11 Coping Mechanism Unhealthy to Avoid After a Breakup
Yeah, I know “Coping Mechanism Unhealthy” as a title is a little wonky. You’ll find these awkward phrases several times, I hope you just enjoy the wonkiness. Everything for SEO, right? But I promise the whole article is worth your time to read.
Going through a breakup is tough, and if you’re anything like me, you’re probably researching everything you can to make sure you’re healing the right way. As someone who’s been through it, I’m sharing the unhealthy coping mechanisms I have learned to avoid.
In this post, you’ll discover coping mechanism unhealthy, unhealthy coping mechanism examples, consequences of unhealthy coping strategies, unhealthy coping mechanisms for trauma, a list of unhealthy coping mechanisms, and how to stop unhealthy coping mechanisms for each example given in this article.
By recognizing these coping mechanisms unhealthy, you’ll be better at picking which bad habits you need to deal with to get your life back on the right track.
This post is all about 10 negative coping skills that you should avoid after a breakup.
What is Unhealthy Coping Mechanism?
The pain of a broken heart can be overwhelming and at that point, all you want is something to get your attention from the pain. That’s what we call a coping mechanism. This is a natural response when dealing with something you don’t like in your life (not only about heartbreak).
Unfortunately, not all coping mechanisms are healthy. Often, we don’t even realize our actions are forms of coping, let alone consider how they might affect us in the long run.
It’s amazing how we can be so ignorant when pain takes over our lives.
Fortunately, this article will tell you about 11 coping mechanisms unhealthy to avoid after a breakup. Check-in with yourself to see if you’re using any of these coping mechanisms.
There is no need to feel shame because let me tell you a secret: I’m still dealing with some of these coping mechanisms unhealthy after being single for 3 years. I’ll let you know which one is my problem at the end of this article.
Now that you understand the definition, let’s dive deep into the list of unhealthy coping mechanisms.
1. Jumping Into a Rebound Relationship
Have you ever heard the saying, “The best way to get over a guy is to find another one”?
Do you agree with it?
I’m a bit torn on this one.
Spending time with new people can indeed help you move on from your ex. It gives you something to look forward to and keeps your mind busy, instead of dwelling on the hope that your ex will come back. But if you don’t face your true feelings, you’ll never begin your healing journey.
Many people jump into a new relationship and find themself stuck in a rebound relationship. Things will be complicated when you realize that your new date really loves you while you’re not sure about how you feel.
Then, the guilt starts creeping in. Soon or later, you must come clean and deal with the real situation and someone might get hurt.
Save yourself some trouble down the road—take the time to process the breakup, rediscover yourself, and only start dating again when you’re clear about what you want in your next relationship.
2. Excessive Drinking or Substance Use
Broken heart is suck and sometimes we do everything to distract ourselves from the pain. In a rebound relationship, we often distract ourselves with people. This time, however, we turn to different distractions like alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, sex, or even overworking ourselves.
The easiest way to notice if something becomes your unhealthy coping mechanism is when it’s getting too much. You should notice people around you stop complaining about one thing again and again.
If you’re the type of person who’s stubborn like me, making a change just because someone else says you should isn’t your thing. So, it’s important to pay attention to the balance in your life. If something feels off, it’s a sign that you need to address it.
Even a good thing like going to the gym can be harmful to your body if you’re doing it too much.
3. Stalking Your Ex Online
And we all do it to some extent.
In today’s world, who doesn’t stalk someone who catches their attention? From celebrities and YouTubers to Hannah from high school and, of course, your ex.
What may start as something innocent, like “I just want to make sure he’s okay,” can quickly spiral into full-blown jealousy, with thoughts like, “Who’s the girl he’s hugging in his latest update?”
But all of this ends the same way: it’s a waste of your time and energy.
First and foremost, you’re not your ex’s mother, so you don’t need to “check on him.” He’s an adult and can take care of himself. Instead of focusing on him, try looking inward and checking in on how you’re feeling.
If you feel jealousy creeping in, remind yourself that who your ex spends time with is none of your business. He has every right to live his life with anyone, and guess what? You have the same right too!
