Why Your Partner Cheats: 10 Common Reasons You Must Know
If you’re reading this article, you must have been cheated on.
You might ask yourself, “What did I do wrong? Why did he do this to me?”
Or you don’t know if you can trust a man again.
When you finally date someone new, you keep your eyes on him like a hawk. You check his phone, ask about every woman who chats with him, and get into a fight when he looks at an attractive woman in the mall.
That’s not the best way to live your life.
If you want to have a happy relationship, you should understand the source of your problem. This article will tell you 10 reasons why your partner cheats.
This blog post can help you audit your relationship and deal with problems before they escalate.
Let’s dive in!
1. Does He Feel Unseen in the Relationship?
When you’re in a committed relationship, your “I” blurs into “we.”
Consider your partner’s perspective in any decision you make. This includes your career, your holiday destination, how you spend your money, and what you eat for dinner. It doesn’t mean you don’t have personal rights; it’s just that everything needs to be discussed as a couple.
If you always do what you want, your partner might feel unseen or unimportant.
Fortunately, it’s not difficult to respect your partner. Most of the time, the small, daily things make a difference. When you unwind at night, ask about your partner’s day rather than complaining about how awful your day was.
If your partner doesn’t seem like himself, ask him what’s wrong. Is there anything you can do to make him feel better?
If you’re not sure where to start, ask your partner, “We’ve been together for some time. How do you feel about our relationship? How can we make it better?”
This might lead to a difficult but necessary conversation. Your partner will have space to speak his mind. Then, both of you can work to improve your relationship.
If you always talk about yourself or assume everything is okay simply because you and your partner don’t fight, the result can be a disconnect that grows over time. It often drives one-half of the couple to seek attention or validation outside the relationship — sometimes sometimes leading to infidelity.
It’s better to work on your relationship now to prevent problems later.
2. Do You Enjoy Your Conversation?
When was the last time you laughed with your partner?
Do you have a new inside joke?
Are you excited to sit with your partner and chat for hours about everything?
If you can’t answer those three questions, you might have homework to do in your relationship. Communication is the backbone of a relationship, and conversation is a big part of it.
If you allow this situation to go on for too long, your partner might prefer talking to someone else. This can lead to emotional cheating and escalate to something worse.
When conversations with your partner become dull, here are five tips to spice things up:
- Do new things together so you have a new topic to discuss. You can try new food, visit new travel destinations, watch movies, etc.
- Move beyond surface-level chit-chat by talking about the future. For example: “What does your dream life look like?” or “Where do you see your life in five years?”
- Talk about childhood memories. This can be fun and sometimes sad. It’s an opportunity to connect with your partner on a deeper level.
- Practice active listening and asking follow-up questions when your partner shares about his world. Your partner will have space to show off his expertise and speak his mind.
3. Is Something Triggering His Low Self-Esteem?
Both men and women encounter sensitive topics that trigger self-esteem issues. Generally, men are insecure about how much money they make, and women are insecure about their age and appearance.
You can use this as guidance in navigating your relationship.
For example, if you get a promotion at work, say something like, “Now, we can afford to buy a bigger house.” The word “we” reflects the fact that your partner is part of your success.
If you say, “Now, I can afford to buy a bigger house,” it sounds like you do everything by yourself. That might be okay once in a while, but if you always do it, your partner might feel belittled.
He might cheat just to prove his existence. This isn’t the best move, but it happens.
However, this can also depend on your partner’s characteristics. Some people, despite your efforts, struggle with insecurity and try to bring others down to feel safe instead of addressing their issues.
That’s toxic!
If you have already done your best but your partner seems triggered by every good thing that happens in your life, it might be time to find a new partner. Otherwise, neither of you will feel happy in the relationship.
4. Does He Get Tempted and Find Opportunities to Cheat?
Where there’s a will, there’s a way.
Unfortunately, this applies when someone has ill intentions. No matter what you do, your partner will find an opportunity to cheat.
When he’s on a business trip, he finds someone to sleep with.
Staying late at the office can be a cover for meeting someone outside of regular working hours or engaging in secretive communications.
Plus, there are social media and dating apps. Your partner can talk with any sexy woman he sees there. And have you heard about Ashley Madison? It’s a dating app that caters to cheaters!
The question is: How do you want to drive your relationship?
Do you want to spy on each other?
Or do you choose to trust each other while being honest no matter what?
If you are committed and doing your best to work on the relationship, but your partner is still cheating on you, let him go. You deserve to be treated with respect. Sooner or later, he’ll realize that he lost something valuable in his life.
5. When Was the Last Time You Asked If You Were Both Happy?
Sometimes, we assume happiness is the default in a relationship. Sadly, there’s no correlation between happiness and being in a relationship.
Don’t believe me? Look around. I’m sure you can find friends and family members who have stayed in a relationship for a long time even though they’re not happy.
Happiness in a relationship comes from the effort of both partners. To understand what needs attention, simply ask, “Are you happy in this relationship?”
Check on each other’s feelings from time to time. Maybe you can go on a staycation and have a relationship audit to see where you’re at.
This checking can lead to difficult conversations. That’s the main reason why most people avoid it.
If you can have difficult conversations with your partner without drama or yelling, you’ll have a relationship that others will envy.
When both partners focus on making each other happy, there’s less of a chance of infidelity. You’re too busy enjoying each other’s company to seek happiness elsewhere.
