15 Powerful Ways to Declutter Your Mind Post-Breakup

The hardest part of a breakup isn’t saying goodbye. It’s figuring out how to find yourself again and steer your future.

When the relationship ends, you’ll experience emotional ups and downs. Most of those feelings will be negative: rejection, anger, loneliness, and fear.

If you want to move on, you must clear those negative feelings out of your mind.

Otherwise, your head will be full of mental clutter that pulls you off center. You might forget important dates, leave the water running, or keep the stove on. Or get involved in a $5,000 scam like I did.

The point is, your brain won’t work well.

This article shares 15 powerful ways to declutter your mind post-breakup. When you follow these tips, you’ll be able to answer the question, “What’s next?” and begin your journey toward a fresh start.

1. Be kind to yourself.

We are our worst enemies. How many times a day do you say terrible things to yourself?

You’re so lazy, work harder!

No wonder your mom left, you’re hopeless! (This is my mean inner voice thanks to my childhood trauma.)

It’s too late for me to change.

Stop it!

If you want to declutter your mind after break up with boyfriend, you must learn to be kind to yourself.

Treat yourself respectfully and show the same compassion and understanding you’d offer to a friend.

How exactly should you show respect for yourself?

You can start with simple things like wearing an outfit that makes you feel your best.

Say “no” if you don’t want to do something.

Let yourself have fun, whether that’s traveling, getting a massage, or having a solo date.

Pat yourself on the back for every small win you have.

Forgive yourself for your mistakes. After all, you do your best in every situation.

Most importantly, speak kindly to yourself. Your self-image is the most important tool for boosting your confidence.

2. Accept that you can’t change your past.

If you want to learn to how to declutter your mind, you must accept that you can’t change your past. Sometimes, you just need to accept it and not overthink everything in an attempt to find the answer to “why things happen the way they do.”

Your partner has left. There’s no point in dwelling on “what-ifs” or wishing things were different.

Instead, challenge yourself to step back and see the bigger picture.

Why do I want my ex to come back?

What did I gain from this relationship, or was I compromising too much?

Am I mourning the loss of the person or just the idea of what I hoped the relationship could be? (This is a big one for me!)

By asking better questions, you can shift your focus and use the situation to uplift your life.

I did this when I was 35, it was the best thing I’d ever done. I had an epiphany: All my relationships hadn’t served my life well in the long run. It’s still painful, and I cry a lot, but deep down, I know that things will get better once I’m done with the grieving phase.

So, try it yourself and see how it turns out.

3. Get outside and move your body.

This is an easy pick-me-up secret when you’re in a breakup rut. Get outside, take a walk, and enjoy your surroundings.

You can put in your earbud and enjoy your favorite podcast while moving your body. Or you can practice mindfulness by walking without white noise. Enjoy every step you take, notice how your body feels, and pay attention to your breath.

Mindful walking is a good entry point for those who want to learn meditation to declutter the mind.

If you’re not in the mood to get out of the house, do something that raises your heart rate.

You can play YouTube videos for simple home workouts, do yoga or Pilates, or dance to your favorite song. You might look a bit crazy, but who cares? Your place, your rules!

4. Have some laughs.

Have you ever noticed that kids laugh more often than adults? No wonder people say that childhood is the happiest time of life.

Now that we’re adults, our minds are cluttered with responsibilities, problems, unresolved issues, information overload, comparisons, negative thoughts, etc. If you want to be happier, practice not taking yourself so seriously and laugh more often.

Be creative about bringing more laughter into your life. You can hang out with funny friends, watch stand-up comedy, read the Sunday comic strips, or play with your kids or dog.

My favorite technique is to revisit my funniest memories. These memories can become a mental boost button whenever I need it.

5. Zone out to distract yourself.

Sometimes, you need to let your mind rest by doing things that don’t require deep thinking. The perfect time to do this is in the evening when you finish your day.

Zoning out is one of the powerful ways to declutter your mind post-breakup. You can look at the sky, take deep breaths, and enjoy the view from your window. You can also try new creative hobbies such as crocheting, painting, sewing, drawing, etc.

When you make time to zone out, you’ll feel fresh when you get back to your daily routine. Your brain will work faster and more efficiently.

6. Declutter your surroundings.

This is the most obvious piece of advice in this list: Decluttering your mind starts with decluttering your environment.

You can’t move on from a broken heart if you still have a cute selfie with your ex on your dresser, wear his shirt, and eat his favorite food every Saturday night.

Shake this pattern from your brain. Replace the cute selfie with your newest vision board, buy a new shirt with an encouraging message, or visit a new restaurant.

What decluttering does for your mind?

It makes space for your new life.

It’s like screaming to the universe: I’m ready for a new life!

Besides your surroundings, also declutter your digital space. Audit your Instagram and make some changes to ensure your grid represents the newest you. Check your phone and Google Drive to delete old files, pictures, and conversations.

