Does your partner ask way too many questions about everything, and it’s starting to bug you? It might have been cute at first, but after a while, it’s starting to feel… a little too much? Yeah, that could be a sign of insecurity in relationships.
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But don’t worry, I’ve got some good news for you: this isn’t the end of your relationship. This article will help you and your partner deal with insecurity in relationships, and hopefully, your relationship will thrive.
In this article, you will learn about the causes of insecurity in relationships.
You’ll also learn about what makes a woman insecure in a relationship, how to stop being insecure as a woman, the types of insecurity in relationships, and most importantly, how to deal with insecurities in a relationship as a man.
Grab your snack, turn on some lo-fi beats, and buckle up because we’re about to dive deep into this article. By the end, your relationship might have 99 problems, but insecurity in relationships won’t be one of them.
What Makes a Woman Insecure in a Relationship? Applies to Men Too
Insecurity in relationships doesn’t just come out of nowhere, it’s usually shaped by things we’ve been through.
Insecurities usually come from three main things: past trauma (whether from childhood or bad experiences), how you see yourself, and comparing your life to other people’s.
Most of the time, it’s not even about the relationship; it’s the stuff you carry into it as an individual.
Take my story, for example.
My mom was narcissistic, and eventually, she left my dad and me for another guy.
That experience shaped a belief in me without even realizing it: If even my mom didn’t want to stick around, why would anyone else?
It made me feel like I should be grateful for any attention I got, be thankful for breadcrumbs, and never think I’m allowed to set my standard higher.
I only realized I can do better after 15 years of ups and downs in my personal life.
If someone’s been cheated on, ghosted, or hurt before, they might carry that fear into the next relationship.
Even if the current partner is totally loyal, those past wounds can still mess with your head.
That’s why healing from a broken heart isn’t about rushing to get a new boyfriend.
You’ve got to take time to process what happened in your last relationship, grow as a person, and then you can start meeting new people with a higher standard and a clearer mindset.
This will save you from being involved in the same love stories with different names and faces.
Boyfriend Feeling Insecure in a Relationship: Signs You Need to Be Aware Of
Before we dive in, just a heads-up: all these signs apply to both women and men. Now, let’s get down to business.
Sometimes, insecurity in relationships doesn’t come from you, it comes from your partner.
It might not be super obvious at first. But over time, it shows up in small ways that can throw off the vibe between you two.
Here are some signs to look out for:
- He needs constant reassurance.
He keeps asking if you still love him or if you’re sure you’re happy with him. Sometimes you get tired of the question and end up answering with something like, “Yeah yeah..” - He gets low-key jealous.
Jealousy is like salt: it can add a little flavor to a relationship, but too much can ruin the whole thing. If your boyfriend gets jealous of everyone and doesn’t seem to take your explanations seriously, that’s a sign he’s got some inner work to do. - He downplays your wins.
Instead of hyping you up, he might get a little salty or make comments that dim your shine. Sometimes, it even shows up as sarcasm. It might sound like a joke at first, but when it happens too often, you’ll feel it. - He gets a little controlling.
This could show up as questioning your outfit, checking in a little too much, or acting weird about your plans. However, if he starts trying to limit your time with friends or family, that’s a red flag you shouldn’t ignore. - He compares himself to others.
Like when he jokes about not being good enough for you or says you’ll probably leave him for someone “better.” It might sound like humor, but deep down, he’s not joking.
7 Common Types of Insecurity in Relationships: Which One is Yours?
Everyone has an insecurity because we’re all human.
What matters most is not pretending we’re fine, but actually figuring out what’s holding us back and doing something about it.
Not just for the sake of your relationship, but so you can grow and be the best version of you.
The first step? Find your insecurity.
Here are some of the most common ones people deal with in relationships:
1. Emotional insecurity
That feeling when you constantly need reassurance.
It usually shows up as questions like these:
Does he really love me?
Does he still love me?
What if he finds someone better? Will he still choose me?
This feeling makes you act like a detective
You check his phone all the time.
You ask a million questions about the woman standing next to him in that office event photo.
You get anxious when he talks about a female coworker, even if it’s harmless.
If you get too far, your partner will feel like he’s in an interrogation room every time he’s with you, and it makes him uncomfortable.
2. Trust insecurity
It usually shows up after you’ve been betrayed before.
