What to Do When Your Boyfriend Breaks Up With You.

“We need to talk.”

This simple sentence may alarm you. Sure enough, your boyfriend drops a bombshell: “I don’t think we’re right for each other. I want to break up.”

The words hit you hard, and the room’s warmth evaporates in an instant.

What to do when your boyfriend broke up with you?

Should you scream at your new ex?

Should you plead for another chance?

Or should you move forward with dignity? But how? Is that even possible?

Every breakup feels like a punch to the gut. It’s disorienting. But this disorientation doesn’t have to last long. This guide will walk you through the steps to take when your boyfriend breaks up with you.

1. What to Say When Your Boyfriend Breaks Up With You.

After your boyfriend says the magic words, pause for a moment.

If the breakup feels like a surprise, be honest with yourself. Did you truly not see any signs?

Your boyfriend didn’t just wake up and think, “Let’s break up with my significant other today.”

Unless you were caught in an extreme act, like cheating on him, you should have seen signs that something was off. Issues such as lack of communication, constant fighting, and growing resentment might have built up, leading to the breakup.

So, take this breakup gracefully. Consider it closure.

You don’t need to ask a lot of questions. Just say, “Thank you for being honest.”

Then, you can both go your own way.

2. What You Shouldn’t Do After Your Boyfriend Breaks Up With You.

Beg your ex to come back.

When your ex says he doesn’t want to be with you anymore, honor his request.

You don’t want to stay in a relationship in which your partner is there only out of pity.

You deserve something better.

Facing your breakup calmly will show that you have self-respect and strong character.

A breakup won’t end your life. You can heal and rebuild your life for the better. Trust that everything will work out in the end.

Date for revenge.

After a breakup, being alone will feel awkward. You’ve gotten used to having someone to talk to and share your life with. Now, everything is different.

This loneliness will become misery if you’re cheated on or your ex starts dating someone new. On those lonely nights, you might imagine what your ex is doing with another woman. Thoughts like that will drive you crazy. Don’t torture yourself!

After the breakup, mind your own business.

If you’re thinking about dating a new guy to make your ex jealous, forget it.

That’s not fair to your new guy. He might genuinely like you, and you’re using him as revenge. That’s the worst way to start a relationship.

Also, don’t sleep with random guys just to ease your loneliness. On the surface, you might look like you’re moving on, but if you skip the inner work, you could end up choosing someone like your ex and repeating the same relationship pattern.

Dwell on social media.

Social media is a comparison rabbit hole. When you’ve just been dumped, stay in your bubble to regain your strength.

Don’t make the mistake I did.

The last time I was broken up with, I spent hours scrolling Instagram only to see that 3 girls had gotten engaged. Those girls weren’t friends in real life, but that was enough to make me feel worthless.

That night, I cried myself to sleep, wondering why no man wanted me.

If I avoid social media when I’m vulnerable, I can easily avoid that feeling.

Also, don’t vent your emotions on social media. Don’t trash-talk your ex. You might get many likes and comments, but that’s it. When the hype is gone, things will return to normal: You’ll be sitting with your broken heart.

At the end of the day, you’re the one who needs to pick yourself up.

Do stupid things.

If you’re thinking about doing something stupid like destroying your ex’s car, forget it. That type of thing is funny only in a rom-com. In real life, doing something stupid can backfire on you. You don’t want to end up in jail because of the breakup.

Don’t let your ex run your life after he’s gone.

However, sometimes you need to do something to release your frustration. If you feel the need to do this, choose something private and safe, like punching a pillow or cutting your ex’s pictures into small pieces.

Warning: Be careful not to cut yourself while you’re cutting up your ex’s picture, as that happened to me. Ha-ha-ha…

What You Shouldn’t Make important decision After Your Boyfriend Breaks Up With You

Make important decisions.

After a breakup, avoid making major decisions like buying a car, or house, throwing a big party, adopting a pet, or getting married.

The last item on that list might seem odd, but I have a friend who married her new boyfriend just three months after a breakup and later regretted it.

If a decision will tie you to a long-term obligation, postpone that decision. You don’t want to deal with the consequences just because you let your emotions cloud your judgment.

How long should you put it off?