6. Are You and Your Partner on the Same Page About Your Relationship Goals?
This sounds obvious, but you’d be surprised at how often people overlook it. The fact that you’ve been dating someone for a while doesn’t mean you’re in a relationship.
Did you ask your partner if both of you are dating exclusively?
Do you and your partner have the same expectations about the relationship?
Do you talk about marriage? Kids?
Many people avoid this conversation because they worry it will scare away their partner. Of course, you should ask about these kinds of things on the first date. However, if you have dated the person for some time, you need to make sure you’re on the same page.
Here are some questions to ask:
- What are your thoughts on marriage and having children in the future?
- How important is financial stability and planning in a relationship?
- How do you define cheating in a relationship?
- How do you expect your partner to act toward other women? Are you okay with your partner having a close female friend?
- How important is privacy for you? Are you okay if your partner checks on your phone? Do we share each other’s passwords?
Each question is pretty scary, isn’t it?
Take it easy when you’re asking them. Don’t ask them in one go, as this will seem like a hearing in a courtroom. Ask one question at a time, and sprinkle it among fun things you do while dating.
7. Does He Need an Adrenaline Rush?
In a long-term relationship, many things become routine. You wake up, have breakfast, commute to the office, get home, have a good night’s kiss, and sleep. Tomorrow, you start all over again.
In a nutshell, it’s boring.
Unless you put effort into making it fun.
Be a playful partner. Laugh hard, tell jokes, wear red lingerie, and don’t worry too much about your stretch marks. (Once you kiss your partner, he won’t have time to pay attention to them anyway.)
Don’t take life too seriously.
By having fun in the relationship, you become the adrenaline rush he needs to feel alive and excited. Life is challenging enough: bills, annoying bosses, performance targets, etc. Don’t let your relationship become another chore.
If you don’t make an effort to have fun together, your partner might seek it outside the relationship. While having fun with friends is fine, finding it in the company of another woman could spell trouble.
There’s one thing that really threatens the “fun” vibe of a relationship: talking about money all the time. Sure, money is important, but, letting it take over your relationship can lead to its downfall. Your partner will feel that you’re treating him like an ATM.
Another thing to focus on is kids. Talking about kids all the time also kills the romance. Yes, you’re parents, but you’re also a couple. Be sure to have “coupling time” and not just “parenting time.”
The fine line is when something (money, kids, career, etc) becomes the only topic of conversation in your relationship. It can undermine other aspects of it.
To have a happy relationship, make sure to focus on all the areas of your life.
8. Are You Growing Together as a Couple?
Sometimes, infidelity starts when your partner can’t talk about anything to you. Don’t let this become your story. If you want to keep your guy, read books, educate yourself, and build something under your name.
Be creative.
Even if you decide to be a stay-at-home mom, that doesn’t mean your life is over. There’s more in life than kids, chores, outfits, makeup, and skin care. You also need “brain care.”
A woman who keeps growing will have an attractive personality that holds a guy’s attention. While many women are beautiful, those with a kind heart and a sharp mind are rare.
If you grow together as a couple, you can keep up with what’s going on in your partner’s world. When he needs someone to talk to, you’ll be at the top of his list because you get it.
9. Peer Pressure: Are His Friends Cheating?
Jim Rohn said we’re the average of the five people we spend the most time with.
I agree with this because I notice a significant difference when I consciously choose who I interact with the most. If I surround myself with people who have a positive vibe, I tend to have good days.
When you date someone new, pay attention to his peer group. See if you are comfortable with his crew. If your partner’s friends are cheater jerks, he might follow suit. Otherwise, they wouldn’t feel comfortable hanging out together.
Another important factor to consider is his work environment. We spend at least eight hours a day, five days a week, with our co-workers. That’s a substantial amount of time and influence.
You can have open conversations with your partner if you don’t like his working environment. Discuss how both of you can navigate the situation and make you feel safe in the relationship.
At the end of the day, you can’t change someone unless they want to change. No matter the situation, if your partner decides to cheat, he’ll find a way to do so.
Instead of stressing over his social circle, focus on choosing a man with good character. This will save you a lot of heartache and ensure a more stable and fulfilling relationship.
10. Does He Have Unresolved Issues?
The reason why someone might cheat can often be linked to unresolved issues from their past. It usually boils down to trauma from past relationships or childhood.
That’s why people who’ve been through severe breaks need time to recover. If they don’t do the healing work, the shadow of past relationships will follow them to the present day.
For example, if your partner compares you to his ex, you should reconsider your commitment to the relationship. Your partner needs to resolve his issues before you can have a truly happy relationship.
Another possibility is the way your partner was brought up. Family dynamics play a big role in shaping your partner’s perspective on the relationship.
Did his father cheat? Or his mother?
Through a deep conversation with your partner, you will get a glimpse of his past. However, the fact that one of his parents was unfaithful doesn’t mean he’s a cheater. What matters is what your partner has learned from his experiences.
What Now? Choose What Is Best for Your Happiness.
Infidelity is always a hot topic in relationships. We tend to worry that beautiful women are the ones who threaten our relationships, but the fact is, it goes deeper than that.
Understanding the reason is the first step, but what is most important is deciding what you’re going to do after infidelity.
Some people choose to give the relationship another shot. In that case, rebuilding trust will be your priority.
Others choose to start fresh to find new happiness. In that case, you should heal your pain before getting back into the dating game.
Follow your heart. It knows what is best for your happiness. Best of luck!
