How to Getting Your Life Back Together as a Single Woman

People say three things can change you forever: a broken heart, an empty stomach, and an empty wallet.

This happened to me when I finally decided to get my life back together after experiencing a breakup in my mid-30s.

I was single and broke. I was terrified that I wouldn’t have enough time to have children. I was afraid my career was over and I might be destined to live a super-so-so life.

I remember thinking, “After everything I’ve been through in my life (my parents’ divorce and my dad’s bankruptcy), I end up being no one? Don’t I deserve to have a partner? This is so unfair!

Fortunately, I chose to take control of my life and create simple habits to turn my life around.

It was quite a journey to spin out from survival mode and start to thrive. After 2 years, I’m still single and not a millionaire, but I can assure you that this bumpy journey is worth taking.

If you resonate with my story, maybe it’s time to getting your life together. This article will explain how to get your life back together as a single woman. 

Let’s get started!

What Is Get Your Life Together Means to You?

There’s no one-size-fits-all definition of getting your life together.

Women in their 20s will have different expectations about the life they want than those in their 30s. There’s no right or wrong answer because everyone is different.

You must decide what you want in life. This is the first step toward getting your life together. Don’t overthink it; just determine what feels best for you right now so that you can build the necessary momentum to take a step toward it.

You might ask: What if I change my mind? Will I regret my choice?

Sure, you might change your mind in the future. If that happens, you’ll adapt and pivot.

If you don’t know where to start, these questions might help you:

• What do I think about my life now? Make a list of what works and what does not.
• Which area of my life feels the most out of balance right now? How do I want things to be?
• How am I different from who I was 6 months ago? Have I learned something new? What was it? How about last year or 5 years ago? How much has my life changed?
• How do I usually feel when I wake up? Is that how I want to feel?
• Have I noticed a gap between the life I’m living now and the one I want? What are some ways to close that gap? What small steps can I take today to narrow it?

Write your answer on a piece of paper. Let your mind flow. If more questions pop up, answer them. Follow your intuition. Once you’re done with this exercise, you’ll better understand what you want in life.

But that’s not the end. One session of journaling won’t change your life. You must keep your focus on what you want on a daily basis. Where your attention goes, energy flows.

How can you do that? Where to start getting your life together?

By making a vision board.

A vision board will transform what’s in your mind to the real world. Even if it’s just a picture, something inside you will scream, “That’s what my life should look like!”

Put your vision board where you can see it every day. You can also create a digital version of your vision board and make it the background of your phone. Doing this will ingrain your dream life into your mind.

Adopting the Right Mindset to Start Getting Your Life Together.

Whatever you’re dealing with right now didn’t come out of nowhere. It’s the result of your decisions.

How did you make your decisions?

Based on your beliefs. This is why having the right mindset is essential to getting your life together.

1. Take full responsibility for your life.

The first step toward changing your life is to stop playing the victim.

Everything that happens in your life is your responsibility. Everything.

Even if what happened isn’t your fault.

This is a hard pill to swallow, especially if you’re dealing with trauma.

I use myself as an example.

My mom left my dad and me when I was 16. For years, I wondered, “How could she do that? Don’t I mean anything to her?”

I spent years in depression because of the thought, “If I were worthy, my mom wouldn’t have left me.”

When I hear the concept of “stop playing the victim,” I can’t accept it. But I am, in fact, the victim here!

When I hit rock bottom and was on the verge of suicide, a thought crossed my mind: “Wait, my mom hurt me. Why am I letting go of my life just because of what happened? Yes, I was a victim as a child, but I’m not a child anymore. I’m almost 20. Am I here just to be depressed, take my own life, and be gone? I can do better than this!”

It was a simple thought that changed my life. I accidentally found the first steps to getting my life together: asking the right questions.

I challenged myself to see the situation from a different perspective. Rather than regard myself as a victim, I regarded myself as a decision-maker.

This is what happened. What are you going to do about it?

Note that my life didn’t become perfect right away.

Even as I write this (17 years later), I’m still not living my dream life. Maybe I never will, as our dream lives are always ahead of us.

But I can assure you that, by taking full responsibility for my life, I have improved it.

2. Focus on progress, not perfection.

What do you have to do to succeed in school?

Study, do well on your exams, and get good grades.

