After a Breakup: 30 Tips for Coping with a Broken Heart

When I was 35, I experienced what I would call a monumental breakup.

Back then, the process of coping with a broken heart wasn’t easy.

I wondered if I’d made the right call by asking for a breakup.

I was scared that I wouldn’t have enough time to get another guy, get married, and have a child. My biological clock was ticking.

Maybe I was aiming too high. Maybe I should try to fit in, no matter what my heart said.

Long story short, two years after the breakup, I’ve never felt better. I’ve finally found my life purpose, made peace with my childhood trauma, started a new career, and never looked back.

In this article, I share 30 tips for coping with a broken heart. These are things I did to recover and find myself.

I hope this list will help you self-soothe and manage your negative emotions.

Let’s dig in!

1. Allow Yourself to Cry.

The worst thing you can do when you’re brokenhearted is pretend to be okay.

Because you’re not.

If you don’t cry over your ex after a breakup, maybe you didn’t love him in the first place.

I once treated myself to a nice dinner to celebrate the end of a relationship. I felt so relieved after saying “We’re done” to my boyfriend. Honestly, I didn’t really like him, and the breakup felt like a path to freedom.

Crying is an effective way to cope with a broken heart. If you have trouble expressing your sadness, you can watch sad movies or listen to sad songs to trigger your emotions.

Eating chocolate ice cream can also make things better.

2. Reach Out to Your Support Squad.

Asking for support isn’t easy. You don’t want to look weak. You want to handle this on your own. But playing a superhero isn’t the best way to heal your broken heart.

Getting things off your chest is an effective way to process your pain. Have a sleepover at your friends’ place or go on a staycation. You want a place that gives you privacy—somewhere you can cry, shout, and rent over everything.

Or you can have a long video call where your friend lets you do the talking.

However, one thing you should avoid is oversharing your feelings on social media. Nothing good comes from social media attention. People might empathize, but it’s empty words from a stranger who barely knows you.

3. Ask Better Questions.

When your heart is scattered, the first question you ask is, “Why is this happening to me?”

This question usually leads to an answer in which you talk down on yourself. Or you blame the situation which doesn’t help you with anything.

To enhance your coping mechanism, you should ask better questions. Ask something that challenges you to see the situation from a different angle.

Here is a list of questions you can ask yourself:

• What can I learn from this relationship?
• Did I see any red flags at the beginning of the relationship? Why did I ignore them?
• What positive changes can I make in my life now that I’m single?
• What did I really lose from this relationship? How can I make my life better?
• If I date someone new in the future, what qualities do I want him to have?

4. Write It Out.

You’ve cried.

You’ve spent hours sharing your sad love stories with friends or family members.

But that’s not all. You can also write your feelings. Remember the day you found your crush dating someone else in high school and you wrote a whole novel in your diary about it?

The “dear diary” thing isn’t for teenagers only. It’s a scientifically proven way to process your emotions. Some people even publish books in their journals. This helps others who are going through the same thing.

5. Move Your Body.

Your motion affects your emotions. The quickest way to pick yourself up when you feel down is to go outside, stretch, take a deep breath, and gaze into the blue sky.

You can do weightlifting if that’s your thing, or you can take a walk in the park or with your dog while listening to a podcast.

Or make it fun by dancing to your favorite song. Pretend you’re Taylor Swift and put on a concert for yourself.

If you’re feeling low on energy, just sitting on a bench can be much more uplifting than hiding under your blanket.

Do this religiously every day for at least 20 minutes daily. After a week, you’ll feel better about your life.

6. Declutter: Make Space for Your New Life.

On your good days, declutter your space: physically and digitally.

Throw away your cute couple selfies, donate the plushie he gave you on Valentine’s Day, and delete his messages.

And stop wearing his sweaters.

Decluttering takes a lot of mental energy. You’ll feel overwhelmed. You might cry a bit. It’s part of the process. Keep going.

Decluttering can require several rounds. When you feel things are too much, stop. Save it for another day. You can also reach out and ask your squad to help you do this thing.