As long as necessary. Wait a few months to let your emotions settle. This way, you can make more thoughtful decisions.

Woman move forward When Your Boyfriend Breaks Up With You.

3. Moving Forward: What to Do When Your Boyfriend Breaks Up With You.

Stay away from your ex.

When your boyfriend breaks up with you, everything about him is none of your business. Right now, you are your top and only priority.

Don’t chat with, call, or stalk your ex on social media.

The easiest way to do this is by blocking him everywhere: WA, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, etc. This is a bit extreme, but it’s an effective way to set boundaries and create space so that you can focus on your healing journey.

You don’t want to get a notification about your ex out of the blue and break down.

You might want him to know how you feel, to let him see how miserable you are, but what’s the point? Nobody feels good after a breakup. If you were that important to him, he would have worked on the relationship rather than left.

If you’re thinking about being a nice ex who checks on him to make sure he’s okay,” save it. Your ex is an adult who can take care of himself.

Live your life as normally as possible.

When your boyfriend breaks up with you, go about your daily life as usual: go to work, work out, and get your morning coffee.

Pushing yourself outside will boost your mood during this difficult time. If you spend your days crying on your bed, you’ll only feel worse.

This can be more challenging if you are self-employed or work from home. In such cases, set a routine for yourself. Decide what time you want to wake up, create a to-do list, have a dedicated workspace, and try to get out of the house regularly.

Be creative in tricking yourself into getting out of your cell. You can set a rule that you’ll try a new coffee shop every week or talk to strangers every day even if you just say, “Hello.”

Small things like this will help you feel normal and recover emotionally.

Love yourself more than before.

After a separation, you’ll feel like something is missing. You might miss the way your ex kissed you, his jokes, wearing his sweaters, etc. That’s normal.

However, that’s not a sign to contact your ex or get a new boyfriend. For now, take it as a sign that you need to love yourself more.

Everything you want from a relationship, you should give it to yourself.

If you want to be loved, love yourself. Do things that make you feel loved. Everyone has different preferences. I enjoy manicures and massages. What about you?

If you want to be protected, protect yourself. Join a self-defense class, change the lock on your apartment door, or get an alarm system.

If your ex took care of finances, learn how to do that yourself. Educate yourself about personal finance, start saving money, get a new career, or start a side hustle. This is a time to learn something new and prove that you can take care of yourself.

When you do this, you might be surprised to discover how capable you are.

This sets a new benchmark for how you want to be treated. Your next partner must meet your standards. Don’t settle for breadcrumbs; your partner should treat you well. Otherwise, you’ll stay single.

Distract yourself with something positive.

Do you know why people get drunk when they are in misery?

To distract themselves from the pain.

Sometimes, that’s what you need to get through your lowests. However, instead of distracting yourself with something negative like alcohol, drugs, or other substances, why not choose something positive?

Perhaps you could pick up a new hobby. Have you ever tried pottery? You can also explore your creative side by painting, learning about photography, or playing a musical instrument.

If you’re not in the mood for creative things, try something like traveling. You can travel solo or challenge yourself to visit a new place every few months.

Sometimes, distracting yourself means keeping your mind busy with other things. You can read books that help you grow as a person or consume content about how women can rebuild their lives after a breakup.

Face your feelings head-on.

To move forward, you must process your emotions. The first step is to feel them. Allow yourself to cry, feel the pain, and take your time to grieve.

Unfortunately, grieving someone who has chosen to leave might be harder than grieving a death.

When my grandmother passed, I was heartbroken, but I knew it was God’s will. However, when my mom left and my ex ended our relationship, it felt different. They chose to leave, prioritizing something else over me. That made all the difference.

You can release your emotions in different ways. The easiest is to talk out your feelings. You can do this with a friend, a therapist, or even your furry friend.

You can also write your feelings in a journal. The “dear diary” thing isn’t just for high-schoolers; it also benefits adults.

It might be interesting to write your journal in the third person. For example, instead of writing,” Today, I’m sad, and I cried at work,” you could write, “Today, [your name] is sad. She cried at work.”

Writing your journal in the third person gives you some psychological distance. You gain a new point of view on what happened and can act as someone who is trying to help a friend rather than a victim.

Decide what you want from life.

