Are you looking to heal your broken heart and rebuild your life?
You might find tips on healing a broken heart like finding a new hobby, spending more time solo or with family and friends, taking a trip, journaling, talking to a therapist, and scream-singing to some heartbreak song.
But if you want this heartbreak to help you grow, you must read books to gain a new perspective on your life.
In this article, I share 10 empowering books I read when I was brokenhearted in my mid-30s. Each book offered personal insights and practical advice, helping me navigate relationships, set new standards, and stay on track toward a happier, more fulfilling life.
It can take a while to get over someone, so take all the time you need to focus on self-improvement and find your inner strength.
Books to help you find your purpose
One thing that helps you recover from a broken heart is understanding that your life isn’t over. The two books below helped me understand my life purpose and bounce back from my lowest point.
1. Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck
I could talk about this book until my face turned blue. Reading this book changed my life and helped me understand myself better. Let’s discuss what this book is all about.
Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck is a self-help book aimed at helping you find your true path in life. You’ll be introduced to two selves: the essential self and the social self.
The essential self is the real and authentic you. Your essential self knows your intrinsic desires and passions without outside influence. I see it as my inner child. Who would you be if there were no rules in the world? What would you do with your life? That’s your essential self.
The social self is the part of you that is shaped by external influences, societal expectations, and obligations. The three Ps that shape your social self are peer, parent, and professor.
If you want to find your North Star, you must align your life more closely with your essential self. In simple words, listen to your heart. If you listen too much to your social self and abandon your inner voice, you won’t be happy even if you seem to have everything in life.
This book inspired me to pursue my passion as a writer. My social self combined everything I’d learned in my life with what my inner child wanted without abandoning my adult responsibilities.
Long story short, I became a freelance writer to pay my bills while I built my blog. My experience as a stockbroker wasn’t in vain, though, as I can manage my investment portfolio, which gives me a big boost of income every quarter.
Because of this, I didn’t pursue a career in the stock market, though I have a master’s degree in economics. I said no to two job offers while I tried to get my freelance writing business off the ground.
This was such a crazy decision; if I hadn’t read this book, I don’t think I would have been brave enough to make it.
My life has never been better. I feel happier and fulfilled, and I hit my highest monthly income record last year. I know things will only get better in the future.
So, if you’re brokenhearted, give this book a read. It’s worth your time, as it will guide you in redefining your life. Once you see the possibilities, you’ll no longer find yourself crying over your ex!
2. The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks
Recovering from a broken heart isn’t about crying all night, brushing it off, and dating another guy. If you want to live a better life, you must set new standards in every respect: health, career, finance, relationships, etc.
That new standard requires a new you, which is where the book The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks will come in handy. This book can help you break through personal barriers to achieve greater success and happiness.
Most of the time, what deters us from living our best life isn’t a lack of knowledge, but, instead, a mindset block that prevents us from acting on what we know.
One important thing I learned is how to determine my Zone of Genius. In this book, Hendricks explains that we all have zones:
- Zone of Incompetence: Things you’re not good at and should avoid.
- Zone of Competence: Things you’re good at but that others can do equally well or better.
- Zone of Excellence: Things you’re good at because you work hard, but these don’t give you deep life satisfaction.
- Zone of Genius: Things that only you can do the best. Usually, they have come easily to you since childhood.
Learning about these zones answered the question of why I had a good career as a stockbroker but wasn’t excited about the possibility of climbing the corporate ladder.
I realized that my Zone of Genius is my empathy and I use my Zone of Excellence to enhance my Zone of Genius.
That’s why I chose to become a writer; I’m good at storytelling and can sprinkle empathy throughout my writing. Meanwhile, my business brain challenges me to make good money from my writing.
While you’re recovering from brokenheartedness, read this book. You might gain a new lens through which to look at your life and discover which areas need adjustment.
When you finally start dating again, you’ll meet new people with higher standards, thereby increasing your chance of finding a happy and healthy relationship.
Books to help you stay on track
Once you discover what you want to do in your new life, you will have to put in a lot of effort before you see changes. These five books will help you stay on track.