If you make a mistake, your punishment will be a bad grade. If you have too many bad grades, you’ll fail.

For years, the school has taught us that making a mistake is bad. That’s why we tend to overthink: to avoid mistakes. We’re stuck in a cycle of chasing perfection.

Unfortunately, this principle doesn’t work in real life.

People who don’t make mistakes are those who don’t do much with their lives.

If you want to change your life, you must be okay with making mistakes. Mistakes aren’t our enemies; they’re a track record of how many things we’ve tried. The more mistakes you make while chasing something, the more it shows that you really want this thing in your life.

Of course, no matter what, making mistakes sucks. Our egos take a hit again and again, but this is part of the journey toward success.

The good news is that you don’t need to make all the mistakes on your own. You can learn from other’s mistakes. This is why I love to chat with people who have taken the road ahead of me, read uplifting books, and learn new things.

It’s the quickest way to gain new insight and determine whether I can implement the lesson in my life.

3. Adopt a growth mindset.

People say that even a donkey doesn’t fall into the same pit twice.

This wisdom is mandatory if you want to get your life back together. You’ll have to pivot, set new standards, and keep changing.

To get closer to your dream life, you must grow as an individual.

When you’re a child, growth happens automatically.

Babies are born, grow into toddlers, and then become children. They learn new skills at every stage of their development, from growing teeth and eating solid food to crawling, walking, talking, and more.

Then, they go to school, where there will be lessons, homework, and exams. The education system guides us to keep growing as individuals.

However, when you’re done with school, growth becomes optional. If you don’t put in the effort to grow, you’ll stay where you are.

To get your life back together as a single woman, you must be okay with growing. It will be challenging, uncomfortable, and sometimes even painful.

That’s the price you must pay to live your best life.

How to Get Your Life Together? These 5 Habits Will Help You.

There is a famous quote from Abraham Lincoln: “Give me 6 hours to chop down a tree and I would spend the first 4 hours sharpening my axe.”

What is the underlying message?

First, preparation is important.

You can chop a tree with a dull axe but it will take more time and effort. In life, the axe is you. The more you sharpen yourself, the more effective you’ll be at getting things done.

Second, the tree is a sign of a goal. Swing your axe toward the tree, and you’ll chop it down eventually. The same is true of your goal. So long as you work toward it, you’ll get there sooner or later.

The easiest way to sharpen yourself and ensure you swing your axe is by building effective habits. That’s what Stephen R. Covey says in his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

I trust him because that’s the way I rebuilt my life when I was single (again) at 35.

Habits enable you to walk step by step toward your goal without thinking about it.

Here are some habits you must include in your life to get back on track:

1. Take care of your physical health.

To live your best life, you must take care of your health. There’s no point in having a lot of money, a big house, and a fancy car if you can’t enjoy them.

Fortunately, taking care of your health is simple. Here’s what you need to do:

• Sleep 8 hours a night.
• Eat well.
• Move your body at least 20 minutes a day.

That’s it.

If you have those three things together, you’ll have enough energy to get through the day.

However, in today’s fast-paced world, these 3 things can be challenging if you don’t set rules.

Your scrolling habits can eat up your sleeping time. Or you might not be able to fall asleep at night due to the blue light radiation from your screen.

You might busy yourself trying trendy food or restaurants and forget that all your body needs is balanced and nourishing food.

Are you too busy to work out or just to walk? Check your screen time. I’m sure you can get away from your phone for an hour or two. And if you need to go somewhere that’s within walking distance, don’t order an Uber.

2. Fuel your mind with uplifting content.

People say we don’t see the world the way it is, we see it the way we are.

And your brain is the most powerful tool in the world to find evidence of whatever you believe in.

If you believe nobody likes you, your brain will gather all the bad things people do to you to prove that nobody likes you. 

Trash people say things behind your back.

Your boyfriend cheats on you.

Your boss steals your ideas.

You’ll go down a rabbit hole of misery. Life sucks!

The same concept works with positive things. Thinking positively will elevate your life.

You’ll find a stranger who says “thank you” because you held the door.

A guy who secretly cares about you but hasn’t found the chance to express his feelings.

A co-worker who introduces you to a new client.

Both are happening in your life. The good things and the bad.

Your job is to remember the good ones and let go of the bad ones. This will shape the way you see the world. You’ll live a better life if you focus on the positive.

