How to Reinvent Yourself After a Breakup (Part 2).
Here we are at the second part of reinventing ourselves after a breakup.
In Part 1, you learned about reinventing your body and mind. Now, it’s time to learn about reinventing your soul.
Read this article if you want to live a fulfilling life.
You don’t need to be a religious person to learn something from this blog post.
Let’s dive in!
5 Tips to Reinvent Your Soul.
The journey to reinventing yourself requires feeding your soul.
This part might sound a little woo-woo, but I believe it’s important to discuss even if you’re not a religious person.
A soul is something inside you. You can feel it but you can’t see it. Sometimes, you can’t even explain what it is.
The easiest way to see if your soul is content is to determine whether, despite the fact that you’re healthy, you have food on the table, and a roof above your head, and you’re making more money than you were 5 years ago, you feel like something is missing. If that’s the case, your soul might need some attention.
Now, we’ll explore 5 tips to help you reinvent your soul and create a more fulfilling life.
1. Practice mindfulness.
Mindfulness can be like a soothing balm for your soul. But what exactly is it?
It’s being present and fully engaged at the moment without judgment or distraction.
It involves paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations, and to the surrounding environment. Mindfulness is often cultivated through meditation practices, but it can also be integrated into everyday activities.
But let’s be real here. Who’s excited about meditating every day?
No one?
Thank you for being honest.
To me, meditating sounded too “out there.” I’m a number cruncher who believes in statistics when making decisions. But did I end up practicing mindfulness and meditation?
Yes. After feeling stuck for 15 years and reading a lot about successful people like Oprah, who make time to meditate daily, I decided to give this thing a second thought.
I said to myself, “I’ve been super logical for 35 years, and see where I am. Let’s try something new. Even if it doesn’t work, nobody will die. So, there’s nothing to worry about.”
I’m not a meditation guru, but I can tell you, that practicing mindfulness helps me catch my feelings and identify what my body needs.
If I’m tired, I know I need to rest.
If I crave sugar, it makes me think about my eating habits.
How do I meditate?
I set a timer for 10 minutes, close my eyes, and sit tight. I focus on my breath, letting thoughts come and go without getting caught up in them.
Once the timer is up, I’m done.
Make it part of your daily ritual. You can do it at the end of your day, in the morning, or even after lunch. Do trial and error until you find what works best for you.
And be ready: Nothing major will happen after you meditate for the first time.
You’ll feel the difference only after doing it for a couple of weeks.
Don’t overcomplicate things by worrying about buying the right candle, finding the right music, redecorating part of your place to create a meditation corner, etc. Start simple, even if it’s for one minute. Sometimes, on busy days, I meditate while I commute on the train. You’ll be surprised at what you can catch when you’re in the middle of the hustle and bustle.
After a breakup, this ritual will help you calm down and gather yourself. It helps you deal with all the swirling emotions at the end of a relationship. Once you feel the benefit, you’ll want to make more time to do it.
2. Do a random kind of kindness every day.
Doing a random act of kindness every day increases happiness in both givers and receivers. This is based on information in the Journal of Experimental Psychology.
To heal your soul and reinvent yourself, use kindness as your secret weapon.
Give away a cup of hot chocolate in a park or buy a coffee for your coworker.
When you see a woman in a dashing outfit, tell her she looks good.
Say thank you to the barista and wish her a good day.
Even a random smile at others can make them feel seen.
The basic rules are:
- be sincere
- don’t ask for a phone number
- don’t be creepy.
When you do something kind, you feel warmth in your heart. You smile and feel a sense of worthiness. It’s hard to feel depressed when you experience these feelings. That’s why the more kindness you show, the less likely you are to feel depressed.
Why not challenge yourself to do random kindnesses for 30 days? Then, tell me how you feel about your life.
3. Forgive yourself, your ex, and others.
To move on after separating, you must let go of the past and all the negative emotions that come with it. However, I can say from personal experience, that after the sadness is gone, what’s left is anger.
I was so angry with myself. Why did I make such a stupid choice?
Why did I let others tell me what to do with my life while they got what they wanted in life?
Blaming myself wasn’t enough. The next target was my ex.
Why did he choose to walk away from me after so long?
Why was he such a coward?
