10 Easy Steps How To Start Your Life Over as a Single Woman

If you put a frog in boiling water, it will immediately jump out of the pot.

But if you put the frog in the pot, and then turn the temperature higher until the water is boiling, the frog will stay in the pot until it has died.

Here’s the kicker: We are the frog. The boiling water represents the challenges that we face in life.

This explains why people stay in toxic jobs even if they hate them.

Why is leaving a toxic relationship difficult, and why don’t people initiate the breakup?

It’s why poor people stay poor and trash-talk those who have changed their lives for the better.

A complete life makeover is hard. Our brains hate new patterns. When we make radical changes, the one who opposes them most is ourselves.

Fortunately, in this article, you’ll learn 10 easy steps on how to start your life over as a single woman. You can do this by making gradual changes that make changes, so the process is less scary. 

Let’s get started!

Step 1: Accept Your Current Reality.

The first step in how to start your life over with nothing is to accept where you are right now. You don’t have to love every part of your situation; you just need to see it the way it is.

No complaining. No blaming others. Just acceptance.

Not only should you accept your life the way it is, but you must also engage in deep thinking to analyze every area of your life.

How are your finances? How’s your health? Is your career helping you achieve your financial goals?

What about your relationships? Do you spend enough time catching up with friends and family? Do you want to get married? When? How do you feel about having children?

Answering these questions will uncover what’s missing in your life. If you have already identified the problem, you can start making plans for what you need to shape your fresh start!

Step 2: Set New Goals and Dreams for Your Future Self.

In step 1, you defined your current situation. Now, it’s time to decide where you want to go.

Ask, “What kind of life do I want to live in?”

Don’t edit yourself when you’re answering this question. Don’t let the “how” determine what you will and won’t allow yourself to dream. You’ll figure that out later. 

Write your answers on a piece of paper. You can use bullet points, or you can script your ideal day from the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep. Write down how you feel when you’re living your best life.

Once you decide what you want in the future, find pictures on Google or Pinterest that represent your vision. Be super detailed on your vision board. Our brains work well with specificity.

Don’t just write, “I want to drive my dream car.” Decide what your dream car looks like. What type of car? What color? Asking these questions will make it easier for you to find pictures of it on the internet. 

Gather all the pictures of your future life and put them somewhere you’ll always see them—maybe on your desk or as your phone background. When you see your future life every day, you’ll engrain it into your subconscious mind.

Step 3: Declutter Your Life (Physically, Mentally, and Digitally).

What happens if you keep buying new clothes?

Your wardrobe will get full. Soon, you might find it difficult to close the door. You’ll have brand-new clothes that you’ve never worn.

The same principle applies to your life.

If you don’t like your current situation, ask yourself, “How long have I been letting things—problems, people, stuff, etc.—affect my life?”

If the answer is “My whole life,” it’s time to declutter.

Part of the journey on how to start your life over again is learning to let go of old ways to make room for the new.

We’ll start with decluttering your environment. This is an easy one. If you don’t remember when the last time you used something, it needs to go. You can throw it away or donate it. Keep only the essentials.

Do the same thing with your digital files. Go through your social media. Does it represent who you want to be? If your posts are full of negative vibes, revamp them.

If you want to keep old photos, make sure they bring you happiness. Save them in the cloud; you don’t need to carry them on your phone.

Finally, you need to declutter your mind. This is tough but necessary.

Ask yourself these questions:

• What negative thoughts or beliefs are holding me back?
• Which past experiences or emotions am I still carrying with me?
• What are my stress or anxiety triggers? How can I eliminate them?
• Who am I spending my time with? Do these people uplift me?

When I followed this step, the last question hit me hardest. I realized that I had dated someone who was a negative person. He didn’t attack me with his negativity, but he was sarcastic all the time.

I loved him so much that I continued to hang out with him even after the relationship ended. No wonder my life plateaued for seven years.

Once I cut him out of my life, things started changing.

The first thing I realized was that I shouldn’t spend so much energy explaining why I had to do something or fighting his negativity. If I wanted to try something new, I should just do it. It was my life, after all. I was the one who lived with the consequences.