How exactly can you have a positive outlook toward life?

By surrounding yourself with positivity.

Watch content that uplifts you.

Hang out with positive people.

Mention 3 good things that happened to you today. This is a good ritual for ending your day.

Read good books to feed your thoughts.

Every time you think negatively, challenge your mind to see things from a different point of view.

The most important and easiest way to do this is to smile! When you wake up, look at yourself in the mirror, and say, “Good morning, [Your name]! I love you!”

Yes, you’ll cringe. But you’ll get used to it. Do this for a week. You’ll feel something different inside. It feels so good to say that you love yourself!

3. Soothe your soul.

When you’re trying to get your life back together as a single woman, you will face times when things seem impossible. You’ll feel like something is missing, but you can’t figure out what it is.

Or, you might have a good life, but you still don’t feel happy. You might feel ungrateful, though that’s not your intention. This uneasy feeling follows you everywhere, and you can’t shake it off.

Your soul needs some nourishment, just like we eat to feed our stomachs and read to feed our minds. Prayer is the way to go.

Some people practice certain religious rituals.

As a Moslem, I pray at least five times a day. When I need more guidance, I wake up before dawn to pray.

Others go to church or temple.

When you pray, you can ask for guidance from a higher power. This way, you’ll never feel alone. No matter how tough things get, you’ll have a powerful source of support to lean on.

Sometimes, all you can do is your best and trust that things will fall into place.

What if you don’t practice a specific religion? Do you still need to pray?

My answer would be: Yes.

You can create your own ritual to connect to the universe or whatever you believe in. Here are some ideas on how you can connect to something beyond you:

• Practice mindfulness or meditation. Quieting your mind and focusing on the present moment can help bring peace and clarity to your soul.
• Spend time in nature. Whether walking in a park, hiking, or simply sitting by the ocean, you can see that you’re a small component of the universe.
• Engage in creative expression. You can try painting, journaling, or playing music to see what works for you.
• Practice gratitude and train your brain to focus on positive things. This will comfort you and reveal the good things that happen in the world.
• Be kind to others. You’ll be surprised at how your good deeds return to you in kind.

4. Make decisions based on data.

In the previous point, we talked about spiritual guidance. But let’s be real: We need a strategy in life. And the best strategies come from reliable data.

When you’re on the journey toward a better life, you must track your progress and see what you can improve. This approach is more effective and healthy than comparing yourself to others.

You can audit your life every month, every quarter, or at the start of the year. Use trial and error to see what works for you.

Here are some questions to help you audit your life and gather information for your strategy:

• Which area of life am I focusing on right now?
• What parameters should I set to determine whether I’ve hit my goal?
• Have I noticed any improvements or changes in my life?
• Are there any new opportunities or areas I should consider exploring?
• How have I felt in general in the past few months?

5. Get your finances in order.

In our material world, where money is essential for survival, part of getting your life back on track is getting your finances in order. A clear sign of financial stability is not living paycheck to paycheck.

Ask yourself, “If I quit my job today, how long could I survive on my savings?”

Is it one month, six months, or until next Friday?

Working on your finances might trigger a lot of fear. You might be worried or feel not good enough, but saying “numbers aren’t my thing” won’t serve you in any way.

You must educate yourself on how to do better financially. This might mean reading books about personal finance, starting to save money, paying off your debt, learning about investing, or working on your money mindset.

Just as it takes time to become physically fit, it takes time to make progress financially. Take small steps every day to improve a little bit. All your efforts will be worth it in the end.

How to Stay Motivated While Getting Your Life Together.

Keep your goal to yourself.

Especially at the beginning of your journey. Now that you already know how to get your life together step by step, it’s time to do the work.

Later, when you start gaining momentum, your success will speak for itself.

Then, your people will cheer you on. Right?

Not necessarily.

You’ll be lucky if a handful of people are genuinely happy about your progress. Most people will be too busy with their lives to notice, and some might even try to bring you down to ensure you remain at their level.

The latter are toxic people, and you should eliminate them from your life if you want to continue evolving.

Fortunately, you don’t need to be mean to set boundaries with toxic people, especially if they’re family members. You simply need to spend less time with them.

At family gatherings, avoid sharing too much about your goals. Keep the conversation superficial and neutral. Use words like “fine,” “wonderful,” and “let’s hope for the best” to keep things flowing. It’s even better to ask questions and let others talk about themselves.

