20 Tips to Get Your Husband Back from Other Women
Marriage is a lot of hard work, and every couple goes through ups and downs. But now the unthinkable has happened – your husband has cheated on you.
Even if you aren’t married but have been cheated on, you can find this article helpful.
The good news is that you can win him back and rebuild the true love you used to feel for each other.
In this article, I’ll show you how to win your husband back from the other woman. But before jumping into action, you need to make sure the relationship is worth saving.
Let’s dive in!
Things to Understand Before You Decide to Win Your Husband Back
Before you do anything to save your marriage, it’s time to get clear with yourself. Is it worth the effort?
1. Rate from 1-10: How Happy Are You in Your Marriage?
Be honest with yourself about how happy you are in your marriage. If your husband has an affair with another woman, there might be miscommunication or unfulfilled needs that trigger him to do it.
Of course, that doesn’t mean what your husband did was right.
If you want to get your husband back, you need to find the core problem. Most couples who stay together for a long time, know there is a problem, as it becomes the focus of fights between them.
Unless you’re marrying a jerk.
If your husband is indeed a jerk, is it worth your effort to get him back?
If you are totally shocked that your husband had an affair, your problem is a lack of communication. Both of you need to work on having deep conversations to understand the other’s needs and expectations.
Ultimately, before you fight to get your husband back, be sure it’s worth the effort
2. What Is the Worst Thing That Will Happen If You Let Your Husband Go?
This question is scary but necessary.
What is the worst thing that will happen to you and your loved one if your husband chooses to go?
Take several deep breaths. Feel your fear.
You are allowed to cry if you want to.
Write whatever comes to mind. Don’t filter or have a debate with yourself. Once you’re done, take a rest. This exercise is mentally draining. Napping might be a good thing because it resets your emotions and mind.
When you feel like yourself again, read what you’ve written. Summarize it with bullet points and short sentences.
Now that you have a list of things that might happen if your husband left, you can focus on the solution to each problem.
This exercise challenges you to deal with the worst-case scenario. After all, nobody can guarantee that your efforts to get your husband back will succeed.
Most of the time, the worst will not happen, but if it does, you now have some plans to tackle it.
For best results, stay in a hotel or at least take some “me time” at a coffee shop where everyone minds their own business.
You also can divide this exercise into 2 days: 1 day to brainstorm the worst situation and the other day to analyze and make a plan to handle the problems.
3. Assume Your Husband Never Changes: Do You Want to Spend the Rest of Your Life with Him?
Fighting to get your husband back is just the beginning. If you win, you have a lot of work to do in the relationship. This process will require you and your husband to have mutual respect and commit to making some positive changes.
And making changes is not easy.
What if your husband never changes?
How would that make you feel? Do you see yourself permanently staying with a guy like your husband?
Take a deep breath and ask that question of yourself.
Do you feel expansive? Or do you feel like you just took a gut punch?
Your gut knows and wants what is best for you. When it gives you a sign, you’d better listen to it.
Above all, if you can’t take it anymore, you have the right to end the marriage. After all, those who care about you want you to be happy.
If your happiness requires your husband to change, he should at least give it a try. If he doesn’t, well, why do you stay with that kind of person?
You deserve better than that.
4. Do You See the Big Picture?
We’ve been asking difficult questions so far:
1. Rate from 1-10: How happy are you in your marriage?
2. What is the worst thing that will happen if you let your husband go?
3. Assume your husband never changes; do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?
After answering those 3 questions, do you see the big picture of your marriage? How happy are you, what is the worst thing that could happen, and what kind of guy are you dealing with?
The answer will show you where your starting point is. I suggest that you write the answers to those questions in Google Drive and save them as files.
So what do you say? Do you want to get your husband back from his mistress?
If the answer is yes, the rest of this article is for you.
5. Set a Deadline and Stick with it!
Now that you’ve decided to try to get your husband back, let’s get to work.
The next part of the article consists of steps to take. But before that, you need to do one thing: Set a deadline and stick with it!
If you don’t have a deadline, you’ll end up hoping that good times return by themselves (let’s be real: that won’t happen) and waste your own life waiting for nothing.
You need a deadline for having a heart-to-heart talk with your husband. How long do you want to wait for his answer? And so on.
This deadline will keep your focus on the next milestone. It will help you avoid being overwhelmed and burned out.
This journey is like a marathon, not a sprint. Setting a deadline helps you avoid emotional burnout by breaking things down into bite-sized, manageable steps.
