Single Women: 10 Simple Steps to Rebuild Your Confidence.

Do you have a friend who always gets what she wants? 

She’s not particularly beautiful, not especially smart, not even the hardest worker, but somehow, she seems to be living her best life.

In contrast, you may have a smart, hardworking friend who seems to miss out on good opportunities—from promotions at work to the handsome guy next door.

What’s the difference?

Confidence!

Confidence affects the way you make decisions in your life. With high self-confidence, you’re more likely to pursue what you want in life because you know your worth.

This article will give you 10 simple steps to rebuild your confidence so that you will get what you want in life.

Let’s get started!

Step 1: Understand That Confidence Goes Up and Down.

Confidence isn’t something you gain once and keep permanently.

It’s more like happiness. Some days you’ll have it, and on other days, it might slip away. But if you don’t feel happy for too long and don’t do anything about it, you’ll get depressed.

After a breakup, it’s normal for your confidence may take a nosedive. The more painful the breakup—such as if your partner cheated with someone half your age—the more your confidence can shatter.

You might ask yourself, “How to regain self confidence after being cheated on? Is it even possible?”

Yes, it is.

Fortunately, you don’t have to remain in that state forever. You can learn how to rebuild your self esteem and live a better life.

Let’s be clear on one thing: having high confidence doesn’t mean you’re free of self-doubt or always feel on top of the world. It means you believe in yourself most days, acknowledge your self-doubt, embrace it, and keep moving forward.

You don’t let negative thoughts hold you back.

Step 2: Strengthen Your Belief in Your Own Worth.

If you’re worthy enough, he won’t choose to leave you.

You might feel this way when finding that someone you love chooses to leave you. I know this from first-hand experience. The worst part is that the “someone I love” is my mother. It tore my self-confidence apart to the point where I questioned my own existence.

What a thought!

Thankfully, a simple question accidentally saved my life. The question was, “Am I here just to be bullied by life? Is this really my fate? Isn’t Allah benevolent?

Yes, Anggi. Allah is benevolent. You’re not here to be bullied, cry in desperation, and die.

Regardless of your beliefs—whether in Allah, God, or the Universe—what matters is that you recognize your purpose.

Recognizing your worth can significantly boost your confidence.

You might not be in your best condition right now. But, things will get better. You’ll get stronger, learn how to rebuild self confidence, and soon realize that this heartbreak is the start of something better.

Why is it important to believe that you’re worth something?

Because the brain is a fantastic tool for confirming whatever you believe in. If you believe that you’re worthless because your relationship is falling apart, your brain will find all the evidence to start that belief. That can hinder your pursuit of a fulfilling life.

Instead, let’s use your brain to help you win.

You believe that you’re worth something in this world. You solidify this belief by finding evidence for it. Challenge yourself to write 100 things you’re good at and why you’re valuable in this world.

Everything counts on this list, big and small, from being a good dog mom to winning a drawing competition in kindergarten to having a six-figure salary.

Save this list. Every day, read the list, even if it’s just a glance.

When you feel down, this list also plays as your secret weapon to pick yourself up.

If you can’t write up to 100 things, that can be your motivation to fill the list.

If you already have 100, how about 200?

Let’s keep going and make a longer list.

Play this game for 3-6 months, and see how your confidence will grow over time.

Step 3: Pick One Area of Life You Want to Improve.

Do you have that one beautiful friend who seems to be adored by everyone?  

Or those people at an elite golf club who act like they own the world and are too busy running it?  

When people have something they’re proud of, it’s easier to build your confidence in other areas of your life.

Yes, Anggi. Unfortunately, I’m not that beautiful, not rich, and I’ve never had a bikini body my entire life.

Here is the secret: neither do I!

You don’t need to be beautiful or wealthy, nor do you need to have a toned body to feel confident. My point from this example is once you have confidence in a certain area of your life, the more your confidence will increase in general.

That’s why you must choose one area to focus on if you want to pick yourself up from rock bottom. Which area do you want to prioritize? Your finance? Your health and fitness? Your romance?

Once you made your decision, choose your lowest-hanging fruit. What things can you do easily to boost your confidence in that area?

It doesn’t have to be impressive; you can start with something small, such as:

• You should complete your to-do list every weekday. It will build your trust. If you said something will be done, it will be done.
• If you work from home, challenge yourself to wear a real dress every weekday. It will build your physical confidence.
• Aim to take 10,000 steps every day for a month. It will build your self-discipline.
• Finish a book every month. It will make you smarter over time, give you more ideas, and boost your confidence in decision-making.
• Checking in on a friend or family member every day. It will show that you’re a caring person.

Those examples are pretty simple, right?

Feel free to do something else based on your situation. Choose to do one thing, keep doing it for three months, and see if you feel better about yourself.

Step 4: Set Specific Action-Focused Goals.

When rebuilding your confidence, it’s crucial to set action-focused goals. Why? Because it will give you 100% control of the result.