Moral of the story: Decluttering your life covers all aspects, including stuff, people, and principles that no longer serve you.

Step 4: Become Financially Independent.

When you’re starting your life over as a single woman, you must become financially independent. You should be able to pay your bills and then some.

If you don’t master your money, you’ll always worry about your future.

Start with this question: “Can I make my own money?”

If your answer is “No,” this should be your top priority.

Once you’re making money to pay your bills, it’s time to aim for financial stability. You need to get out of debt and build an emergency fund that covers at least 3 months of life expenses.

To achieve this milestone, you must track your spending, save regularly, and acquire a new money mindset. The last one is a bit tricky.

Let me give you an example. 

I know someone who believes that the more money you make, the more expenses you have. This guy makes a lot of money, and he enjoys it, but he has no assets to show for it.

Another guy told me that his mom taught him that no matter how much money we have, we should enjoy it. And that’s exactly what he does: spend his money to make him happy, down to the last penny.

My childhood friend is obsessed with being rich. He has started his own business, makes tons of money, and does everything “rich people do” even if he doesn’t like it.

I could go on and on about the many beliefs surrounding money.

To tidy your finances, you should be open to learning new beliefs. The technical aspects of building your finances are simple: Live below your means, allocate the gap toward paying off your debt, build your savings, and invest to make more money.

The larger your “gap,” combined with the right strategy, the faster you can make financial progress.

Step 5: Set New Routines that Build You Up.

Success doesn’t come from what you do occasionally. It comes from what you do habitually. 

If you take the right actions, your best life will come to you over time.

This is why, if you want to start your life over again after a breakup, you must establish a routine that helps you close the gap between your current life and your ideal life.

The question is: How do you think a successful person behaves?

Fortunately, it’s not a secret. Here are 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey:

• Take full responsibility for their life.
• Have a clear life goal.
• Do their most important task rather than being busy.
• Seek a win-win solution in every interaction with people.
• Be a good listener before expressing your own viewpoint.
• Collaborate effectively with others to create better solutions.
• Always be learning to improve yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Now, let’s put these into action.

If you want to be a good listener, you must learn to listen. Do your research on Google and YouTube on how to be a good listener and start practicing.

Ask for feedback from people around you. It might be difficult to hear, but you must get through this process to improve.

Once you master the habit of listening to others, take on other habits and start again.

Adopting good habits will put you on an upward spiral. The more you practice them, the more good things will unfold. Then, you’ll realize that there’s always more to learn.

That’s why people say success is a journey, not a destination. It ends only when you die.

Step 6: Build a New Social Circle.

We are the average of the 5 people we hang out with every day.

Don’t believe me? Let’s play a game. Name the 5 people you spend the most time with.

Do you see similarities between yourself and those 5 people?

Do you share the same jokes, watch the same shows, and complain about the same things?

Do you live similar lives? I bet you do.

The final question is: “Do you like your current life?”

If your answer is no, you need a new social circle.

When we are children, meeting new people happens automatically. We have new classmates every couple of years.

But after school, you must choose to expose yourself to new people.

How do you know if you’re hanging out with the right crowd?

If you feel like the dumbest person in the room, that means you have much to learn to catch up with your peers. 

This process will be uncomfortable. It might make you feel inferior and trigger your insecurities.

Hang out with people who are living your dream life. That way, when you upgrade yourself, your friends will align with what you want.

But what about your old friends? Should you just cut them off and pretend that they don’t exist?

Fortunately, you don’t have to do that. If you genuinely like some of your old friends, keep them around. Catch up with them from time to time.

But most days, choose to hang out with people who uplift you.

Step 7: Try New Adventures.

We’ve been talking about having a new circle to spice up your life. The easiest way to do that is by trying new things.

Try a new restaurant, visit a new travel destination, work out at a new gym, try a new workout class, pick up a new hobby, learn a new skill, or move to a new place.

The list goes on and on.

Trying new things will help you get out of the breakup rut and start over your life. Your new adventure will give you insights about what’s happening in your life.

When you try new things, focus on enjoying the experience. Not every new thing you try will give you a good experience.