He was much older than me: He should have known better and given me some guidance or something.
This thought pattern kept me in the loop of blaming my ex, myself, and anyone I could think of. It led nowhere. At the end of the day, I had gained nothing. I was still single, struggling with my finances, and wondering what my life would look like in the next 5-10 years.
To make a difference, you must take a different path. If forgiving your ex is still difficult, start by forgiving yourself.
You can write a letter to your younger self saying that you’re sorry for what happened, and you forgive her. Tell her that she has already done her best. Read this letter every day to soothe your soul. If you read the letter out loud, it will trigger your emotions and you might cry.
Allow yourself to express your emotions and forgive yourself.
This process won’t be pretty. Keep doing it until you feel better. If you want to write another letter to yourself, do it. Let your heart tell you what it needs so it can heal and be ready to love again.
Once you’re done with yourself, it will be easier to focus on your ex. Write another letter to express your anger and say that you forgive him. You’re doing this because you want to move on, and you deserve a better life.
Read this letter until you feel your anger fading.
If you hold a grudge against other people, you can write other letters. When you remove all the grudges inside you, your heart gets lighter. It’s like throwing away garbage so it doesn’t smell or weigh you down.
The process of writing letters and reading them out loud is only for yourself. You don’t need to announce it to the world. It’s your little secret. Once you’re done, you can burn, the letters, tear them apart, or bury them in the ground as a symbolic act of letting go.
Remember, forgiving the other person isn’t the same thing as saying they were right. It sets you free. Then, you’ll be ready to embrace the future with a lighter heart.
4. Challenge yourself to set goals bigger than yourself.
What does that mean?
If we’re talking about changing our lives, most of the time we’re thinking about making more money, having a nice car, buying a bigger house, traveling, getting married, and anything related to our needs.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with that.
But have you ever thought that you can set a goal bigger than yourself?
For example, you aim to have a 6-figure year because you want a better life for yourself. Alongside that, imagine what you can do for others if you have that kind of money.
Let’s say, you set aside 10% of your income for charity. The more money you make, the more good you can do in the world.
In a nutshell: Let’s do kindness on steroids.
If small things like saying thank you with a genuine smile to your barista can make their day and give you happiness, imagine how happy your life will be when you can do bigger things.
By having a goal bigger than yourself, you can impact the lives of others while living a fulfilling life.
5. Pray.
Ok, this part is only for those who believe in the universe / a higher power / God.
If that’s not your thing, feel free to skip this section.
Praying is a way to communicate with God. It comforts and empowers your soul. No matter what happens, you know you’re not alone in this big, cruel world. No matter how hard things get, you always have a higher power to back you up.
Everyone can have their own way of praying. Here’s how I do it.
To make sure I pray, I make it part of my morning routine. Every morning, I look at my vision board and pray while pointing out things I want.
After praying, I sit for 10 minutes to listen to my body, mind, and soul. (This is practicing the mindfulness part.) If something pops up, I write it down. After I pray, I create my to-do list for the day.
So, you see, I pray before deciding what to do every day. Praying isn’t wishing that miracles will suddenly change my life. You must do the work, and ask for guidance. Then, the miracle will slowly unfold itself.
I’ve been doing this for 2 years and I can feel my life shift as I want. I have built a new business, healed from my broken heart, and started dating again.
What You Can Expect When You Start Your Journey.
You’ve been equipped with tips to rejuvenate your body, mind, and soul. But the journey to reinvention takes time.
I’ve written this part to prepare you for what will happen once you embark on your adventure. Also, I’ve provided tips on how to keep going when things get hard.
1. Start with one thing. Own it. Then tackle another one.
This article (parts 1 and 2) shares 15 tips. However, if you try to do everything at once, you’ll set yourself up for overwhelm and burnout.
You’ll fail. Big time!
Even worse, you might throw in the towel entirely.
The key to winning the game is to start with one thing and own it before moving on to the next thing.
Choose one thing you want to do from this article. Do it for 3 months. Once you can do it automatically, without arguing with yourself, you can add other tips.
Of course, some tips might stick with you more easily than others. So, 3 months isn’t a fixed number. You can adjust the timetable according to your personality. The point is, to start a new thing only after you’ve mastered the previous one.
Usually, you keep going when you finally feel the benefit of doing the thing. It motivates you to do more.