7. Uplevel Yourself.

Why is up-leveling yourself one of your coping strategies?

To live a better life, you need to change the way you make decisions. If you do things the way you used to, you’ll only end up with another broken heart.

The best way to uplevel yourself is to read self-help books. Personal biographies are also interesting because they teach you how someone built their dream life or handled adversity.

In addition, you can watch educational YouTube videos or take an online course.

How can I lose weight? You need to learn about eating healthy and exercising.

Where can I get hot dates? Reading books about relationships and hanging out with new circles might be a good idea.

What car should I buy? Before you visit the dealer and sign a lease, watch YouTube videos or read books about personal finance to gain new insights. 

8. Set New Life Goals.

Do you know why people tend to get sick and die after retirement?

Because they don’t have goals.

Goals give you a life purpose that makes you strong physically and mentally. Every time you wake up in the morning, you have things to do. This makes life exciting.

If you want to bounce back from a broken heart quickly, set new goals for yourself. This will change your focus from crying over your ex to creating a new life.

The most effective way to set life goals is through a vision board. Say, “My life would be great if I …”

Make a list of your answers. That list is the description of your dream life. Go to Google or Pinterest to find pictures that represent your dream life, and put them all on your vision board.

Look at your vision board every day and ask, “What is the smallest thing I can do today to get closer to my dream life?”

After some time, you’ll see that your life is better than it was when you were with your ex. So, why continue to cry over it?

9. Talk to a Therapist If Necessary.

Sometimes talking to friends and family isn’t enough. They might listen to your stories, support you, and dislike your ex as much as you do, but taking sides won’t serve you well. Unpacking lessons from your broken heart will.

This is where talking to a therapist comes in handy.

A professional isn’t involved emotionally, so their judgment is neutral. Your therapist wants the best for you. They will help you see the good, bad, and worst of yourself so you know where to improve.

10. Reconnect with Yourself.

When you’re in a relationship, you adapt to your partner. Sometimes, you even forget the “real you.”

Now, that you’re single, it’s time to reconnect with yourself.

What do you like to eat?

What do you like to do for fun?

What movies do you want to watch?

Start doing things you like to do, and see how you feel. Compare this to how you feel when you’re in a relationship.

If you realize how much you missed being yourself, maybe you didn’t show up authentically in your relationship. The next time you see someone, show the real you so you don’t need to pretend to be someone else.

11. Go on a Holiday.

A mini getaway is a quick fix for a broken heart. If you can do it without blowing up your bank account, go ahead.

If you’re on a tight budget, be creative. You can go with friends or family and split the cost. Or you can backpack and find travel hacks to save money.

When you’re in a new place and meeting new people, you don’t think too much about your broken heart. It’s a distraction you need for your healing process.

However, traveling doesn’t heal your pain. Once you get back to your real life, your broken heart is waiting for you.

You must do the inner work by facing your emotions head-on. If you just numb yourself by staying busy, your broken heart will worsen and take a toll on your life.

12. Set the Standard for How You Want to be Treated.

Be the first person who treats yourself the way you want to be treated.

Here are some examples.

If you want to be loved, do things that make you feel loved. For me, that means getting a manicure, pedicure, and massage.

If you want to be protected, join a self-defense class.

If you want to be wealthy, work on your finances. Find a better job, start a business, or learn to manage and invest your money.

Behaving this way makes you realize that you are capable of taking care of yourself. Everything that you wished your partner gave to you, you can give to yourself.

Your next partner must add value to your life. Otherwise, stay single. You’re okay with your own company.

13. Find Happiness in Small Things.

Notice small things and how they make you feel.

It can be the smallest thing like enjoying your first sip of coffee. Be thankful that you woke up to have another day.

If you work in a skyscraper, spend some time gazing at the horizon from your desk. You’re lucky to have scenery to watch every day.

Pay attention to the people around you when you commute. Look at their faces. Are they anxious? Are you in a rush? Some people might have tired faces but try to look okay.

The more you pay attention to details, the more you realize that so many things are happening outside your broken heart. 