I know it’s annoying. That’s why I’m not a fan of family gatherings. But sometimes, they’re unavoidable. You just need to play your cards right and get through them.

Expect to fail; plan around it.

The journey to your new life won’t be easy. Otherwise, everybody would take it.

Expect things to be difficult. You might fail. Sooner or later, it will happen because life always gets in the way. What makes a big difference isn’t whether you fail but what you do after you fail.

Here are some steps to take when you fall from the bandwagon.

1. Accept it. Recognize that you’ve hit a snag. It happens to everyone. Forgive yourself and prepare for the next round.

2. Figure out why. Think about what went wrong and what you can learn from it.

3. Adjust your plan if necessary. Do you need to lower your expectations? If that’s what you need to do in this session of life, do it. Remember to focus on progress, not perfection.

4. Set mini goals to maintain consistency.

If a 2-hour workout sounds intimidating, set a mini goal like “walking my dog for 20 minutes.”

On good days, when you’re highly motivated, you might work out for 2 hours.

On tougher days, just walking your dog will be enough.

Regardless of whether you have a good day or a bad one, you’ll end up moving your body.

5. Ask for help if you need it. The “self-made” mindset is BS. We always need our support system to get through life’s ups and downs.

Be kind to yourself.

It’s funny how we care more about what others think of us than what we think of ourselves.

If your friend were having a difficult time, you’d say, ”Is there anything I can do to help you?”

But what do you say to yourself if you’re in the same situation?

“You’re stupid!”

“My life will never get better. What’s the point?”

This is what my mean inner voice says to me every time I disappoint myself: “What a shame! No wonder your mom left you. She’s the smart one.”

Can you imagine saying those sentences out loud to others? No one would be able to stand that kind of person.

If others don’t deserve to be threatened like this, why do you do it to yourself?

Speak kindly to yourself, and practice empathy and self-respect. Be your own best friend. That little voice inside you will follow you to your deathbed. Make sure you like what you hear.

To do this, you must take the time to train yourself.

When you get ready in the morning, look yourself in the eye and say, “Good morning, [Your name]. It’s good to see you! Have a nice day!”

You can say whatever you want to hear.

When you treat treat yourself with kindness, you set the standard for everyone who wants to be a part of your life. Be kind or be gone!

How Long Does It Take to Get Your Life Together?

Will I ever get my life together?

You may have this question in your mind. Let me answer it for you: Yes, you will.

But only if you put in the work and allow enough time for things to flourish. This article can be your get your life together guide.

This article outlines the steps to getting your life together. Take your time. Enjoy the journey.

There’s no finite timeline because everyone is different. As long as you make progress, celebrate it! A little progress is better than no progress.

Never compare yourself to others. Comparison is the thief of joy. Someone can look like they have a perfect life but be miserable inside. You never know what happens behind closed doors.

When it comes to choosing priorities in life, Bronnie Ware’s Regret of The Dying can serve as good guidance. Those regrets are:

• I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
• I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
• I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
• I wish I’d stayed in touch with my friends.
• I wish I’d let myself be happier.

Keep your eyes on what matters to you right now. Later, if necessary, you can change your priorities according to the season of your life.

Last Question: Should I Wait for Him to Get His Life Together?

Sometimes we like a guy, but it seems as though his life is a mess. We think we should let the relationship flow and give him time to get his life in order. We want to show our support, as we believe that if we love him hard enough, he’ll love us back.

That’s what the old me would do.

I’ve lost count of how many male friends I helped back then: studying, finding jobs, dealing with family issues, etc. In the end, they always chose to be with someone else.

I didn’t know why.

My insecurity went to the roof. After everything I’ve done, I thought I was not good enough.

Now, I have a different answer. Those guys chose partners who made them feel like men and who fed their egos. Because I knew all their “secrets,” they didn’t feel like heroes around me.

I know there’s nothing wrong with me. Those so-called friends must work on their insecurities. Unfortunately, most people won’t do the inner work.

Thus, you shouldn’t wait for a guy to “get his life together.” Choose someone ready for the life that you want. You’re looking for a partner, not a son. You need a man with whom you can share responsibilities.

When you finally meet the right person, you can give everything you’ve got to achieve the relationship you deserve.

Good luck!