Let’s take exercise as an example. If you walk for just 20 minutes, 3 times a week, you might not see much change at first. However, if you maintain this routine for 6 months or more, you’ll start to see a real difference in your health and fitness.
Once you’ve got that first tip down, you can add another one, and another, until you’ve completely transformed yourself.
That being said, we can conclude this will be a slow-burn journey. But if you take the first step and keep going, you’ll look back and be amazed at how different you become.
2. You’ll be making a difficult decision.
Reinventing yourself after a breakup is tough because you’re stepping into the unknown and doing things that make you uncomfortable.
Let’s say you realized you’d been living your life based on what your partner wanted, not on what you truly desired. Now that you’re single, it’s time to get back in the driver’s seat. Maybe you want to change your career, grow vegetables in a garden, or pack your bags and travel the world.
Making this decision will require you to do difficult things.
You might need to submit your 2 weeks’ notice.
You might need to learn new skills.
You might need to sell everything you have and find the courage to go abroad for the first time.
It might even be a simple thing like moving to a new place.
Reinventing your life isn’t easy, but it can lead to incredible growth and happiness.
Focus on taking your first step. Trust yourself to handle whatever life throws at you. You’ll always come out stronger.
3. Some people won’t like the new you.
When you start doing something new, not everyone will be on board. This can be tough, but it’s part of the process.
Let’s say you decided to focus on your health and started going to the gym regularly. Your friends who usually have pizza-and-movie nights might not be thrilled with the change.
At first, you might feel hurt and frustrated as you value your friendships and don’t want to lose them.
The good news is that you don’t have to remove those people from your life. You just need to hang out with them less. If you used to hang out with them every week, make it every month or even every 3 months.
As you adapt to your new lifestyle, you’ll find new friends who align with your new identity. Who knows? You might inspire your existing friends to make some changes in their lives.
People’s reactions are more about their own insecurities. It has nothing to do with your life choices.
Above all, those who are meant to be in your life want the best for you. They will embrace the new you and keep cheering you on your new journey.
4. You’ll fall off the bandwagon.
This is totally normal.
Life gets messy, and change is hard!
If it were easy, everyone would do it.
Let’s say you decided to read for an hour every day, 5 days a week. After a month, or even sooner, you might find life getting in the way.
Work got crazy, you caught a cold, or you forgot. Suddenly, those 5 days of reading turned into zero.
You’re disappointed in yourself. But don’t give up.
Rather than giving up, adjust the target.
Make it 15 minutes a day rather than an hour. To avoid forgetting, block out 15 minutes before your bedtime to read, and set reminders in your phone calendar.
No matter what change you try to make, setbacks are a natural part of the process. It’s a sign you must adjust your plan, be creative, and make things easy for you to win.
5. You’ll never “get there” because reinventing yourself is a life journey.
Reinventing yourself is like taking a road trip with no final destination. There’s always something new to discover, another turn to take, and a different view to enjoy along the way.
Imagine you want to start an online business. At first, the idea of making $1,000 a month is a dream come true. You do the work, fail, try again, and make some progress. Long story short, after 3 months, you find yourself making your first $1,000 per month.
You’re over the moon! But 3 seconds later, a new idea pops up: If I make $5,000 a month, that would be great!
This cycle will go on and on. You will set a bigger goal, achieve it, and then set another goal.
If your only goal is to achieve a certain result, your journey will be bumpy. You’ll be disappointed when you fail, and happy when you hit the goal. You’ll also realize you still have many things to do to achieve your new goal.
To live a happier life, find joy in the journey of pursuing your goals. Celebrate each step you take, regardless of the outcome. When you do this, your lifelong journey will be more enjoyable and fulfilling.
Have You Checked Out Part 1 About Reinventing Your Body and Mind?
As we wrap up this second part of reinventing ourselves after a breakup, it’s important to reflect on what you’ve learned so far.
You’ve learned about feeding your soul so that you can live a fulfilling life.
Also, you’ve learned what to expect when you start changing your life for the better.
However, those two things are not enough. You must also make some changes in your physical well-being and feed new thoughts to your mind. Find the details in part 1 of this series.
Until next time, take care of yourself, I can’t wait to continue this journey with you.
