5 Signs You’re Ready to Start a New Relationship

Are you thinking about jumping into a new relationship after a breakup?

Before you take the plunge, check in with yourself to see if you’re truly ready. Otherwise, you might get trapped in a rebound situation, in which you’re not fully healed from your past and end up projecting those feelings onto your new partner.

In this article, we’ll explore 5 signs that indicate you’re ready to start a new relationship. I took these signs from my own experience of getting through 3 horrible breakups.

Grab your coffee, and get cozy. Let’s dive in.

1. You’re not obsessed with your previous relationship.

When you’re not constantly hung up on your past, it’s a sure sign you’re ready to start a new relationship.

There are no “what-ifs”.

Replaying old memories in your head isn’t your favorite movie anymore.

You’ve stopped stalking your ex’s Instagram as your hobby.

You don’t obsess over what went wrong in the past.

Finally, you find yourself asking, “What was I thinking back then?” and laughing.

The past relationship is still part of your life story. You acknowledge the good times, learn the lessons, and decide it’s time to move on.

You don’t wish things were different. Because things are already different.

Everything becomes clear to you. It’s like taking off blinders and seeing all the new possibilities around you.

2. You enjoy your own company.

At this moment, you’re excited to take a step forward, but you’re not in a hurry.

You pick a new hobby, hang out with different people, read new books, and enjoy your life more than ever.

You might catch yourself feeling lonely from time to time, but you know that’s part of the process of your healing journey.

You have learned new things about how to manage your loneliness, up-level your life standard, and transform yourself into a better person.

When you feel comfortable being by yourself, you realize life will be better if you have someone to share it with.

That’s the sign you’re ready for a new partner!

This time, you want a better partner, as you learned your lesson from a previous relationship.

You want a partner who isn’t just a roommate and who adds happiness to your life.

You don’t want someone to fill a void in your life. Because you don’t have one. Your life is complete. Yet, having an additional special someone would make it better.

The funny thing is, when you’re happy with your life, you will attract someone who is just like you. Imagine two people who are content with their lives and decide to live those lives together. That gives you a good chance of having a healthy and happy relationship.

That’s why it’s worth taking the time to let yourself heal after the breakup. Stay single for a little bit. If you jump right to the next person you can call a partner, you might end up with someone like your previous partner leading to a broken heart.

3. You decide what you want for your life.

You’ve taken the time to slow down and reflect on your breakups. Take mental notes on what you’ll do differently next time.

These notes will give you life goals with which your next relationship should align.

Anyone or anything that doesn’t align with your life goal should be eliminated. This approach avoids wasting time on something that doesn’t move the needle.

For example, after breaking up in my mid-30s, I found myself alone, broke, and feeling dissatisfied with my life. I know I’m smart, pretty, and kind. I deserved something better. It took me a year or so to convince myself of that.

But what did a better life mean for me? Well, I decided I wanted to be a writer, make good money, not have a boss, get married to a man who made me laugh every day, and have twins.

Once I decided what I wanted in life, it was easier to classify which things were for me and which ones I should pass up.

Someone offered me a good job, but I knew that if I spent another 5 years in a day job that didn’t bring me closer to being a writer and building a business around that, it would be a waste of time. I said no.

An online friend said my handphone looked cheap and I should upgrade to a more expensive phone. I didn’t see how buying the most expensive phone would make me achieve my life goal faster. Also, I didn’t need a friend who looked down on me just because I didn’t use the most up-to-date handphone. So, I pushed the block button to make sure only positive people hung out in my circle.

My ex said he missed me, but saying he missed me and still loved me without contributing to my life goal didn’t cut it. Any man who asked for a fling or random encounter was free to leave me alone. I wanted only a long-term relationship that would lead to marriage.

Everything became so clear.

Now it’s your turn. What do you want in life?

Once you can articulate your answer (and if getting a new partner is part of your life goal), the time is right to get back into the dating game.

4. You learn new things that uplevel your standards.

When you start picking up on new things that make you raise your standards, that’s a sign to gear up for a new relationship.

How do you know you’ve been elevating yourself?

You should feel that you’re not the same person you were last year or 6 months ago. Or you might catch a friend saying, “How did you learn those things?” That’s a sign you’ve grown.

You can learn new things related to your career – skills like communication, listening, expressing empathy for others, etc.

Why is it important to learn new skills before you jump into a new relationship?

Because every relationship will come with challenges. By leveling up your skills, you’ll have new tools for dealing with those hurdles.

How did you fight with your previous partner? What did you say when your emotions were boiling? How did you navigate the situation?

If you don’t learn new skills, you’ll do the same thing again.