10 Tips for Winning Your Husband Back
#Tips 6-10 are crucial, so read them in order. These are steps you need to take when you confront your husband for the first time. The sequence is important to prevent things from getting out of control.
6. Be Honest About the Fact That You Know Everything.
Now that you’ve decided your husband is worth fighting for, it’s time to get down to business.
The first step is the most difficult one: Confront your husband about his affair.
You need to be prepared. I suggest going on a staycation with only the two of you (without the kids) so that you can talk freely.
Tell your husband you know about his affair. Share what you’ve done in the previous steps. Let your husband know this is not an emotional act and that you’ve been considering everything.
Once you finish, be silent.
If your husband wants to talk, let him.
7. Ask About His Feelings.
At this point, if you still don’t know why your husband cheated on you, ask him!
Ask about his feelings.
What triggered him to do so?
From his point of view, what’s missing in your marriage?
Here, we try to get both sides of the story.
I’m not gonna lie: This will suck.
You’ve been cheated on, and now you have to hear about the wrong things with your marriage. The easiest move is to blame your husband for everything.
But if you want to win him back, blaming him will not benefit you. Nobody has a happy marriage by pointing a finger at their partner.
8. Take Responsibility.
Now you have two sides of the story. What’s next?
Tell your husband that whatever happens in the marriage, both parties must take responsibility for it. This will put him in a neutral position, and he will be more willing to see the big picture.
If you corner him, he will be busy defending himself, and the discussion will go nowhere.
9. Let Him Know That You Want to Fix the Marriage.
The affair has come to light, your husband has told his side of the story, and you’re willing to take responsibility for the situation.
It’s time to tell your husband what you want: to fix the marriage.
This means both of you must make some changes to improve the quality of your marriage. Tell him that you want to do the work and you want to know if he’s willing to do the same.
See what he says.
10. Give Him Some Space.
If you play your cards right, your husband will realize this is a make-or-break moment for your marriage. He must make a decision.
This is a hard decision for everyone.
To ensure you both make progress, set a deadline for when you and your husband will have another discussion on this topic.
For example, “On April 5, 2024, I will ask for your decision. Or if he wants to give you the answer sooner, you’ll be all ears.
Without a fixed deadline, you might: 1) Find yourself waiting too long and nothing happens. 2) Distract yourself to avoid the final decision. 3) Pretend that time will fix the problem for you.
Once you set the deadline, give your husband some safe space to think.
Don’t corner him or ask for a decision every day.
“What if he goes to see his mistress in the meantime?”
It’s his choice.
If he ends up seeing his mistress or even playing around with other women, well, I guess that’s his answer.
If he takes you, your marriage, and the kids seriously, he shouldn’t care about other women at this point. Instead, he should focus on choosing what is best for all of you.
You can set an agreement to not have sex with your husband while this topic remains unresolved. Having sex gives you “happy” emotions thanks to oxytocin. You might end up forgiving your husband, and pretending everything is ok, but the core problem won’t have been resolved.
That is not a solution.
You’ll only be setting a ticking bomb in the marriage. Sooner or later, you must deal with the real problem.
11. Keep the War Between You Two.
There is no need to terrorize his mistress.
Don’t announce it on social media.
Do your best to keep everything private, even among family and friends.
This is between you and your husband.
If you spread the word, the problem will become bigger because your friends and family members will defend you. The more people involved, the more cluttered things become.
It’s like a bowl of water; when a bunch of hands are stirring the water, it will get muddy. Meanwhile, when things quiet down, the water clears up, letting you see to the bottom.
That’s when you can see the whole problem and fix it, or let it go entirely.
12. Don’t Beg or Plead.
At this time, you’re going on an emotional roller coaster. You might feel lonely, scared, and sick. A single thought might pop up in your head: ‘If my husband stays with me, all this misery will be gone.’
Well, that’s not always the case.
What will make your misery disappear are a healthy marriage and a happy new life. If your husband stays with you because you beg him to or he takes pity on you, your marriage won’t be happy.
You’ll look like a happy couple, but it will be a facçade and things will break down again.
No matter how wrecked your heart is, NEVER beg or plead for him to come back to you.
Don’t shout that you can’t live without him.
Don’t even plead in the name of your children.
Let your husband sort out his mind, and talk when the deadline arrives – or earlier if one of you feels called to do so.
Whatever happens, promise to respect each other’s decision.