Ignoring your ex can be tough, especially right after a breakup. Muting or blocking them online can help a lot during this time. Later, once you’ve healed and feel like yourself again, you can consider reconnecting.
But a piece of advice: Why bother with someone who let you go through this?
Pretend they die and move on with your life. It’s simpler and more efficient.
4. Seeking Revenge
In a relationship, you invest a lot of resources to make it work—time and energy, which are irreplaceable, along with emotions that can leave lasting scars, and your hard-earned money. So, when everything falls apart, it’s common to feel like you’ve been taken advantage of after all that investment. You might think, “They have to pay for this!”
This is where the sense of revenge comes from.
People take different routes to “get back at” their ex. Some badmouth them to anyone who will listen, share posts or memes that hint at their feelings (yep, that’s me!), have romance flirts to make their ex jealous, or even go to extremes like damaging their ex’s car or career.
The sky’s the limit when it comes to making your ex regret what they’ve done to you.
But after three broken hearts from long-term relationships, let me tell you this: the best revenge is growing stronger and living your best life—without your partner.
It’s like sending a message: “You’re not that important to me. Sorry, not sorry.”
5. Overeating or Undereating
Some people turn to unhealthy eating as a coping mechanism for dealing with negative emotions. I know someone who, after their divorce, began binge eating uncontrollably in the middle of the night, gained dozens of kilos, and faced numerous health problems as a result.
She knows she shouldn’t, but lying awake at night imagining her ex with someone else makes her feel awful. To distract herself, she gets up and eats to stay busy.
On the other hand, some people use hunger to distract themselves from the pain of a broken heart. It often starts with, “I’m just not hungry,” but if it goes on too long, it can lead to malnutrition and other serious health issues.
No matter what side you’re on, remember that your body needs nutritious meals to function properly. Eating isn’t a hobby you can skip when you don’t feel like it—it’s essential. If you lose your appetite, push yourself to eat, just like you sometimes have to drag yourself to the gym.
6. Isolating Yourself
After a breakup, it’s natural to want to stay home, hide under a blanket, and cry it out. And that’s okay—you need time to process your emotions. But if it drags on and you can’t even remember the last time you talked to another human being, it’s a sign things are becoming unhealthy.
One practical rule during this low season of life is to challenge yourself to leave the house at least once a week. You could visit a coffee shop and simply watch people go about their lives. Or, you could push yourself to check in with family and friends by sending a quick text like, “How are you doing?”
As you feel stronger, gradually increase to twice a week. Keep increasing until you’re back to living your normal life again. This simple challenge ensures you don’t completely shut out your friends, family, or the world.
7. Dwelling on the Past
What kind of movie do you like to watch right after a breakup?
A movie titled “What If” explores how life could change if we had made different choices.
Yup, we’ve all been there—wasting time replaying conversations with an ex, wondering if you should’ve tried harder, or even thinking you should’ve dimmed your light to make things work.
The problem with being addicted to the “What If” movie in your mind is that it keeps you stuck in the past—something you can’t change. It’s okay to mourn the relationship, but don’t forget to shift your focus to the future.
At first, you might spend 75% of your time feeling sorry for yourself and only 25% wondering if your future is even worth it (a bit dramatic, but it happens to some of us). Slowly, shift your focus and start spending more time thinking about the future you deserve.
Create a vision board and revisit it daily to stay inspired.
Journal your progress every day to celebrate even the tiniest wins.
Spend a little extra time on your positive affirmations today.
Visualize how you’re putting in the work every day, inching closer to the dream life you’re creating.
The more you surround yourself with an exciting future, the less you’ll care about dwelling on the past, wishing things were different.
Remember, change is happening in the future, not the past.
8. Serial Partying or Hookups
In a rebound relationship, you distract yourself from the sadness by getting involved with one person. But in this coping mechanism unhealthy, you’re juggling multiple relationships, often engaging in brief hookups with each just to keep yourself busy and avoid facing your emotions.