7. Control your content intake.

How do you feel when you wake up and immediately watch the news?

I bet you feel anxious all day.

Our brains are wired to pay attention to negative things, and news is designed to feed that tendency. That’s why we must be selective in choosing which information we consume. The more we feed our minds with negativity, the more we’ll have negative biases toward life.

You can’t expect a happy life if you have a negative mindset.

This information comes from more than the news. It includes everything you expose yourself to, including people you hang out with and the content you watch online.

When you are brokenhearted, you feel seen and validated when you watch content about breakups – how painful they are, how men are jerks, etc. Sure, there’s truth in all that, and your feelings are valid, but dwelling in your broken heart state won’t serve you over time.

You’ll learn to declutter your mind post-breakup by deliberately consuming content that helps you heal and reinvent yourself.

Okay, but how to declutter your life and mind for real?

Do a TikTok and Instagram audit and see what kinds of people you choose to watch. You can train the algorithm to work in your favor by choosing uplifting content. Every time you watch something, ask, “Is this benefitting my life in any way?”

Last but not least, stop stalking your ex on social media.

Don’t let your ex take up your mental space long after the relationship ends.

It’s a waste of time.

8. Live your life beyond the screen.

Look at your phone and check on your screen time. How many hours do you spend living through your screen?

Mine?

It’s 6 hours on YouTube. That’s 25% of my day. If I live for another 10 years, that means I’ll have spent 2.5 of those years on my screen.

Yuck!

But when I hang out with my nephew, my screen time falls to less than 1 hour per day. Turns out that it’s not difficult to cut down on my screen time. I just need to be present and do more activities in the real world.

Visit new places, try new food, talk to real people, etc.

Real activity gives you real memories that stick with you. Meanwhile, you hardly remember the YouTube video that you watched yesterday.

9. Make time to grieve.

This advice might seem counterintuitive in these 15 ways to declutter your mind list.

We want to forget exes, so why should we make time to grieve?

Because you can’t let go of emotions that are bottled up.

It’s like dragging around rotten potatoes in your backpack. Every time you smell something rotten, you spray perfume to diffuse the smell. 

But the rotten potatoes are still there.

The same applies to your sadness. The more you act like you’re okay, the more that sadness sits with you. If you ignore it, those negative emotions will turn into depression.

Decluttering your mind after a separation is a combination of expressing your emotions and filling your mind with something positive.

Hopefully, you will slowly learn that there’s more to life than a broken heart, and you’ll be more likely to let go of your pain so that you can make space for newness.

10. Journal your feelings.

This is another way to declutter your mind.

When you write your feelings, you observe the situation from 10 feet away. This gives you a chance to process your emotions, not be consumed by them.

It’s like having a dialog with yourself.

You can do this digitally with Microsoft Word or go the classic route with ink and paper.

I chose the latter because I’ve always enjoyed writing. Seeing my writing fill the pages is so satisfying. However, feel free to try both to see which one you like more.

Try to journal every day for a month to see how you feel about it. I journal a lot when I feel emotional turbulence. Once I’ve gathered myself again, I journal once a month as part of my routine and anytime I feel called to do so.

For best results, don’t edit yourself when you write. This journal is for your eyes only, so feel pour out all the things that come to your mind.

After doing this for some time, you can take a look at what you wrote the previous month. You might be surprised by what happens when you declutter your life seriously.

11. Challenge your negative thoughts.

When you’re brokenhearted, negative emotions will bombard you.

I’ll never find anyone who loves me again.

If only I’d loved him harder, maybe he’d still be here.

I can’t stop being angry at him for choosing to leave me.

I’m scared I’ll be single forever.

What’s wrong with me that I wasn’t worth staying for?

Do these sound familiar to you?

Rather than pretend these negative thoughts don’t exist or echo nonstop in your head, face them head-on.

Here’s a real-life example.

I’m scared I’ll be single forever.

This was my real fear when I started over at 35. Then, I challenged this scary thought:

Why do I feel this way?

As a woman, I’m scared I might have no other chance to start a family.  

Is this fear based on reality or assumptions?

I think it’s pretty real for me. Almost all of my friends are married and have children. I feel so behind.

Do you think your married friends are living their best lives?

There’s no guarantee. Nobody’s life is perfect. After all, nobody knows what happens behind closed doors. I’m sure they’re also dealing with problems. They just deal with different kinds of problems compared to mine.

Okay, so what are you going to do about it? Do you want to grab any man who makes a move on you?

No, thank you. I’m smarter than that. Marrying the wrong guy could be my biggest mistake in life.

Got it. So, what’s your plan?

Believing that I also deserve to be happy.

I can decide what life I want to live and take steps toward it. My next partner should fit into the life I want to live in the future, not the life I’m struggling with right now.

