you want to go slightly over-the-top, buy a bucket of chocolate ice cream and eat it at home. You can cry, rant, or punch a pillow while enjoying your ice cream.
It’s ok to forget your healthy diet for a day and enjoy yourself.
In the end, it’s not about the ice cream. It’s about finding a little comfort in something sweet while digesting the bitterness of a broken heart.
3. Watch sad movies or songs and cry some more.
Feeling and expressing your sadness is the fastest way to heal your broken heart.
If you’re like me and tell others that you have an allergy or that there’s something in your eye when you’re teary (and avoid using the words “I’m crying” at all costs), watching sad movies and singing sad songs can help release all those pent-up emotions.
You can drink some beer, a glass of wine, or your preferred guilty pleasure to help calm your nerves down.
This is a must-do ritual for the brokenhearted. Make sure you do it in a safe place like a hotel for a night or two. If you need a friend, choose someone you trust like your best friend or family member.
Allow yourself to indulge in this sad-cation to start healing your pain.
4. Play a happy song and dance.
Getting through your day can be a challenge after a breakup.
If you need a quick booster, play a happy song and dance out of it.
Making a silly move while dancing in your room can lift your spirits and bring a smile to your face or have a karaoke moment in your shower.
Your motion affects your emotions. Pick a song that makes you happy and dance. Sing a song and pretend you’re auditioning for American Idol.
This advice is exactly the opposite of advice number #3 about choosing a sad song and crying it out. But both are equally important.
Balancing expressing your sadness, boosting your mood, and releasing stress from your body is the key to getting things off your chest.
You will have many crazy sessions between crying and happy dancing. As for my experience, I needed 2 years of listening to several sad songs. That’s the main reason why I never share my Spotify list with the public. Hehehe…
5. Go outside.
Why do you think most people love summer?
You can enjoy the sun, chill in the pool or beach, and enjoy some lemonade. This isn’t a coincidence because science shows that sun exposure through the eyes will trigger serotonin (body chemicals that control your mood) in your body.
You can use this as a way to heal your grief after the breakup.
Go outside and enjoy the sun.
Go for a walk in the park, enjoy the open sky, take deep breaths, and listen to your surroundings. You might catch a child laughing, see a butterfly on a flower, feel the earth on your feet (take off your shoes), and notice other simple things around you.
Beautiful things happen outside your pain. The world isn’t over just because your ex left you.
If you stay in bed all day, your mood will only get gloomier. You’d better drag yourself outside for 10-15 minutes every day and challenge yourself to do it for a month.
You’ll notice your sadness will begin to subside after a month of outdoor time.
6. Try a new workout class.
This is another way to take advantage of “your motion affects your emotions”.
This time, you can try a new workout class.
Everyone has an exercise they say they’ll try ‘another day’. It’s time to pick one and do it.
This will give you 2 advantages: 1) You’ll get some movement and feel better after the class. Dragging yourself to a workout class can be challenging, but nobody regrets working out afterward. 2) Choosing a new workout class can give you new experiences and expand your social circle.
Doing new things also breaks old brain patterns and gives you something new to focus on. It’s much better than stalking your ex on social media.
7. Attend a live show.
Recently I saw an ad about Freed Ballet Celebrates Swan Lake in Jakarta. It reminded me that it’s been so long since I attended a show.
How about you? How many weekends have you spent alone at home after a breakup?
If it’s been too long since you socialized, it’s time to go out on the weekend. You can attend a show like a concert, or comedy show, or enjoy a coffee with live music. You can go alone (my preference!) or tag a friend with you.
Being in a room full of people helped lighten my mood and made me realize that there’s still a lot of joy to be found in life, even after heartbreak.
Additionally, you may meet new people who could become friends or even future lovers.
8. Make someone’s day.
Studies have found that acts of kindness are linked to increased feelings of well-being. So if you want to feel happy, make someone feel that way.
You can start with simple things like saying, “Have a nice day,” to your barista
Even smiling at a stranger (not in a creepy way) can make their day. Sometimes, we’re too focused on our pain forgetting what others are going through.
On a grand scale, your breakup means nothing.
It’s just another story in your life.
Believe that you’ll get through this low moment and start experiencing good times again.