It’s like finding your true love. You need to date a bunch of people to find the one. At some point, you’ll probably have the worst date ever. Most of the other dates will be just okay. Rinse and repeat until you find your person.

If you never go on a date, you’ll never find him.

Start by challenging yourself to do one new thing every week. Do this for three months and see how it changes your life.

Note that people do stupid things when they are coping with broken hearts. That means you need to set rules on how to pick the adventure you want to experience. Here are some ideas:

• Your safety should be your top priority.
• Don’t do things that will lead to long-term consequences: have unsafe sex with strangers, get married, buy a house, etc.
• This new adventure isn’t always about having fun. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is read books, eat well, pray, and put in the work starting a new life at 35, and beyond.

Step 8: Protect Your Energy and Learn to Say No.

When it comes to starting over your life, you’ll encounter the topic of productivity. Who doesn’t want to make the most of their time? But this isn’t the only thing you should pay attention to; managing your energy is more important.

Working on tasks becomes faster and more enjoyable when you’re in the right place physically and mentally. That way, you don’t need to “kill” yourself when pursuing your goal.

Here are practical tips on how to protect your energy:

• Be okay with saying no. In the book Anything You Want, Derek Sivers says, “If you’re not feeling “hell yeah!” then say no.” You don’t need to be rude; you just need to be firm.
• We all have Debbie Downers in our lives. If you want to make progress in life, limit the time you spend hanging out with these people. Surround yourself with positive people.
• Make it a daily non-negotiable to recharge your body, mind, and soul. Some examples are daily walking, daily reading, and anything that makes you feel good.

This isn’t a suggestion to be selfish.

On the contrary, you must do this for the people you love. If you never prioritize yourself, you can’t function well. You’ll burn out or even get depressed. In that state, you can’t be a good daughter, wife, or mom.

Your loved ones don’t want you to sacrifice yourself until you die. They want you to be healthy, happy, and pleasant to be around. Always remember this every time you feel guilty about doing what you want.

Step 9: Take It One Day at a Time.

Let’s be real: Starting your life from scratch won’t be easy. Otherwise, everyone would do it. Your secret weapon is to focus on the journey. Take it one day at a time. 

Expect things to be hard. There will be times when you want to give up or when things look impossible.

Even worse, you’ll find yourself failing to achieve something or make progress.

You’ll fall asleep when you should be working out.

You’ll eat chips and binge on a Netflix series instead of eating salad and reading books.

On your anniversary, you might cry all night, reminiscing about your old relationship and wondering what went wrong.

Yes, you are wasting your life by doing this, but it will happen, and it’s normal.

Brush it off and give yourself another shot.

Be kind. Don’t feel guilty, and don’t shame yourself. Remember, what you say to yourself is the most important voice in your life.

Don’t be stressed about the big picture. Trust that as long as you put forth your best effort, everything will work out for you in the end.

Step 10: Take Baby Steps Toward Your New Life.

The most difficult part of how to completely start your life over is taking the first step.

Many people try to do the right thing from the get-go and end up doing nothing at all.

That’s why baby steps are your best friend.

If you want to get in shape, start with a 10-minute walk each day rather than a 2-hour workout at the gym. I do this trick myself. After 6 months, I walk at least 7,500 steps daily and engage in a Pilates exercise twice a week.

You might want to start dating again but having this mindset when you’re trying to find a new social circle can be overwhelming. Rather than worrying about your next date, try to introduce yourself to someone new every week.

You get the point.

Those baby steps will add up to big results over time.

And the more you do things, the more you’ll come to believe that this “starting your life over” thing is the real deal. 

Yes, You Can Start Your Life Over—At Any Age.

Is it easy to start a new life? No, it’s not easy but possible.

See your life as a book, and each year is a chapter.

You have the freedom to write anything in a new chapter. 

Can you start your life over at 30? Yes! I was starting a new life at 35.

Can you start your life over at 40? Yes! Search ‘how to start a new life at 40’ and you’ll see that many women have done it.

However, starting over your life doesn’t mean you abandoning your responsibilities. If you’re the mom of a toddler, you’re not going to put your kid up for adoption in order to have a new life. Do everything in moderation.

Nobody knows how many chapters you have left, so enjoy every season of your life!