Serial partying may give you a false sense of winning, like pretending to be the life of the party with no time to cry over your ex. But deep down, you’re still lonely and unsure of how to move forward.
The longer you engage in these distractions, the more you delay your healing.
It’s okay to go to a club or bar sometimes to have fun, but don’t forget you also owe yourself time to ugly cry and feel sorry for yourself. It doesn’t make you a loser; facing your emotions takes real courage.
9. Numbing Your Feelings
The other extreme of distracting yourself is numbing your feelings. This is especially common for introverts, like me, who prefer spending time alone and pretending nothing bad happens.
We stay in our bubble, keeping busy with everything except facing our emotions. The problem is that suppressing them doesn’t make them disappear. Sooner or later, they resurface, often in the worst way, and the people around you become victims of your emotional outbursts.
Rather than letting your emotions spiral out of control, it’s better to make time to face them. Treat it like an appointment—block time to sit in silence, without scrolling mindlessly, and allow your emotions to surface.
You can talk to yourself, journal your thoughts, or confide in someone you trust.
And yes, allow yourself to cry.
You’ll feel lighter every time you release those emotions. The deeper the pain, the more intense the cry session you may need. But when you’re done, you’ll feel stronger than ever.
10. Blaming Yourself for Everything
When you’re in emotional chaos, it’s easy to blame yourself for everything. It gives you a sense of control over the situation and protects your ex from being seen in a negative light—even if they were at fault. It’s incredible how our minds can play tricks on us, isn’t it?
Another thing that might happen is playing the victim. This sounds similar to blaming yourself but comes from different emotional places.
When you blame yourself, you take all the responsibility for the breakup, feeling as though it was entirely your fault, even if that’s not true. It often comes from a place of guilt or self-criticism.
On the other hand, playing the victim involves shifting all the blame onto the other person, seeing yourself as the wronged party who had no control over what happened. By doing this, you let go of yourself from taking responsibility for what happened.
However, the best way to handle this situation is by taking radical responsibility for what happened.
Taking radical responsibility means stepping back to see the bigger picture. Instead of “blaming yourself,” or “blaming others,” ask yourself, “What part did I play in this? How can I do better next time?”
This question encourages a positive outlook on the situation, helping you focus on how to improve things in the future rather than dragging your self-esteem down.
11. Refusing to Seek Help
This includes seeking help from family, friends, or a professional.
Many of us grow up with the belief that we should handle everything on our own. While independence is important, it doesn’t mean you can’t ask for help when needed.
You might think asking for help makes you look weak, but in reality, it takes strength to admit you need support.
The people who truly care about you will be there, while those who mock you reveal their true colors during your tough times.
That’s actually a good thing, as it helps you know how to handle them when things get better.
But how can you learn to ask for help?
Just like everything in life, start small.
Confessing is the first step toward healing. Express your feelings and admit that you have a problem. You don’t need to share it with the world—simply acknowledging it to yourself can be incredibly beneficial for making progress.
Ask yourself, “What do I need right now?”
Whatever comes to mind, allow yourself to have it.
Whether it’s reaching out to family, asking your best friend to stay in your place so you have someone to talk to, or seeing a therapist to help unpack your emotions.
Most of the time, we already know what we need to make things better, but for some reason, we don’t give it to ourselves. Let this article serve as permission for you to start prioritizing your needs and giving yourself the care and attention you deserve.
Consequences of Unhealthy Coping Strategies
Did you use one or more of these coping mechanisms unhealthy from the list?
Don’t be ashamed to admit it because everyone does it.
To make you feel better, let me share some of my own coping mechanisms unhealthy.
I’m still trying to completely stop smoking.
The “seeking revenge” part is something I struggle with. While I’m focusing on rebuilding my life, I sometimes wonder: when I finally live my best life, will I want to get revenge on the three exes who hurt me?
I’m still stuck in the past, especially when I’m about to sleep at night. Sometimes, I cry remembering what happened, and I cope by playing my positive affirmation audio all night.
I hope my confession helps you feel better about yourself. We are all on our own path toward a better life, and I wish you the best as you continue on yours!