This won’t erase your pain or make your life perfect. You’re just challenging yourself to see the positive side of any situation and practice empathy for others.

Once it becomes a habit, you’ll focus on the solution, not complain about how bad things are. With this attitude, you’ll heal faster and improve your life.

14. Limit Social Media Time.

Do you remember a time when you felt better after comparing your worst day to other people’s best days?

No? Me neither.

Comparison is the thief of joy. And social media is the comparison rabbit hole.

Now, that you’re less than happy with your life, spending time on social media will only make you feel worse.

Therefore, you must limit your social media time. Live outside your phone. Build real connections. Go out there and talk to a human being.

Do you need to quit social media for good?

That’s your call. If you enjoy social media, use it to entertain yourself, but don’t let algorithms run your life.

I uninstalled Instagram from my phone and didn’t miss it very much. I log in to post only when something interesting happens in my life. I use social media to showcase my online personality and let people know I’m still alive.

15. Have New Experiences.

You won’t move on from your failed relationship if you keep doing what you used to do.

You go to the restaurant where you used to have dates.

You watch his favorite TV series.

You even stalk your ex on social media.

Your ex is in your past. You don’t need to know how he’s doing. His new girl isn’t your business.

He’s not the best thing that happened in your life. Your best moment is waiting for you.

If you want a new life, you must shake up old patterns. Surround yourself with newness: new places, new people, new everything.

This isn’t easy. The brain loves routine and hates figuring out new patterns. That’s why living in a new place, moving to a new city, or even changing jobs is a good idea; it can force you to live a new life.

16. Use Positive Affirmations to Battle Your Negative Thoughts.

After a breakup, you might feel inadequate. You must change this belief as otherwise it will drag you down.

You can use affirmations to help rebuild your self-esteem and shift your perspective about yourself.

Affirmations are saying that you repeat until you believe them. In a way, it’s like brainwashing yourself into believing something.

Let’s put this into action. Here’s your affirmation game plan:

• What is your negative thought? You feel unworthy of love because your partner left you for someone younger.
• What do you want to believe? You’re worthy of love.
• What you must do: Say, “I’m worthy of love,” until you believe it. If that makes you cringe, you should start with something more believable. Change “I’m worthy of love” to something like ”Someone in this world must see me as worthy of love.”
• The best times to say your affirmation are when you wake up and before you go to sleep. At these times, your subconscious mind is ready to listen to everything. It’s even better if you do it while looking into your eyes in the mirror. You can also record your voice and play it softly while you’re sleeping.

After doing this for some time, you will start to believe it’s true. Someone in this world will see you as valuable regardless of your looks and age. You just haven’t met the right person yet.

With this new belief, when someone treats you with disrespect, you’ll stand up for yourself. That’s why affirmations are a powerful way to change your life.

17. Set Boundaries with Your Ex.

When you cut yourself, you shouldn’t touch the wound. Give it time to heal. If you keep poking the wound, it won’t heal. It could even escalate to something worse.

The same logic applies to your broken heart.

Avoid checking on your ex. You don’t even want to hear his name. You must limit or cut off contact with your ex entirely.

You’re doing this not as a test to see if he misses you. You’re doing it to give yourself time to recover.

This doesn’t have to be permanent. Once you heal and move on, you can consider unblocking your ex if you want to.

18. Learn to Be Compassionate with Yourself.

What would you do if your best friend went through a breakup?

You’d listen to her story, let her cry on your shoulder, and ask her to reach out if she needs anything. You want to be there for her during this hard time.

But what do you do if it’s you who’s brokenhearted?

You think twice before reaching out to others. You expect to bounce back right away, brush off your pain, and act like nothing happened.

You might not allow yourself to slow down and process your pain. Instead, you set an impossible goal and bury yourself with an unlimited to-do list.

Let this be a reminder: Be compassionate with yourself.

It’s time to be your own best friend. Give yourself everything you need to get through this difficult time. Treat yourself with respect and love. 