13. Enjoy Your Life.
Yes, I mean that.
When you’re facing a depressing situation like this, you must make time for happiness.
I know it sounds like the worst advice ever: Your marriage is in trouble and I’m suggesting that you enjoy your life. But being depressed won’t serve anyone.
Happy people function better which leads you to better decisions.
Now, I’m not encouraging you to party all night like a teenager. If you’re a married woman, with or without kids, you’ve lived long enough to choose how to spend your time wisely.
Some things you can try to lighten up your spirit:
– Go on a short holiday with family, friends, or your kids.
– Try a new workout class.
– Get a new hobby.
– Do silly things with others. Karaoke can make you laugh hard.
– Read books outside your typical genre to refresh your mind.
Whatever activity you choose, please remember you’re still a married woman. Don’t choose activities that cause your partner to think you’re having fun with someone else.
I know it’s kind of ridiculous.
Your husband is the one who has a mistress but you’re the one who is expected to act properly. But here’s the deal: This cheating situation is exactly why you need to keep everything in order. That way, if things break down, your husband is the one held accountable for his own actions.
Don’t let him off the hook by giving him the opportunity to say, ”Sure, I cheated, but so did you.”
You’re smarter than that.
14. Seek Professional Help if You Need It.
Infidelity is a tangled mess. On top of that, you’re on a mission to win your husband back from another woman. Your heart’s shattered, yet you have to make the best choices for yourself and those you care about.
If you need professional help, please get it.
It’s similar to when you’re feeling under the weather and you seek medical attention and take medication. Refusing to get help when you’re suffering is a sign of stubbornness and toxic behavior.
You might need a psychologist, marriage counselor, relationship coach, etc. Research your options and choose the one that best suits you.
Professionals offer a neutral perspective on your situation. They aren’t emotionally tied up in it, and they have the new skills to help you unpack your emotional pain and gain clarity.
Try out different professionals until you find the one who clicks with you. It’s okay if you don’t immediately vibe with a particular coach, doctor, or counselor. Keep searching. Just because one doesn’t feel right, doesn’t mean therapy isn’t for you. It’s about finding the right fit.
15. Respect Your Husband’s Decision.
The deadline is here.
Your husband must give his decision. Does he want to stay in the marriage? Or will he choose to leave the relationship?
Whatever his decision is, respect it.
If he chooses to stay, good. Continue reading this article. If he chooses to leave, you can skip down to the last part of the article.
At this point, you must get a “yes” or “no” answer. Your marriage or the mistress? There’s nothing in between.
What if your husband can’t seem to make up his mind?
Some people love to do this: They don’t want to be the one who pulls the trigger. It’s not the best approach, but it happens. If that’s the case, you might need to take matters into your own hands and decide what’s best for you.
Think of it as a chance to redesign your life to what truly suits you. You have plenty of years ahead, and you shouldn’t waste your life on a man who doesn’t value you.
But what about the children?
If you have kids with your husband, whatever decision you make will certainly impact them. But staying in a toxic marriage isn’t doing them any favors either.
It’s a matter of choosing which challenge you’re willing to tackle.
Trust that no matter what curveballs life throws at your kids, you’ll be there for them. Plus, your children will learn how to handle whatever comes their way in life regardless their parents get divorced or not.
Rebuilding Trust: Navigating the Post-Affair Relationship
So your husband has decided to stay with you and dump his mistress!
Great!
You’ve won the first battle, but the next is waiting: improving your marriage to achieve a healthy and happy relationship.
Here are some tips.
16. Don’t Mention the Affair Again!
If you keep bringing up the affair in arguments, you’ll create an unsafe situation for your relationship.
Your husband might feel guilty and not say anything, but over time, resentment will build up. Before you know it, things will have broken down to worse than before.
When you get into an argument and feel the urge to mention your husband’s mistake, take a deep breath and stop talking.
Go to another room. Or distract yourself with something else.
When you’re in a better head space, resume the argument. This time, do so in a calmer tone and with the right words.
17. Forgive One Another.
When you’ve been through the wringer with a cheating partner, forgiving them might be the last thing you want to do.
How can you let him get away with it?
First and foremost, you didn’t let him get away with cheating. You caught him and confronted him, and he chose to stay in the relationship with you.
The next question is: How do you want to proceed?
Refusing to let go of resentment toward him is like drinking poison and hoping he’ll feel the effects. It ends up hurting both of you in the long run.