9. Have a spoil day.
To boost your mood, do something to treat yourself and feel special. A 2-hour massage is always my go-to.
If that’s not your thing, you can have a salon day with a mani-pedi, have a cream bath, or do your hair.
Allocate the money and block time for a special day to pamper yourself.
You’ve been through a lot lately. So, show love to yourself. Even better, make this day a monthly routine. Take it as a reward for showing up for yourself and a reminder that you deserve love and care.
10. Eat at a restaurant you’ve never tried.
Do you tend to go to the same restaurant and order the same meals?
I know, I do.
It has become part of my routine and I know what to expect. But after getting through a break-up, it’s time to shift things up.
You can dine in or take out. It’s a fun way to lift your spirits while you’re healing from a broken heart.
If you keep eating the same thing you used to have with your ex or order his favorite food, it will be difficult to move on.
This simple new experience can serve as a little adventure.
11. Visit a new place in your city.
Have you ever watched a review about your city and realized, “I didn’t even know that place exists in my city.”
That’s happened to me many times. It makes me realize that life is about perspective. Sometimes, we see something, but we don’t pay attention.
To refresh your mind from breakup blues, play a tourist in your city.
Make a list of places in your city you don’t know, wear your holiday outfit, and go out there for a new adventure.
You can choose a certain topic for this adventure such as “art adventure” in which you visit an art gallery, museum, etc. Or you can have a “culinary day” in which you forget your healthy diet for a day and try new foods.
12. Take yourself on a staycation.
These days, everyone takes a staycation for a quick pick-me-up.
You can make it super easy: pick a hotel and spend a night alone. Money tight? Try backpacking. If your budget allows you to splurge, take yourself to a fancy resort.
To make it more fun, pick a hotel you’ve never stayed at before. This will make sure you make the most of your experience.
Note, please don’t pick a place where you’ve ever stayed with your ex. In this staycation, we want you to have fun, make new memories, and heal your broken heart.
13. Go shopping.
Retail therapy can improve your mood.
Unplanned shopping can help relieve negative emotions. It also makes the child inside you happy knowing you can buy something new and pay for it with your own money.
You can also take things further and gamify this shopping experience. You could make a bet with yourself that if you can go to Target and only buy the things you have on the list, you’ll buy your favorite chocolate cake.
Or if you can spend less than expected or get a certain discount, you’ll make an appointment for a massage this weekend.
Retail therapy doesn’t need to drain your bank account. It depends on how you create the scenario.
14. Create a vision board.
…Or a bucket list…
Mood board.
Whatever you want to call it!
The point is, to challenge yourself to future pace and see where you want to go in life. Just because your partner leaves your life doesn’t mean your life is over. You can rebuild your life and this vision board will act as your roadmap.
You can start by making a list of the things you want for your life. Pick somewhere between 1-3 years in the future as the sweat spot to imagine your future.
Once you have your list, choose pictures that represent your dream life. Google and Pinterest will be your best friend here.
You don’t need to overthink. Pick the pictures you like and arrange them in the way you like. You can make a classic vision board with cardboard, printed photos, and pins, gather pictures in Canva and save them digitally, or make a mood board on Pinterest.
Your vision board will be a daily reminder of what you can expect to happen to your life in the future. Lastly, make sure you look at your vision board every day, and every time you doubt something, ask, “Does this matter align with my vision?”
15. Have a picnic.
Eating your favorite sandwich while enjoying the scenery can boost your mood. Yup, having a picnic is still a thing in this modern day.
You can go all in by preparing picnic baskets, blankets, and umbrellas. Or you can make it super simple and buy a sandwich and drink from the convenience store, park your car where you can enjoy the blue sky, sit on your car hood, and enjoy your picnic.
Play calming music from your phone or enjoy the silence while gazing at the open sky.
Picnics are best on warm days when you can enjoy the sun. And don’t forget to smile even if you feel like sh*t after your break-up.
Things will get better soon!
16. Write your future self a letter.
Writing a letter to your future self can be surprisingly therapeutic when you’re healing from a broken heart. If in point #14 you already made your vision board, this time, you write what your life will be like in the future.
Be as detailed as you can. Write what your day will look like, what kind of place you live in, and your future partner, and describe how you feel.