When you have this kind of insecurity, your conversations often revolve around questions like, “Are you lying to me?”
A simple “ok” text feels way too short, so you decide to call.
A voice call isn’t enough, you want a video call.
Then, even though that’s not enough, you ask your partner to show you their surroundings.
Treating your partner this way can be exhausting for both of you.
And let’s be honest, it can get a little embarrassing too, especially if they’re in public with friends or coworkers.
3. Physical insecurity
Feeling like you’re not attractive enough.
You are always comparing your looks to people on social media, and suddenly, you’re deep in that “If only I look like that girl” spiral.
If you have this insecurity, even a quick glance from your partner at another woman while walking through the mall can turn into a big fight.
4. Financial insecurity
Money always becomes a big topic in a relationship.
A lot of times, guys feel less manly if they’re making less money than their partner.
Your partner might try to hold them back from advancing in their career.
Or make you feel bad for achieving so much.
It often shows up in little things, especially if you’re living together. You might find your partner say something like:
You’re working too much, and sometimes I feel like background noise in your life.
Why do you always talk about how much money you make, like it’s a competition?
And one of the most common questions he’ll throw at you is, “Which one are you choosing: family or career?”
5. Social insecurity
It often happens when you start comparing your relationship to what you see online or around you.
You might catch yourself saying something like, “Why don’t we do those cute couple things?” or “Why don’t we look as happy as they do?”
This type of insecurity makes you question your relationship’s worth based on external standards.
You forget that it’s you and your partner in this relationship. After all, you don’t really know what happens behind those ‘couple goals’ pictures.
6. Intellectual Insecurity
This insecurity usually shows up when there’s a big gap in academic background.
Imagine dating someone with a PhD while you didn’t even go to college.
It can make you feel like you’re not smart enough to keep up.
One partner might feel intimidated by the other’s education, job, or even the way they speak.
When you don’t understand half the jargon they use, it’s hard to fully enjoy the conversation, and over time, that can mess with your confidence.
7. Lifestyle Insecurity
This happens when one partner feels like their background, habits, or everyday lifestyle just aren’t “good enough.”
For example, maybe your partner comes from money and is used to fine dining, while you’ve never even looked at a menu without checking the price first.
That kind of gap can lead to some awkward moments.
Your head might spiral with thoughts like, “Did I just say something dumb?” or “Am I embarrassing my partner right now?”
It gets even harder when one of you struggles to adapt to the other’s world, whether it’s the way they talk, the places they go, or even the kind of people they hang out with.
You might feel out of place at a fancy work party where everyone’s tossing around business terms, sipping wine you can’t pronounce, and casually name-dropping places you’ve never been.
Maybe someone even makes a subtle joke about your outfit not being “on theme,” or they seem surprised when you don’t know how to use all three forks at a formal dinner.
These little moments can pile up, making you feel like you don’t belong, and that’s where lifestyle insecurity really kicks in.
How to Deal with Insecurities in a Relationship as a Man or a Woman
Do you resonate with one of the insecurities mentioned earlier?
Or maybe… You relate to all of them. That’s totally okay.
Most insecurities are connected somehow, and it’s normal to feel more than one at a time. What matters is recognizing the one that’s really been bothering you lately.
The good news is that insecurity isn’t a life sentence. Like any challenge, it can be worked through.
The fact that you’re aware of it—that you’re reading this and reflecting—is already a huge step forward.
Now, let’s dive into how you can handle each type of insecurity in relationships, one by one.
1. Emotional insecurity
Instead of checking his phone or asking loaded questions (that will enable your insecurity), ask yourself this question:” Where did this insecurity come from?”
Let’s pretend this is your answer:
“I get anxious when he doesn’t text back quickly… not necessarily because of what he’s doing, but because growing up, my dad left without saying goodbye—and I’ve carried that fear of being suddenly abandoned ever since.”
When you find the core of your fear, you will have precise things to work on to handle it.
The first thing you must do is communicate your perspective to your partner.
Explain that when he doesn’t text back quickly, it makes you feel he’s abandoned you.
Remember, you mustn’t blame him for what you are feeling.
You’ll be surprised how your partner reacts once he can see the big picture from your point of view.
Then, you can create some agreement to give both of you some space and reassurance.
In this case, maybe you can ask your partner to check in on lunch break just to show that he cares. You shouldn’t expect a quick reply on his working hours.
This could be a good middle ground for both of you.