The way you treat yourself will set the standard for how others treat you. This is the secret to having a happy relationship.

19. Do Good Things to Help Others.

If you want to heal from heartbreak, change your focus to others.

Knowing that you’re not the only one who is suffering in this world will make you appreciate what you have in your life. It’s like when you break your arm—it hurts. But when you see someone whose arm was amputated, you feel grateful because you know your arm will heal.

On the practical level, it doesn’t have to be that serious. You can look around and see what people are up to.

Call your parents and see if they need anything. Check on your friends and ask if they want to grab a coffee to catch up. Give extra-big tips to servers as a thank-you for their service.

Doing something nice for others makes you feel valuable. Your kindness will warm your soul.

The fact that your ex doesn’t see that, it’s his problem.

20. Enjoy Your Own Company.

Solitude gives you space to process your emotions without external distractions. You’ve been crying, journaling, and talking to your friend. You’ve heard what others have said about you, your ex, and your life.

Now it’s time to listen to your heart.

What do you say about yourself?

What do you want from life?

What does happiness mean for you?

Solitude helps you reconnect with yourself. Often, we get caught up in seeking answers externally and trying to meet societal standards. We forget what we truly want.

After you redefine your life, set your plan around it. You can change your life for the better and have fun doing it. Being single isn’t a curse. It’s a choice.

When you finally date someone new, this person should elevate your already fulfilling life. This puts you in a strong position in the relationship — much better than chasing someone to feel complete.

21. Practice Gratitude: Gamify It!

When your life sucks, gratitude sounds like the last thing you need. But gratitude trains your brain to focus on the bright side. It’s easier to elevate your life if you have a positive outlook. 

As with everything in life, you can train your “grateful muscle” by practicing it. Gamifying things is my favorite way to do this.

For example, if you can mention five good things that happened to you today and do this for one month straight, you’ll get ice cream.

Anything can go on your grateful list — your puppy, having your favorite food for dinner, or a promotion at work.

Being grateful for the small things is more important because they happen more often. Those little things that shape your grateful mind open the doors to big things.

22. Laugh Out Loud.

Laughing is one way to bring happiness to your life.

And happy people function better.

Remember when you were a child and you laughed every day? The world was a better place back then. We adults take life too seriously and forget to laugh.

That’s why adults tend to have more stress than children.

When you’re in a good mood, it’s easier to figure things out.

You work better, sleep deeper, and feel more energized.

You’re a better friend, daughter, and partner. It’s nice to have you around because you infuse a positive vibe.

However, don’t overdo it. Laughing won’t solve all your problems. You still need to take things seriously and work hard. 

23. Focus on One Day at a Time

Continuing your life after your partner leaves might seem overwhelming. There are so many adulting things you must consider.

How do you pay your bills?

Can you take care of your kids by yourself?

Do you want to live in your current place or move to a new one?

Even the simple question, “Will I cry myself to sleep again tonight?” can be daunting.

One of the coping skills you must master is taking one day at a time.

If the broken heart is fresh, your main goal is to get through the day.

You’ll have good days and bad days. On the good days, you won’t cry. On the bad days, you might find yourself crying in the office bathroom.

Once you feel stronger, you can set higher standards for your day.

Maybe you want to start moving your body more often.

Or try a pottery class to see what it’s all about.

You’ll figure it out along the way. You got this!

24. Go Outside and Spend Time in Nature.

When you’re coping with a broken heart, it’s easy to snuggle in your bed and cry all day. You’ll focus on your pain and wonder why your partner did this to you.

The easiest way to fix this is to be outside.

Looking at the wide bright blue sky and seeing that people are out there living their lives will make you realize that things are still going on.

You need to return to the real world — and the sooner, the better.

If you have a 9 to 5, this will force you to go outside and focus on something other than your sadness. If you work from home, you should make going outside part of your routine.

Whether it’s walking your dog, jogging, or going out to grab lunch, getting fresh air can distract you from your heartbreak.

25. Revamp Your Space.

How do you feel when clutter surrounds you?