3. Atomic Habits by James Clear
“Those little things will add up.”
That’s the one-line summary for Atomic Habits by James Clear.
If you pick the right things to do, those little things will add up and produce remarkable results. James presents several examples in his book. By consistently taking baby steps to build good habits, you can discard goal-setting or New Year’s resolutions.
I’m living proof of this concept.
I read this book during the pandemic in 2020. Following the concept of this book, I build good habits slowly from walking in the park for 20 minutes to reading books to launching my writing career.
Unfortunately, though, months will pass until you start to see a tiny difference.
After six months of walking in the park twice a week, I noticed that I looked better in my clothes. Because I saw the results of my habit, I kept going without thinking about it.
That was a sign to adopt new habits. I chose: reading.
I started small by setting my alarm for 15 minutes to read every morning. After a month, I sensed that I had a lot of new ideas. This reading thing was kind of magical. So I started reading for one hour and never stopped.
Three things I learned from this book are: 1) You pick the habits you want to adopt. 2) Start small to build momentum. 3) Adopt a new habit only after you’ve mastered the previous one.
If you integrate this concept into your life, look back at the old you from six months or a year ago. You might see the significant strides you’ve taken toward your goals.
4. The Alter Ego Effect by Todd Herman
Do you know Sasha Fierce?
I bet you don’t. But I’m sure you know Beyoncé.
Sasha Fierce is Beyoncé’s on-stage alter ego. Sasha is fearless, assertive, and confident during performances.
The Alter Ego Effect by Todd Herman teaches readers how to unlock their potential and achieve extraordinary results. In this book, you’ll discover that many artists, athletes, and business people use this concept to give the best performances of their professional lives.
It’s like when we were children—we wore a blanket while running around the house and thought we were Superman. Now, it’s time to play this game as adults. This is such a gamified and fun concept that boosts confidence.
Everyone can use this concept. For example, if you’re a student and feel smarter while wearing glasses, then wear them at school to boost your confidence.
You can also borrow someone else’s confidence to boost yours. When I delivered a speech in high school, I pretended to be an Asian-nerd version of J. Lo. I still use this trick every time I feel nervous about speaking in public.
5. Good to Great by Jim Collins
Good to Great by Jim Collins offers a framework for understanding how companies can achieve sustainable greatness by focusing on leadership, disciplined thought, and action, confronting reality, and leveraging their unique strengths.
Yes, this is a business book, but I learned that the concept can also apply to one’s personal life.
You are your biggest asset, so treat yourself as an entity that needs the best support to grow and achieve long-term success.
This book is based on a five-year study analysis conducted by Collins and his research team. He studied 1,435 companies, then narrowed them down to 11 that made the leap from good to great and sustained that greatness for at least 15 years.
Collins’s dedication to writing this book surely deserves a few hours of your life spent reading it.
You will learn several concepts, like Level 5 Leadership, in which a leader focuses on the success of the company rather than personal recognition. In your personal life, you must learn to keep your eyes on your long-term goal rather than looking for quick fixes.
One concept from this book that has stuck with me is the “confront the brutal facts.” This is similar to the idea of radical self-acceptance in personal development.
To become great, we must be ok with being called out and seeing things with 100% honesty. Everything that happens in our lives is our responsibility. There is no playing the victim, no blaming others. The best part is, that we all have the power to change the current situation to one that we want.
6. Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman
This book is about time management. You’ll learn that, on average, humans live approximately 4,000 weeks. That’s the age 0 to 80 — if we’re lucky enough to live that long.
Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman teaches you to focus on what truly matters. We have limited time for ourselves and with the people we love. Once it’s done, it’s done.
When I read this book, I was 35, approaching my 2,000-week lifespan. Assuming I live until 80, I’m almost halfway through my time on this earth.
This epiphany lit a fire under my butt!
I have no time to waste. I want to live my best life and smile when my time is up knowing that I made the most out of it.
There’s no room for “we’ll see what happens.”
It’s time for ”let’s make things happen.”