Here’s an example.

You decide to learn how to rebuild self esteem after emotional abuse. You want to focus on your health as your first step.

. Most people tend to set a goal like, “I want to lose 10 pounds.” When they don’t achieve that, they’ll be sad. This disappointment might put you on a downward spiral that leads you to throw the towel entirely.

But if you change your goal to: I want to: ‘I want to walk 10,000 steps a day and do yoga twice a week. Now, the goal is 100% in your control. You can walk when you’re commuting to work. And do yoga classes at night with YouTube videos.

And don’t worry about losing 10 pounds. If you are active physically, you’ll lose weight naturally. Or, you might find you don’t lose weight but your body will tone up.

As you do the work, something good will start to happen and you’ll feel better about yourself.

Step 5: Reconnect with Yourself.

Do you remember when you were a child, draping a blanket around yourself and imagining you were Superman?

Most kids always see the world with bright eyes. Until they learn about the negative emotions in life: failing an exam, getting rejected by their first crush at elementary school, and wondering if they’re good enough to get a job.

And here we are as an adult who tends to have self-doubt in every move we make.

If you want to learn how to rebuild your confidence, you must connect to the child in you who thinks she’s a superhero.

No, you don’t need to pretend that blanket is your wings. You just need to talk to that child, and ask her:

• What made you feel brave or invincible?
• What words or compliments would have made a difference for you?
• Is there something you loved doing as a child that made you feel special?

You might get a surprising answer from your inner child. You’ll realize, all this time, you already know what you want and need to do to be happy. But we’re busy listening to what society tells us to do: get a good grade, have tons of money, buy cars, buy a house, marry with kids, etc.

There’s nothing wrong with social expectations. Some of those expectations are things we need to survive life anyway. But make sure, every time you set your eyes on something, you genuinely want to do that thing.

This is what I discovered when I did this exercise.

I realized I had loved to read and write since I was a teenager. I’m that weird kid who sits on the park bench and reads for hours. Other kids skip class to have fun while I hide in the library write my novel and share it with my friends every time I finish a chapter.

Imagine how scary it is to decide to make money from my writing while I am already a stock broker as an adult. But I had forgotten about this passion for 15 years, and I hadn’t enjoyed my adult life so far. It’s time to take a different approach.

And here we are, reading my blog. I also make some money by writing blogs for clients. I use my stockbroker skills to trade stocks for myself and earn money from that as well.

Am I still afraid that I will fail? That this blog will go nowhere and never make real money? Yes, I’m scared. But I’m taking steps anyway. I build my confidence by becoming the person who does what I say I’m going to do. And I’ve never felt happier.

So, it’s time for you to connect to yourself and see what’s come up!

Step 6: It’s Time to Rewrite Your Beliefs.

If you follow step #5, this part will be easy.

You should have plenty of wisdom that you learn from your past.

Connecting the dots from every milestone can act as guidance on how to regain your confidence. Pay attention to your beliefs because they might not serve you the best.

Take me for example.

In my 20s, I strongly believed, “Winners never quit. Quitters never win.” It sounds so heroic and makes me feel like a superwoman. I later learned that a true winner knows when to quit.

If you choose a business, working on it for 5 years, and you don’t like where you’re now financially, it’s okay to quit. And I quit many times. I used to sell clothes online, but then I closed my shop because I didn’t believe my future would be bright if continued down that path.

I choose to get back to school, take a master’s degree, and become a stockbroker. I tried it for 2 years only to realize that I don’t like the corporate world. I’m an entrepreneur at heart.

And here I am, turning down a few corporate offers to write for my blog. While my counterparts’ careers soar, I sometimes question if I’m doing the right thing with my life.

I still vividly remember what the last CEO whose offer I rejected said to me. He said, “Anggi, there was a moment in my life when I was on a path like yours, choosing between entrepreneurship or climbing the corporate ladder. I was scared to do what you’re doing. I sincerely hope that you make it.”

Another fundamental belief that I changed is the way I saw why my mom left me and My Dad. I used to think she left because I’m a dud! But after I read Ramani Durvasula’s PhD book It’s Not You, I realized that my mother is a narcissistic individual.

She left me because that’s what narcissistic people do: they do whatever they like and don’t care if what they’re doing hurts others, even if it’s their own daughter.

This is the biggest epiphany of my life.

Now that inner voice that says, ‘If you’re worthy, your mother won’t leave you,’ has lost its power over me.

The bottom line is: It’s okay to change.

If you think changing your beliefs means you aren’t trying hard enough or being consistent, think again. If you’re in your 20s or 30s and have never changed your beliefs, it’s a sign you’re not fully engaging with your life.

Step 7: Keep This Journey for Yourself.

Understanding how to regain your confidence back is a personal journey, and sometimes it’s better to keep it to yourself.

Think about it: once you share your goal with the public, outside opinion will bombard you. Your supporters will cheer for you, while others won’t. You will even find some people laughing behind your back.