What if you’re running out of time?

According to my research, women can conceive a baby until they’re 40. My aunt delivered her youngest kid at 42. I have roughly 5-7 years to have a baby. I’ll take proactive steps toward it by dating new people, learning more about navigating relationships, stabilizing my finances, etc.

I’ll do my best and pray for what I want.

Even if I fail, I can still live my best life, feel proud that I’m doing my best, and be grateful for my life.

This sounds much better than grabbing any guy I can get. I might end up spending my life feeling trapped and feeling sorry for myself.

And on and on…

One question leads to another. An internal dialog is a healthier approach than letting your negative thoughts dictate your life.

You can write your internal dialog in your journal. When you do this, you can reread your thoughts, gain some clarity, and make a plan to take action.

However, too much internal dialog leads to overthinking, while taking action without clear direction leads to a life you hate. Finding the sweet spot between action and course correction is the best thing to do.

12. Get clear on what you want in life.

I believe we can achieve anything we want in life. We just need to define what we really want and do the work.

You might not get exactly what you want, and you can change your mind as you move forward, but if you take action, something is guaranteed to happen.

When you declutter your mind after breaking up, you create space for something new. You must get clarity on what you want in your future. Otherwise, your future will be filled with anything you stumble upon during the journey. 

The best way to gain clarity about your future is to create a vision board. You must answer these two questions:

1. What do you want your dream life to look like?

Make a list of what you want your life to look like, and find pictures that represent your future life on Google and Pinterest.

2. How do you want to feel in your dream life?
Choose words that inspire you to keep going. You can create your own words or find quotes that inspire you, then use Canva to make a decent design.

Gather all the pictures and put them on a piece of cardboard or in a photo frame. Then, put your vision board where you will be sure to see it every day.

That’s not all.

Every day, take time to look at your vision board. Close your eyes and visualize yourself putting in the work every day to make your perfect life come true. Imagine how you’ll feel when you’re living your best life.

When you open your eyes, ask yourself, “What baby step can I take today to get closer to my dream life?”

Then, write your to-do list.

This list should align with your long-term vision.

That’s how you build your dream life, brick by brick.

13. Surround yourself with newness.

Why do women love to cut or dye their hair after a breakup?

To freshen up their appearance.

That’s the quickest way to infuse newness into your life.

You can also buy new clothes and change your style, do your makeup differently, or even move to a new place to start fresh.

If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, you probably have a routine that you follow with your partner. If the relationship ends, you must change your routine to remove your ex from your mind.

Besides infusing newness physically, you must do the same mentally. Connect with your inner child and ask, “What should we do to make you happy?”

Your inner child might miss puzzles, coloring books, singing with her comb as a mic, etc. Allow the child in you to take the lead from time to time. When your inner child is happy,  your road to recovery will be easier.

Your ex might have chosen to leave, but your inner child will always be with you. Make sure you have a good relationship with her.

14. Do something kind for others.

This is another counterintuitive piece of advice. If you want something, start to give giving to others.

The late Zig Ziglar said, “You’ll get everything you want if you help others get what they want.”

If you want more money, start giving to charity or even buy a treat for a random dog.

If you want others to care about you, have empathy for others. You can hold the door for people next to you or say “Have a nice day” to your barista.

Even a sincere smile can make someone’s day.

Practice your generosity muscle slowly and responsibly. You don’t want to be taken advantage of or not achieve your financial goals in the name of giving.

Challenge yourself to do one nice thing a day for a month. See how that affects your life and feelings.

15. Fill your day with gratitude and keep a record.

Every day, write 3 things that you are thankful for; for example, enjoying your lunch, meeting a cute dog in the park, and getting a promotion at work. You can do this as part of your morning or evening routine.

Why you should keep a record? So that you have evidence of how many things you can be grateful for in your life

You can keep a gratitude journal or make it fun by writing your daily list on Post-it notes and adding them to a “gratitude box.” Watching the notes pile up fills my soul with how much I have to be grateful for.

Doing this will train your brain to focus on positive things, no matter how awful your day is. This is a powerful way to remove negativity from your mind.

If you’re ready to take gratitude to the next level, you can create a success book. Remember the vision board we made in step 12? Once the things you put on it start coming true, add them to your success book.

You’ll be amazed at how your dream slowly manifests in real life.

How to Reset Your Mind After a Relationship Ends.

How often should you declutter your mind?

As often as you can. Block some time in your calendar to ensure you do some of this advice daily.

By decluttering your mind post-breakup, you brainwash yourself with positivity. This will equip you to navigate the situation and build the best life.

You can start small by picking the easiest thing from this list. After you’ve achieved it, add another thing. Aim for slow growth rather than radical change. This way, you’ll be more likely to succeed.

Expect to fall off the wagon because it happens. Just brush yourself off and get back on track.

Good luck!