Everyone needs different agreements depending on what triggers their insecurities.
Your job is to figure out what yours and your partner’s are, and work through them together to build a strong, healthy, and happy relationship.
2. Trust insecurity
People usually have trust issues when they’ve been betrayed before. Your pain is totally valid. Getting a cheat on can hurt you to the core and make you question your worth.
But treating your current partner as a ‘criminal’ will not set your relationship up for success.
Instead of jumping to accusations when you haven’t heard from your partner in a few hours and your mind starts spinning with worst-case scenarios, try expressing how you feel.
Let them know you’re feeling anxious, not because you don’t trust them, but because your past experiences sometimes get the best of you.
“You’ve been coming home late and missing my calls lately… I know it might be nothing, but sometimes my mind starts overthinking and I get anxious.”
That sounds much better than, “Are you cheating on me?“
Or he found you digging on his phone for no reason and started yelling at each other.
If you’re being vulnerable, you can start to talk heart to heart with your partner to set some rules to give you some security.
Some agreements couples make to help build trust and prevent cheating:
– Agree on what counts as cheating. Is flirting okay? As long as no sex is involved, does that mean no cheating? This is to make sure both of you are on the same page.
– No hidden passwords, including phones, social media, or email, are open to each other if needed; nothing to hide.
– Share social plans, especially if it’s with the opposite sex.
Some of you might argue, “But what if he still cheats on me?”
My answer will be: Good! He’s a cheater! Let him go!
The sooner you know, the better!
3. Physical insecurity
Ever heard that joke about a guy who ran off with someone less attractive than his wife?
Or how about the fact that King Charles III preferred Camilla over his late ex-wife, Princess Diana? That pretty much says it all.
My point is that there is so much more to a relationship than just physical attraction.
Your partner chose you for your personality, values, humor, and everything you bring to the relationship that makes his life better than being single.
So if you’re worried that your partner will meet someone more beautiful than you, I’ve got bad news: he absolutely will.
But that’s not something to worry about.
That’s just part of life.
Sure, you can put on some makeup, go on a diet, work out for a bikini body, get Botox, or even go under the knife to enhance your appearance, but that doesn’t heal your insecurity.
What you must do is change your perspective about your worth in the relationship.
Why don’t you ask your partner why he chose you as his partner? (This is a scary question, I know!)
His answer might surprise you.
Maybe what makes you special is that you always listen to him.
Maybe he can’t even imagine how to get through some low moments in his life without your support.
Whatever the answer is, it should give you a new perspective on how your partner looks at you.
And if your partner glances at someone else, girl, that’s just a man’s eye. They love cleavage, and there’s not much you can do about it.
Think of it like us women when we see a guy with visible abs jogging shirtless—yeah, we’re looking.
It doesn’t mean we love them—it’s just a moment. Same goes for him.
4. Financial insecurity
To deal with financial insecurity in relationships, you need a mix of empathy, honest communication, and boundary-setting.
Here’s how:
1. Reassure your partner without dimming your light.
Let them know how you see their role in the partnership beyond the money they contribute to the relationship.
“I got a promotion at work! Now we can reach our financial goals even faster. Thank you so much for your support through all my ups and downs.”
You can also make this reassurance fun by writing a list of “100 Things I Love About You” and giving it to your partner as a surprise letter.
This honest conversation can strengthen your relationship without making you shrink yourself.
2. Use “we” when you talk about money in a relationship.
Instead of competing over who earns more, treat finances as a shared goal.
“How can we budget better?” or “What are our financial goals this year?” sounds much better than “Look how much money I make this year!”
This builds a partnership vibe, not a scoreboard mentality.
3. Set emotional boundaries when guilt trips happen.
Once, my granny taught me how to answer the “career or family” question.
She said, “If a man ever asks you to choose between your career and family, choose your career.”
I remember my jaw dropping. “Wow, I can’t believe you just said that.”
She continued, “A man who truly loves you will understand your character and know how important your career is to you. His question should be, ‘What can I do to help you achieve more?’”
If you find a man like that, keep him.
And don’t forget to ask the same question in return: what his dreams are and how you can make him feel supported.
Your partner’s insecurity isn’t a free pass to limit your growth.
It’s a sign that both of you need to grow together for the relationship to work.
5. Social insecurity
To deal with social insecurity, you need to remind yourself of this simple truth: Instagram is not reality.