Why not learn new ways of expressing your thoughts and listening before you jump into the next relationship?

That way, when you disagree with your new partner, you’ll have new tools to help you handle the situation and hopefully get better results.

If you stay the same, you will deal with problems in the same way you always did. And what did that get you? A broken heart.

Ok, but what practical things should you do to upgrade your life?

I’m glad you asked. 

You can acquire a new skill by changing your routine and learning new habits.

Remember that learning something new takes time. Be patient and enjoy the process. Once you feel the difference, trust me, you will want a partner who grows with you and allows you to have a better quality of life.

Otherwise, no thank you.

5. You’re ready to invest time and effort into building a new relationship.

Building a relationship is like starting a new business. It takes a lot of time and effort to make it work.

In the past, I tended to choose whatever made me happy in a relationship and I paid the price. I: spent 8 years in a going-nowhere relationship just because I laughed and felt happy every time I saw him.

When we finally broke up, I had a 5-years relationship with a different guy – a relationship that also went nowhere.

Why was I stupid enough to do that? Well, because I felt “happy” in those 2 relationships. I laughed a lot and thought that was good enough.

I didn’t want to marry young anyway, so why bother with a serious relationship? That was what I thought.

I never realized that when you are emotionally close to someone, you tend to accommodate their needs. Sometimes you adjust your goals to meet them in the middle.

However, when you invest your time and emotion in a relationship you know won’t last, you’re wasting your time. This lesson came at a high price: 13 years of my life.

My career was stagnant. I wasn’t broke, yet I also wasn’t rich. My life was going nowhere, just like my romantic relationship.

Things changed when I decided that laughing and feeling happy weren’t enough for me. I wanted something more.

Let me tell you: Just because he makes you laugh doesn’t mean the relationship is worth your time.

Start a new relationship only if investing time and effort into it will get you closer to what you want in life.

If not, stay single.

Tips on Where to Find New People to Date.

Based on the 5 signs above, you can decide whether you’re ready for a new relationship.

If you decide you’re ready, here are some tips to help you:

• Online Dating Apps.

Platforms like Tinder, Bumble, and Match.com can be great for meeting new people. You can set your dating preferences and start connecting with new people. Some of these encounters might turn into dates and even long-term relationships.

• Through Friends and Family.

Dating mutual friends is the traditional way of finding someone special. Let friends and family know you’re open to meeting someone new.

• Social Events or Clubs.

Attending gatherings where people with the same interests hang out is a good way to mingle.

• Volunteer Work.

Not only is volunteering a fulfilling way to give back, but it’s also a great way to meet kind-hearted individuals. You surely want that kind of person as your partner.

• Networking Events.

These events can boost both your career and your romantic life. You might meet a single professional who shares your career ambitions.

• Fitness Classes or Sports Leagues.

Joining a gym or participating in sports can not only improve your health but also introduce you to new people.

• Classes or Workshops.

Enrolling in a class or workshop on a topic of interest can help you learn new things. You might meet someone who has the same passion to grow.

• Religious or Spiritual Gatherings.

Having a partner who shares the same religion is important for some people. Hanging out in churches, mosques, or other spiritual gatherings can connect you with those who share your values.

Opening Yourself to Love Again.

When you open yourself to love again, you’re acknowledging that while past relationships didn’t work out, that doesn’t mean future ones won’t.

You’re choosing to let go of the past, decide that you deserve to be happy, and open to yourself whatever comes your way.

However, from my experience, you will never feel 100% ready to start a new relationship. Past trauma will pop up from time to time, leading you to question whether you’re making the right move.

To tackle that, you must focus on establishing a process that brings you closer to your goal.

For example, if your goal is to find a new long-term partner but the idea of meeting new people overwhelms you, focus on establishing a process to meet new people. Here is a simple system to inspire you:

1. Determine what you want in your next relationship. In this case, you want a long-term partner and to get married.
2. Decide how you want to meet people. Let’s say you decide to meet people online. Choose the online dating platform you like and create an account.
3. Commit to checking your online dating app every day for 10 minutes. Set a reminder on your calendar to ensure you don’t forget.
4. Commit to hanging out on the online dating path for a year. You must stay long enough to give it a fair shot.
5. Evaluate your progress monthly. Do you like your matches from the platform? How many conversations did you have? Did you meet some of your matches for coffee dates?

When you work step-by-step, the idea of getting a partner becomes more doable. After all, getting a serious partner is a byproduct of hanging out with new people, getting to know them, and seeing if there’s a spark.

So, don’t stress about finding “the one” right away. Just focus on enjoying the journey and being open to new possibilities.

Have fun!