That’s why you have no other choice but to forgive your husband and yourself.
Wait. Why do you have to forgive yourself?
Because a relationship is like a tango: It takes both of you to make it work. When things hit a rough patch, both you and your husband play a role in the situation.
So, how do you forgive someone?
It starts with empathy.
Without excusing his bad behavior, try to understand why your husband did what he did. Put yourself in his shoes. What would you do if you were him?
Once you can set aside your pain and see things through your husband’s eyes, you should have many deep and difficult conversations with your husband.
That’s where the real work begins.
18. Dig Deeper: Get to the Root of What Led to the Infidelity and Make Some Changes.
You’ve had the conversation in which you confronted your husband about his affair. Now, it’s time for both of you to make some changes to prevent further infidelity and have a good marriage for years to come.
This is a very difficult conversation because you must be ready to hear what your husband perceives as lacking in you.
There will be plenty of tears, but commit to listening to what your husband has to say.
Just listen. Don’t argue.
Listening to your husband’s discontent doesn’t mean you’re on the same page. It’s just a chance for him to get things off his chest, so you two can tackle the problems head-on.
If you argue right away, it will become a fight. And we all know what happens with a fight: Everybody loses.
The core problem will never be taken care of.
Once your husband is done, it’s your turn.
Each of you can make a list of what needs to improve in your marriage. From time to time (let’s say every 4 or 6 months), you can check on each other to see the progress.
When you notice your husband making changes, compliment him. Encourage your husband to do the same for you when you do something he likes.
This will improve your emotional connection.
If you feel like you need a marriage counselor to navigate this process, don’t hesitate to seek one out. Consider it an investment in your future happiness.
19. How Can You Improve Your Marriage?
You have committed to never mentioning the affair and to forgiving your husband. Now, it’s time to take a good hard look into your marriage.
The short answer is by rebuilding your connection.
Brainstorm some good idea with your husband on how to reconnect.
Why don’t you set a specific date for quality time every 2 weeks?
How about spicing things up with a second honeymoon? Physical intimacy is an important part of receipt for having years of marriage, so it’s time to bring it back.
Maybe you can try to read a relationship book together and have a discussion afterward.
One relationship book to recommend is 5 Love Languages. It talks about how you and your partner want to receive love. Understanding each other’s love language is one of the skills you must learn to give emotional support.
In addition, understanding people’s love language will help you build relationships with anyone in your life: your children, parents, coworkers, and friends.
By focusing with curiosity on how to make your marriage work, you slowly create space for healing and growth.
The other skills both of you must learn are honest communication, offering a safe place to express each other’s feelings, being a good listener, and so on.
You can also take online courses about relationships and get through it together with your husband. Investing in personal growth will bring new ways to your marriage.
20. Understand It Will Take a Lot of Time and Effort.
There’s no quick fix to a broken marriage.
It will take a lot of time and effort from both of you.
You will have many uncomfortable conversations, and work through a lot of emotional baggage.
Think of it like renovating a house. It’s not just a weekend project. Sometimes you need to start from scratch, tearing down old walls, and choosing a new paint color to change the vibe.
It’s the same with revamping your marriage. It’ll going to be messy and challenging at times, but the result should be worth it.
So, buckle up and prepare to be in it for the long haul.
Whether your husband is cheating on you or not, working on a relationship is hard. Regard your husband’s infidelity as a trigger to get your marriage to the next level.
In the meantime, have fun. You have built your family to add happiness to your life. Life isn’t always rainbows and sunshine, but you can always brighten your day with each other’s smiles.
You’ve got this!
And If Your Husband Decides to Leave You…
It’s unfortunate.
But your life isn’t over.
Accept the decision.
Respect it.
Don’t ask too many questions.
And don’t blame yourself.
The first thing you must do is allow yourself to grieve. Give yourself the time and space to process these feelings. Your brain will be clouded for some time so creating habits to help you deal with your broken heart will be helpful.
If you have kids, you might want to be sure you can handle your emotional turbulence before you inform them about the upcoming changes in the house.
The next step is to set boundaries with your soon-to-be ex-husband. The bond is over, so act accordingly. Don’t sleep with him. Don’t try to win him back.
Focus on creating a healthy and positive environment for recovery. Take things one day at a time. See this transition as a second chance to create a new, fulfilling life.
Millions of women have gone through similar experiences and have come out stronger.
If they survived, so can you!