I’d suggest you write on paper. Writing by hand will slow you down and give you time to really immerse yourself in the future.
After you’ve finished writing, keep this letter.
Read this letter every day to remind you where your life is headed. It will also be your pep talk every time you feel low.
17. Write a letter to your younger self.
After a breakup, you may feel unwanted, question your worth, and think there’s something wrong with you.
If only I made a different decision back then…
But life goes on and there’s nothing you can do to change the past. The only thing you can do is learn your lesson and move on.
Writing a letter to your younger self saying that you love yourself and that you did your best back then is a great way to cure your pain.
Include anything you want in this letter. Express your anger, and disappointment, but always close your letter on a high note saying that things will only get better in the future.
Later on, you can tear this letter or burn it. It’s a symbol that what’s done is done and you’re ready for a new life.
It’s a way to acknowledge that your past struggles have made you stronger and to offer yourself the kindness and understanding you need to heal.
18. Declutter.
Go through your belongings and declutter your stuff.
To heal your broken heart, you must set your surroundings up for your success. If you keep your couple selfies on your desk long after the breakup, you will struggle to let go.
That’s why decluttering your space is a must to refresh your life.
Getting rid of everything related to your past relationship from photos, gifts, and even items like lingerie that hold memories. You can donate the items or throw them away.
It took me years to throw away a shirt my ex gave me. Please don’t make the same mistake. There’s no point in holding onto memories from people who choose to leave you.
This process can be emotionally overwhelming. If you can’t bear to do it yourself, family or a trusted friend to do it for you.
19. Redecorate your place.
Not everyone can afford to move to a new place after a breakup. Sometimes, due to financial reasons, you must stay in the same place and sleep on the same bed you used to share with your ex.
If the breakup was in bad blood, this can be emotionally torturing.
One way to get around this is by redecorating your place.
You can move some furniture to make a new layout for your place and add new decorations. Alongside decluttering in point #18, this will give your place a new vibe without buying new things.
20. Read a new book.
We’ve been talking about taking a fresh look at your place by decluttering and redecorating; expressing your sadness by writing letters, and having fun by trying new experiences.
But that’s not enough to make you thrive in your new life.
You also need to refresh your perspective in life. The best way to do this is by reading books.
Set aside 20 minutes a day to read. Pick any book you’d love to read: fiction and non-fiction are all welcome.
Nothing will change after reading for 20 minutes. But if you do it every day, all those things you read will add up.
Soon, you’ll catch yourself seeing your ex and say, “What was I thinking back then?”
21. Commute by a commuter line from end to end.
Sometimes you need time to be alone and immerse in your thoughts.
Going on a staycation may take money and time. But sitting on a commuter line from end to end can give you the same alone time at a cheap price.
You can take a break at a certain station, look around, and get another train.
You must pick non-rush hour when you do this. Prepare all the commuter routes to make sure you know your way home.
If you want, leave your phone at home. So you won’t get sucked into scrolling on social media and have no choice but to focus on your mind.
You will meet strangers on a commuter for sure. While people will mind their business, you still can watch people’s lives.
I used to sit and watch many kinds of people when I was commuting: a teacher who woke up at dawn, people who looked so tired but still dragged themselves to work, students who were excited to go to school, etc.
This made me realize that everyone struggles in life. You’re not the only one who struggles, so don’t feel like you’re the only one going through tough times.
22. Go to a theme park.
The quickest way to feel happy is by making your inner child happy. Going to a theme park can do just this!
You can let your inner child out, enjoying the thrill of the rides, screaming, eating cotton candy, and forget about adulting for a moment.
You can go alone or with your friends and family.
After you spend the day at a theme park, you’ll find life can still be fun despite the heartache. If you lost your voice due to screaming too much, that’s worth the joy you experienced.
23. Write 100 things you’re grateful for.
After breaking up, you may be surrounded by negative emotions. Thankfully, we’ve got the antidote for it: gratitude.
But honestly, it’s hard to feel grateful when you watch your ex move on with someone new while you’re dwelling in heartache.
You must force yourself to find things you can be grateful for. Whether you’re ready or not, let’s play a gratitude game.
This is what you need:
- a piece of paper.
- a pen.
- an hour of alone time.
The game is simple: Write 100 things you’re grateful for.