What you see online is often just the highlight reel—carefully curated moments, not the full story.
That couple who looks madly in love? They might have just argued five minutes before that cute picture was taken.
Instead of comparing, focus on improving the quality of your relationship. Ask yourself:
What makes our relationship feel meaningful?
What small moments make us laugh or feel loved?
What can we do—together—that’s authentic to us, not what others are doing?
Your relationship should be authentic for both of you to be beautiful.
Additionally, don’t forget to appreciate what you already have. Sometimes we overlook the good things in our lives because we’re too busy chasing or comparing them to what’s out there.
6. Intellectual Insecurity
Everyone wants to seem smart around their partner. And yeah, having a degree is often seen as a sign of being smart.
But honestly, a degree doesn’t always mean success. Just look around, plenty of people without one are doing amazing things in life.
They just took a different route from the traditional path, and that’s totally okay.
However, if you or your partner is struggling with intellectual insecurity, here are some practical tips to deal with it:
– Don’t feel small if your partner talks about things you don’t understand. Feel curious. Ask questions and listen carefully. Let your partner show off his world. Trust me, man loves that!
– You can share things that you understand. Even if it’s about make-up or fashion that your partner is not really interested in. Your self-confidence will make your partner feel he’s a lucky guy.
– Keep your inner critic in check. Insecurity usually grows from within, so make it a habit to speak kindly to yourself. Never say things to yourself that you wouldn’t say to someone you care about.
7. Lifestyle Insecurity
We all come from different walks of life. And when you’re in a serious relationship, you naturally start stepping into your partner’s world too.
So yeah, feeling a little out of place now and then is normal.
But hey, it doesn’t mean your relationship’s in trouble. Here are some chill, real-life tips to help you handle lifestyle insecurity like a pro:
- Remind yourself that there’s a reason your partner chose you over anyone else. You belong beside him, and there’s nothing about you to be ashamed of.
- See this as an opportunity to learn something new. Ask questions, stay curious, laugh a little, and enjoy the moment.
- Let your partner experience your world too. Take him to your favorite street food spot instead of always feeling like your life has to match his.
Getting to know each other’s worlds like this can be one of the most meaningful and beautiful parts of your relationship.
The One Thing You Must Know When Making Agreements in a Relationship
You’ll notice we often use agreements to deal with insecurity in relationships. And yeah, they can help to a certain point.
But when you start piling on too many rules, things can get real heavy, real fast.
Too many rules can suck the joy right out of the connection.
Suddenly, your relationship is about keeping up with a checklist to avoid upsetting each other.
Nobody wants to stay in that kind of relationship.
Thankfully, you’ll have a better approach to handling insecurity in relationships in the next section…
This is How to Stop Being Insecure in a Relationship as a Woman and a Man
Instead of stressing over checking every box on your “relationship agreement list,” just to make things work, why not shift that energy into working on yourself?
Because let’s be real: nobody’s truly happy living with insecurity, especially if it’s rooted in old wounds or past trauma.
The better way to free yourself from all those fears is by growing into a stronger version of you.
The more grounded and confident you become, the less space insecurity has in your life (and your relationship).
Here’s how you can grow out of insecurity and become the best version of yourself:
- Start with self-awareness. What exactly are you insecure about? What’s the root of your insecurity? Keep asking yourself “why” until you find the real answer.
- Heal your wounds. You can learn to heal your wound by therapy, journaling, or talking to family or friends. It’s gonna be a rough journey, but it’s worth it.
- Work on yourself. Now that you know what you’re insecure about, take action. Get fit, dress better, pick up a new skill or hobby to boost your confidence, find a better job or side hustle, etc.
The point is, you’ve gotta find that sweet spot between owning who you are and leveling up.
If your partner really loves you, they’ll appreciate the effort you’re putting into growing, not just for you, but for the relationship, too.
Let’s Grow Together: Overcoming Insecurity in Relationships and Strengthening Your Bond
As you can see, the key to dealing with insecurity in a relationship is trusting that you have something meaningful to offer.
Insecurity in relationships is normal, and anyone who says they have none is lying.
You can work through it together and grow as a team.
And here’s the kicker: once you overcome one insecurity, another might pop up.
That’s just the cycle of life.
As the saying goes, “New level, new devil,” which applies to relationships at every stage.
Let’s enjoy the ride!