You might feel anxious, depressed, and in a bad mood. Your environment affects your mental health.

Your heart might be in a mess right now, but you’d better set your environment properly to help you recover. Make some changes in your space.

The easiest way to do this is by rearranging your furniture. Browse Pinterest for ideas. You can also repaint walls, change lighting, hang paintings, add plants, etc.

If necessary, move somewhere else. This is an effective way to start a new life.

26. Engage in Creative Outlets.

Do you remember how happy you felt when you colored as a child? It didn’t matter if you colored a cow purple; at the end of the day, you were happy.

Do this as an adult. 

You can buy coloring books for adults on Etsy. This activity will decrease your screen time and make your inner child happy.

If you don’t like coloring, you can try other creative activities, such as painting, playing musical instruments, or working on puzzles.

A creative outlet can heal your soul. It nurtures your empathy, reduces stress, and helps you appreciate the small things around you.

27. Take a Break from Dating.

Being single can be lonely, especially when you’re alone at home after a long day at work.

You have no one to hug in bed. You might miss your partner’s smell on your sheets.

But if you think that starting dating right away will make you feel better, you couldn’t be further from the truth.

Sure, you might find someone interesting and have a good time. But if you’re dating only to mask your pain and avoid feeling lonely, you might choose the wrong person to be your partner.

If you want your next relationship to fulfill you, you must take a break from dating. Take some time to process your emotions, learn the lessons from the previous relationship, and uplevel your standards.

28. Find Someone You Can Look Up To.

Sometimes, when you’re brokenhearted, you feel like the unluckiest person in the world.

You feel like everyone has a man but you. These kinds of thoughts prevent you from healing.

Everyone has their own challenges. The fact that your friend has a partner doesn’t mean her life is perfect. She just has different problems than you do.

Rather than feel pity for yourself, you must shift your focus to a positive one. You’re not the only one dealing with a broken heart. Millions of women have gone through it, and they made their way to the other side.

Find those ladies and make them your inspiration.

You can find them in real life: friends, mutual friends, or family.

Or you can find them online. Read an autobiography to learn how people tackle problems in a way that leads to success.

Or you can find a YouTuber who has gone through the same problem.

Seeing others recover from broken hearts and rebuild their lives will motivate you to keep going.

29. Reflect on Your Growth.

When someone walks away from your life, it’s easy to feel that you’re not good enough.

This perspective can destroy your self-respect. You might end up saying yes to whoever approaches you, as you think you have no other choice.

Rather than lowering your standards, why not gather evidence of how awesome you are?

Look back at your life and see what you’ve accomplished. Write down 100 things you’ve done — things that you’re proud of. Small and big, it doesn’t matter.

You could write that you’re a wonderful cat mama, that you won a drawing competition in kindergarten, that you were promoted to a position as store manager. Don’t overthink it; write anything that comes to your mind.

You’ll realize that you’ve done many things in life. You should be proud of yourself. Your partner doesn’t define your self-worth. Your perspective toward yourself does.

30. Celebrate Your Progress

Coping with a broken heart is a long process.

Some days, you’ll think it’s impossible to move forward. During this downtime, you need something to make you keep going.

Celebrating little wins is your secret weapon.

When you’re on a healing journey, nobody will pat you on the back for your efforts. You’re the one who needs to be that person.

Celebrate when you fall asleep without crying.

Celebrate when you enjoy your weekend without stalking your ex on social media.

Celebrate when you say “NO” when your ex wants to spend the night at your place.

Those small wins matter!

Challenge yourself to celebrate at least one thing every day. Take note of your wins. After a while, you’ll see that you’ve achieved many things.

This journey isn’t in vain.

You’re on the right track to healing.

You’ll get there before you know it!

Wrap-Up: How to Use This List.

There you have it!

Thirty things to do to cope with a broken heart.

This list shouldn’t be a chore. You can pick and choose what you want to focus on this week.

Some things might be more difficult than others. It depends on your personality. 

Take it easy. Remember point #18: Be compassionate with yourself when you’re trying to make progress.

Best of luck!