Keeping your goals to yourself saves time and energy by avoiding the need to explain why you want to build your confidence, your exact plan, dealing with Debbie Downers, and so on.

I do the same thing when I start a new career as a writer. If I share it with the public, even my most supportive friends will raise their eyebrows and ask me to reconsider my decision.

They will give me all the reasonable reasons why things won’t work:

• I already invested so much in my education in finance.
• Being a stockbroker is a prestigious career, so why would I want to give it up for something like “blogging.”
• English is my second language. Why would people want to pay a non-native speaker like me to write an article in English?

And all those reasons are also fears in my heart. Frankly, I don’t know what I’m doing. I just know I want to write since I was a teenager.

It’s easier to make progress when you focus on doing the damn thing, tweak, and keep going until something is happening.

Now, two years later, I still haven’t announced to people in my life—even to my dad—that I write professionally. I just focus on writing one article a week for my blog. I have a long-standing writing client who gives me enough money to pay my bills.

If I “made it,” like hit 6-figure from my blog, people will know eventually.

Until that time, it’s easier to work in silence.

The same applies to your journey of building confidence. Keep your goal to yourself. When you start making progress, people will say, “There’s something different about you lately—in a good way! You seem more comfortable in your own skin.

Step 8: Expect Things to be Difficult.

Rebuilding your confidence isn’t a walk in the park. The key to making you stay in the game is to make a plan on what to do when you fall off the bandwagon.

Here are some ideas for dealing with failure:

• Give yourself grace. When you stumble, allow yourself to feel disappointed, but don’t allow it to define you. Brush it off, and pick up where you left off.
• Do you set reasonable goals? Maybe you need to tweak your plan and set bite-size steps. Sometimes, you set yourself up for failure by setting unrealistic goals in the first place. 
• See your failure as a “score.” The higher your score, the more it means you’re doing something. You should be proud of it rather than ashamed.

Changing your perspective on failure is key. Often, we are our own worst enemy, being harsher on ourselves than anyone else. 

Remember, real-life progress doesn’t look like school.

In school, mistakes are seen as setbacks, something to avoid at all costs. But in real life, it’s the exact opposite—mistakes are a natural part of growth. The more you learn to embrace them, the more progress you’ll make.

Step 9: Stay Long Enough to See the Results.

Most people overestimate what they can do in a year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.

What makes people fail is that they quit before staying long enough on a certain course to see the result. They quit too early.

Let’s implement this concept in real life.

You want to get your finances in order. You want to save $10,000 in your emergency fund. Based on your calculation, it will take you 24 months to achieve it. Just because you overspend this month, doesn’t mean you’re doomed for life.

Analyze what makes you fail this month, keep the lesson, forgive yourself, and give it another shot next month.

Unfortunately, focusing on a long-term goal can be demotivating. Saving $10,000 can feel discouraging if you have $0 in savings. That’s why it’s important to break down your goal. Your final goal maybe $10,000, but you can divide it into 10 smaller steps of $1,000 each.

By doing this, you can sense the feeling of accomplishment every time you save $1,000. It makes your journey more enjoyable.

Step 10: Tiny Progress Is Still Progress: Celebrate It.

The last step you must take to rebuild your confidence is tracking your progress. The easiest to do this is by comparing yourself to your past self.

Did you make progress compared to last month?

6 months ago?

Or last year?

Appreciate every tiny progress you made.

Always remember to compare yourself with your past self. You must NOT compare yourself with others.

Imagine how you would feel if you were working to become a better communicator. Your ultimate goal is to become a better manager to advance your career.

Then, you compare yourself with someone like Oprah Winfrey, who effortlessly engages and inspires her audience with her communication skills.

This is a wrong approach to evaluating your progress, as Oprah is many steps ahead of you. It’s an unfair game from the start.

You can’t help but feel discouraged, thinking this journey is impossible and you’ll never “get there.”

This is why you should use social media in moderation. From experience, scrolling too much on Instagram and comparing your low points to others’ curated highlight reels is harmful. It brings you nothing but disappointment.

Focus on your own journey. Celebrate your progress, acknowledge your achievement, and set a new milestone.

Why Learning How to Rebuild Self Esteem and Confidence Is a Journey Worth Taking?

This article should cover everything you need to learn on how to regain your confidence in a relationship, financial, personal growth, and other areas of your life.

It covers not just about healing your heart and getting back on dating; it’s also about elevating your life. Someone with good confidence seems to live a better life because they are self-sustaining, not depending on other’s validity.

Can you imagine if your happiness came from within, and you didn’t rely on anyone else to feel complete? That would be such a liberation.

A strong sense of self-esteem empowers you to set higher standards in all aspects of your life—whether it’s in love, career, or personal growth.

And here’s the icing on the cake: your confidence will make people think twice before messing with you, saving you time and trouble.

Now, go out and unleash your inner rock star!