If my man decides to leave, then so be it! His time in my life is over, but I still have the rest of my time to do whatever I want to do.
7. The Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware
I took care of my granny until her last day on earth. While people in their 20s spend their time traveling the world, I spent most of my 20s hanging out with my granny and listening to her story.
By the time she died, I knew she had a lot of regrets in her life. I also knew she wanted me to live a beautiful life.
Then, I learned about Bronnie Ware’s book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
This book is a memoir that shares insights Ware gained while working as a palliative care nurse. Through her conversations with patients in their final weeks of life, she identified common regrets they expressed.
Ware’s story is like “My Granny and Me” on steroids.
The five regrets of the dying are:
- I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
- I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
- I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
- I wish I’d stayed in touch with my friends.
- I wish I’d let myself be happier.
This book gives me the courage to pursue anything I have in mind.
If you love someone, tell that person you love him/her.
If you have a business idea, give it a shot. The worst thing that can happen is you fail. Then, you can move on.
If you want to write a book, write your book. The worst thing that can happen is nobody reads your book but your mom.
Combined with the epiphany that we have only 4,000 weeks on average, this insight was enough to defeat my tendency to overthink.
We have one short life. Let’s make it count!
Books to help you learn about the relationship
You’re healing and rebuilding your life after a breakup. Sooner or later, you’ll get into a new relationship. This time, you want it to be healthy and happy. To do that, you must learn new ways of handling the complexities of human connections. The three books below will teach you exactly that.
8. The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Everyone must read this book if they want to have a better life. Simply put, the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman will teach you how to appreciate others in the way they love.
Chapman identifies five primary ways people express and experience love:
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch.
Everyone has their primary love language.
For example, my top three love languages are Act of Service, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. That explains why I don’t really care about receiving gifts and sweet words. However, when someone isn’t available when I need them, I feel deeply hurt.
You can use this love language theory to build better relationships with family, friends, and co-workers. When you can make people feel seen, it’s easier to communicate what you need from them.
And if you get what you need, life will become better than ever!
9. How to Not Die Alone by Logan Ury
After reading this book, I felt like Ury was my relationship coach. I had so many questions about relationships: How do I know if he’s the one? What are the key qualities that make a relationship successful? Why are men annoying? You’ll find the answers in How to Not Die Alone.
Ury is a dating coach and behavioral scientist. She provides actionable advice, the science behind that advice, and insights to help you identify and change unhelpful patterns in your dating life.
You must read her book and complete her quiz to find your dating tendencies. Are you a romanticizer, a maximizer, or a hesitator? She offers strategies to address these tendencies.
Some practical advice I took from her book is:
- I made a second date mandatory unless the guy isn’t interested.
- I know how to set the standards that I’m looking for in a man based on my previous dating experiences.
- I actively push myself to talk to new people from dating apps, dating agencies, or other ways I can think of.
You might get different insights depending on your personality. That’s why this book can be your bible in finding a fulfilling and lasting relationship.
10. Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey
Of all the books on this list, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey is the easiest to digest. In this book, Uncle Steve gives you tips and tricks on how to deal with a man and avoid being taken advantage of.
This book doesn’t offer deep philosophy and is super straightforward. You’ll learn that:
- When a man loves you, he will give you protection, provision, and profess.
- In a relationship, every man needs support, loyalty, and intimacy.
- The 90-Day Rule: Women should wait 90 days before becoming intimate with a new partner to make sure they love you for who you are.
Uncle Steve advices you to have self-respect and empowerment in relationships. If a man doesn’t want to play by your rules, he can leave. This book is simple yet gives women the strength to go after what they want in a relationship.
In a relationship, you are the prize, woman! So act accordingly!
Closing Thoughts
There you have it!
Some of the books I read that helped me recover from a broken heart.
Pick up these books and let them be your companions on your healing journey. Take all the time you need to heal, improve yourself, and discover the possibilities ahead.
Once you’ve healed, you’ll realize your life story is a book in itself—and you’re the author.
Your next chapter is waiting to be written.
Good luck!