You can pick anything from any season of your life. It means you can be grateful for things that happened in your childhood to things that happened yesterday.
Everything counts from the simple things like feeling grateful for your favorite doll from 5 years old to the fact that you still have a job to pay your bills.
And yes, 100 things are a lot. We picked this number to challenge us to focus on the good things that happen in our lives.
After you finish this exercise, read this list every day. Now, you have tangible evidence that your life is worth being thankful for.
Don’t feel surprised once you have a positive outlook on your life, things will start getting better.
24. Write 100 things you’ve achieved in your life.
Another 100-thing challenge for you.
This time, write 100 things you have achieved.
The rule is the same as number #23.
After doing this exercise, you’ll realize you are a good catch. This will boost your confidence when you finally start dating again.
Even better, your ex may secretly regret leaving you.
25. Declutter your digital space.
We’ve been talking about decluttering your space in point number #18.
This time, you must declutter your digital space. Check your phone, and delete photos and videos that don’t bring you joy.
This also applies to your social media: Instagram grid, Facebook posts, and other social media you use.
Don’t forget your Google Drive. You don’t need to file from your Uni or high school.
Let’s adopt the Marie Kondo philosophy: Remove all files that don’t bring joy and happiness to your life.
26. Sleep for 8 hours or more.
This is an easy one.
But with the hustle mentality we have today, people treat sleep deprivation as a badge of honor.
Don’t buy it. We need sleep. Period.
You can read Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams by Matthew Walker to find the scientific evidence, and the side effects of failing to do so.
So, try to sleep 8 hours every day.
If you feel tired on the weekend, allow yourself to do nothing for a day or two.
Resting is also a productive thing you must do for your well-being.
27. Get a new haircut or hair color.
This isn’t a surprise for women. We love to get a new haircut or change our hair color to freshen our look.
For me, my ex loved my long hair. So, cutting my hair to the shortest I can handle gives me a sense of “revenge”. I even ended up sending him my picture with the short hair to piss him off.
But that’s my story. You don’t need to do the same.
Still, changing your appearance will give you a fresh look ready for a new adventure.
28. Look yourself in the eyes in the mirror and say I love you.
Take my word: When you do this for the first time, it will feel super weird.
But I was so desperate for love and kept saying “I love you” while staring into the mirror.
I cried.
After my mom left me when I was 15, I always wanted to feel loved. I put so much effort into my relationship only to find out that the easiest way to feel love is by giving it to yourself.
Today, I make saying I love you to myself as part of my daily habit. I do that every time I get ready, saying I love you after putting on my lipstick and winking to make it fun.
It’s so simple and powerful.
I wonder why nobody told me earlier in life. So, here I am telling you to do the same.
Give it a try for a strict 30 days. You will feel your self-worth increasing. Once you feel more worthy, you’ll demand others to treat you with the same respect – or they can leave your life.
29. Have a “no complaint day.”
Do you know that complaining is bad for your brain?
Research from Stanford University found that complaining or simply hearing someone complain for more than 30 minutes could physically damage our brains.
That’s why you’ll feel your mood dip if you hang out with someone who loves to complain.
But this time, let’s use this knowledge to our advantage.
Let’s have a “no complaint day.”
Challenge yourself to have no complaints whatsoever in a day.
Notice how you feel at the end of the day.
30. Write 100 reasons why someone would be lucky to have you as a partner.
I promise this is the last 100-thing challenge on this list.
I want you to write 100 reasons why someone would be lucky to have you as a partner.
Do you cringe when you read it? It’s normal if you do. Most of us grow up in a culture where it’s not natural to blow your own horn. Nevertheless, give it a try.
Remember: This list is only for your eyes. You don’t need to show it to the whole world. If you don’t advocate for yourself, who will?
This list will be a reminder that you’re such a worthy human being.
What would you do after these 30 days?
The point of this article is to show you that your life isn’t over after a breakup.
Note that some activities here are worth adopting as a daily habit like reading and exercising. If you adopt these new habits, you’ll see yourself grow as a person. And when you finally meet someone new, you already have higher standards. This may give you a good chance to have a healthier and happier relationship.
Give yourself enough time to heal and you’ll find that everything either guides you towards what you want or teaches you a valuable lesson to reach it.
You got this!