It’s hard to decide what to do when your boyfriend breaks up with you. You might have envisioned a future together, such as starting a family or traveling, and now, it all feels shattered.

To recover, you must choose a new goal for your life.

What does your dream life look like? Be as specific as you can. Imagine the house you live in. How do you feel when you wake up in the morning?

Do you wake up alone or with someone beside you? Do you have a child? How many?

Do you go to work or work from home?

Imagine logging into your bank account. How much money do you see?

Is there a car in the garage? What kind of car?

Or do you wake up in a villa in Bali and watch the sunrise?

Let your imagination soar. Your heart knows what you want; you just need to listen to it. Write down what you see in your imagination. Once you have it on paper, find a picture on Google or Pinterest to make it even more real.

Gather all the pictures that represent your future life. You can print them and put them on a piece of cardboard or create a digital vision board to set as your phone or desktop background.

The important thing is that you see them every morning. Those pictures won’t do anything if you put them in a drawer and come across them only during a random decluttering in the future.

When you start your day, ask yourself, “What can I do today to get closer to my dream life?”

When you ask this simple question, you’ll do the work necessary to get closer to your dream. After a while, things will start happening, and your dream life will manifest in real life.

Take steps toward your dream life.

It’ll take a while to turn your dream life into reality. It’s a journey, not a destination.

Let’s look at a real-life example of how to take steps toward your dream.

For example, let’s say you have $100,000 in student debt, and you want to be debt-free.

How do you plan to pay your debt? Do you know exactly how much you owe? Can you call the bank and ask for a lower interest rate?

What about the money itself? How much can you set aside every month to pay off your debt? Do you need to find a higher-paying job so that you can allocate more money toward paying off your debt? Do you want to start a side hustle, or maybe build a business on the side?

Let’s say you discover that your debt is $102,534. If you pay $500 per month, you’ll need 17 years to pay it off.

If you double your payment to $1,000 per month, it will take you 8 years to pay off your debt.

How does that sound?

Breaking down your goal and finding solutions will shift your focus. It won’t instantly heal your broken heart, but it will give you a positive outlook and something real to work on.

You’ll make mistakes, fail, and pivot. Be patient, be kind to yourself, track your progress, and pick yourself up every time you fall off the bandwagon.

4. Before You Get a New Boyfriend: Learn Your Lesson.

When you start feeling better, it’s time to look at your previous relationship. This is an important way to learn your lesson so that you don’t make the same mistake with a different name and face.

Let’s start with a question.

Did you see any red flags?

Be honest: Did you see any red flags from the beginning of your relationship? Did you act on them? Why or why not?

If you didn’t sense that something was off at the beginning of the relationship, why didn’t you see it? What assumption did you have back then that led you to what happened today?

These questions are hard to answer. They’ll hit your ego. You might cry a bit and feel ashamed. That’s normal. Be honest when you analyze your relationship. This process is just for you: you don’t need to announce it to the world.

Once you identify the core problem, you can research ways to address it. Google and YouTube are a good place to start.

Create a good list and a bad list about the relationship.

When your boyfriend breaks up with you, you might think that if the breakup hadn’t happened, your life would be perfect.

But that’s not always the case.

To see the big picture, make a list of the good and bad things this relationship brought to your life.

Divide a piece of paper into two columns. In one column, write down the bad things about the breakup. In the other column, write down the good things that have come about because of the breakup.

This is an effective way to see your relationship from both sides and learn from it.

Don’t be surprised if you find that losing your ex wasn’t that bad. This can be the beginning of your best life. It depends on what you do after the breakup.

Talk to a professional if necessary.

Getting through a breakup is hard. It’s difficult to deal with pain, recover, and continue your life.

Moreover, improving your life after the breakup will be even more challenging. Not only do you have to deal with the pain, but you must extract the lesson, set new rules, decide what your future life will look like, and take consistent steps toward it.

That’s a lot of work.

If you can’t do it yourself, seek professional support. We’re so lucky today because we can access therapists online. It will cost you money, but consider it an investment in your mental health.

Yes, your friends and family will be there to support you, but they are emotionally entangled (and will probably be on your side. Therefore, they can’t offer an objective perspective or a strategy for coping with a broken heart.